Better days

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Thread: Better days

  1. #1
    4 year anniversary 😈 A Disciple's Avatar
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    Better days

    Better days


    We used to argue about who loved who more
    To getting divided by some side chick whore
    I canít remember much, only a touch I thought you were supposed to live and die for
    I never prayed four
    The dr says Iím not depressed
    But I been stuck to the floor over way less
    Maybe itís just stress
    Itís real shit cursed days being our worst days
    Maybe itís worth our ways for a penance
    I thought you said what goes around comes around but maybe it was just a sentence
    I used to ride for the felons who had no choice
    I used to speak for peace when I had a voice
    I just canít believe what is true
    And just how evil people really do

    ....

    If I have a child I hope they remember this
    Thatís me, every eye and forehead kiss
    It was all I ever used to wish for
    These days I just wish for pain no more
    In how I lived I canít believe it came to this
    I hope my fall in innocense stain every block and steps
    Cause of how they do
    Iím not hater I really am glad life is so much better for you
    One day Iíll look back and laugh
    At every ironic moment said walking this path
    But when itís everything your against and even the Feds...
    Hello - congratulations I finally know why it was always about you
    And why id look and smile and be so proud too

    ...

    I hope your heart still shines from your eyes
    And that one day you look back and realize, what was fake and what was true
    And that I never bought you
    Fought hard against the concept too
    You got a family, a career, and success and everything in life I ever want
    They say you get what you need instead but I didnít need this front
    It took me 6 yrs to graduate school
    I even paid for it myself too
    I got to go to London for work when I was back at my best
    And I think I lost it all going all in on a bet
    Maybe the next world is mine
    Iíll recover but Iíll never get back my mind
    So when your lost just press rewind
    Back to the day when I was the one to find
    It was when You first heard rise up that it broke your heart
    Every time my rib aches it reminds me they permanently broke us apart
    ~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..
    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

  2. #2
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    Re: Better days

    I feel you. This was pretty cool.

    I like how you made it very conversational. That's not really easy to do. And it gets harder and harder as you make it want to rhyme better.

    I would like to see you try to keep that conversational tone and bring in some more rhymes, inside the bars themselves. Only to challenge yourself to be more specific in the words leading up to the punch.

    You def let the pain shine through. And I enjoyed reading it. I could hear your cadence and the rhythm of your speech. And I could tell the ways your thoughts moved as you thought about this situation.

    I would have loved for you to dive a bit deeper into a specific moment. To really let me get a feel for it. To take a more narrow focus and take a deep dive on it.

    But overall I really enjoyed reading this and am excited to read more from you.

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  3. #3
    4 year anniversary 😈 A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Better days

    Thank you that was a great compliment and don’t laugh but what exactly IS A bar? @High _and_drunk the 2 lines that rhyme right?
    ~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..~..
    Why does everyone think Iím a boy?

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