Week 6: JEM. 1-3 vs. Authentic 1-2 Jem wins

[Meth]

http://i.imgur.com/GtJT262.png


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@Authentic. @JEM.

[Authentic.]

Yeah.. I'll have something for you.

[JEM.]

10.

[Authentic.]

Fuck it... Almost forgot..

u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..
Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot
boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!
so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit
Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass

- - - Updated - - -

Fuck it... Almost forgot..

u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..
Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot
boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!
so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit
Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass

[Meth]

jems verse
I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand
Menu beef with haven’t been in it for the long haul
I’m a different breed, ill fillet plate of bullets in your skull
Ya chick’s a bitch, plus the cold chunker is such a cunt
She broke the ice by…. ruining skating for everyone
Bullet, after bullet, after bullet, I can’t miss w the laser
Cuz I’m using the burner like the whip only got a CD player
The nirvana for thinking he can rock with me, no way
I’ll make you blow your own head like kurt cobain

[Lethargic]

Auth

u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..

Am I missing something? Seems statementish. Not hard hitting imo.

Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot

Not a fan of the wording, but okay

boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!

Feels like you tried to put your spin on that dope "tail's fire" punch. I'm just not feeling it man.

so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit

I don't get it.

Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass

Did you just call yourself gay in a way? Not feeling abbreviating tragic to get it to rhyme either.

Overall, I didn't care for it much. I recognize that I've been out of battling for awhile though, so maybe I'm missing some connection that makes some of these dope?

JEM

I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand

Okay

Menu beef with haven’t been in it for the long haul
I’m a different breed, ill fillet plate of bullets in your skull

I just think this type of wordplay is too much of a stretch. Not to mention that you have to REALLY manipulate haul and skull to make them rhyme at all.

Ya chick’s a bitch, plus the cold chunker is such a cunt
She broke the ice by…. ruining skating for everyone

I think it would've hit harder if you left out the word by there. Although, breaking this ice is an extroverted quality so that doesn't really correlate with her being a cold chunker cunt.

Bullet, after bullet, after bullet, I can’t miss w the laser
Cuz I’m using the burner like the whip only got a CD player

I actually really like this.

The nirvana for thinking he can rock with me, no way
I’ll make you blow your own head like kurt cobain

[I]Unfortunately, I've seen this concept done better.[/]

I know my critiques probably sound douchey, but I'm just trying to break it down line for line and let you know where I'm at with it.

I have JEM winning it. I seriously might be missing something in a couple of Auth's punches though. I'm not gonna pretend like 6 years of battling hasn't potentially jacked with my ability to see a connection. Someone feel free to point it out if I'm being completely oblivious here.

[Meth]

Fuck it... Almost forgot..

u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..
Nah
Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot
Ok
boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!
Like the play but not the finish
so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit
Ok cool
Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass
Nah

jems verse
I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand
Ok
Menu beef with haven’t been in it for the long haul
I’m a different breed, ill fillet plate of bullets in your skull
Ok
Ya chick’s a bitch, plus the cold chunker is such a cunt
She broke the ice by…. ruining skating for everyone
Nah
Bullet, after bullet, after bullet, I can’t miss w the laser
Cuz I’m using the burner like the whip only got a CD player
Nice
The nirvana for thinking he can rock with me, no way
I’ll make you blow your own head like kurt cobain
Nah

Both had one standout. Difference was jem had one extra jab

V/ jem

[Ryno]

Bar 1- Neither
Bar 2- JEM
Bar 3- Neither
Bar 4- TIE
Bar 5- Neither

Overall: Im leaning towards jem. The cd player line was my favorite and plus i thought his misses were better.

v.jem

[Stranger]

Authentic
u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..
this was a little light, seen this type of bar a lot to

Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot
I liked this, it flowed well, no real punch

boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!
ehh, more self hype, not really feeling

so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit
this seems a little forced to me

Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass
this was a light jab, but still decent, watch it with the shorthand of words.

You can do better, probably underestimation on your part, watch it with the short hand wording where you shortened tragedy to trag and penmenship to penmen, I see what you were trying to do, but that don't really get no play around here.


JEM
I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand
this flowed well, I just don't really feel the bar as a whole.

Menu beef with haven’t been in it for the long haul
I’m a different breed, ill fillet plate of bullets in your skull
I like the wordplay here, nothing else.

Ya chick’s a bitch, plus the cold chunker is such a cunt
She broke the ice by…. ruining skating for everyone
wthhhhhhhhh.. I do not like this.

Bullet, after bullet, after bullet, I can’t miss w the laser
Cuz I’m using the burner like the whip only got a CD player
this is a lot of filler, I'm not feeling this much.

The nirvana for thinking he can rock with me, no way
I’ll make you blow your own head like kurt cobain
this was played, the cobain part, not feeling this.

You had some good ideas here and there, but nothing really nod worthy, the cobain bar is super played, the broke the ice flip wasn't that good, menu beef with was best bar for me, and that's cuz of the wordplay, that would have been killer if you had incorporated a dope punch.

V/ Authentic was more effective IMO, he gets my vote.

[Mr W.Rite]

honestly i liked Authentics verse more
it flowed better had better setup and decent angles. wording to me was better for Authentic
Jem verse for me was a little hard to read and find the flow. which for me hurts the punchline

v/Authentic
i think both can do better
good job tho fellas

[Meth]

3-2 needs more votes

[hello there]

Fuck it... Almost forgot..
u gone drop some out the world wackness, sure as the earth'll spin
but Jem, from u, i cant stomach the sight of see'n another verse again..
Nope
Hurtin him, serve u vodka mixed wit crushed pills that'll make the dead drop
s'like the lead pop, how i hand this lush the drink n he take the head shot
I mean
boi stop. i breathe fire.. destroy everything around me, cuz writtens is lava
this man get Char'd when i Ketchum, im tryin to bring that pokemon outta ya!
You tried to bite a bar like two weeks after it was used
so proper, but he not use to nice shit, my watch drip, n he saucy from feelin it
clumsy kid he is.. only time JEM's droppin a jew.. s'if he got caught stealing shit
No. I hate everything about this
Wit the penmen u aint killin whit...U get stiffed daily.. by me and all of the mass
its sad and trag., cuz i'd say man up.. but u gotta pull the thong outcha ya ass
No

jems verse
I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand
That's ok
Menu beef with haven’t been in it for the long haul
I’m a different breed, ill fillet plate of bullets in your skull
This needed better wording but the concept was tight
Ya chick’s a bitch, plus the cold chunker is such a cunt
She broke the ice by…. ruining skating for everyone
Lol but no.
Bullet, after bullet, after bullet, I can’t miss w the laser
Cuz I’m using the burner like the whip only got a CD player
This is interesting
The nirvana for thinking he can rock with me, no way
I’ll make you blow your own head like kurt cobain
Nirvana is solid

VOTE I have JEM easily on this. This is gonna be super slept on, but the concepts themselves are really interesting.

[King]

nothing really connected for me

vs

I’m aiming at boot, legs, to stop you where you stand
Did it for kicks - cuz you as authentic as a Chinese brand

vote jem