Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

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Thread: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

  1. #1
    Super Grand Heru SELF ACTIVATE's Avatar
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    Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    4:26 a.m.

    My Cinderella danced barefoot
    over broken glass
    As Humpty Dumpty seeped eggnog
    from his opened head,
    while the frog turned prince was asleep
    When he croaked in bed
    I hope, he at least, found peace
    with his troubled past.
    "... see, there's a Beauty in the Beast,
    he just needs a bath",
    Said the Big Bad Wolf
    to his ethics class.
    Look
    Captin Hook sent a message in a bottle
    that I never read
    and now it's lost, boy
    .. ala Peter Pan.
    Yo, I'm a snobbish alcoholic
    I like my mascoto red
    and huffing oxygen
    is carci°no°genic
    when you're Aquaman
    Nah ...
    I'm really just a comic
    that forgot to laugh
    and that's a lazy entendre
    for my fans and Stans.
    GOTdamn, man,
    I think I need a Hand
    and a standing ovation
    for my favorite band.
    Saw John Snow getting toasty
    in the South of France
    while I stood upon the Mountain top
    and surveyed the land.
    It's crazy, fam ...
    How everyone's a critic of my dope,
    guess I'm Breaking Bad ...
    I'm so HBO when I post,
    -- that's no basic plan ...
    I let the drac-o blow
    like Sopranos
    at tomato stands
    I'm Marlon Brando with a 'fro
    and a Native tan
    "I sent a Wire to ya folks
    ... it's like 80 grand
    and told Proposition Joe
    what he didn't know
    about the Method Man"
    I roll with Marlo smokin Marlboros
    in an ambulance
    and keep a bando full of bones
    for the voodoo jam!
    ... my hoodoo can ...
    make u hoola hoop through
    A ring of fire in the Zulu sands
    An ancient empire that was too adavanced
    For modern-day humans
    and their stupid Klans
    "Excuse me, Pam.
    I think I use to be your lover
    in another life
    and Bruh Man was the husband
    of your uncle's blood cousin's wife"
    So fuck yo baggage
    I got luggage
    and my shit is twice
    the life time supply
    they allow on flights
    I lug this ball and chain
    like a symbol of my pride
    a simple sigil
    meant to visualize
    that I ain't livin' right!

    ... and so I type.

  2. #2

    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    not bad. I'll highlight what I liked/thought had an air of freshness to it.

    "I'm really just a comic that forgot to laugh"

    "I'm Marlon Brando with a native tan"

    those were probably your best parts. the delivery would be smoother if you tried tightening the rhymes a little more and maybe focused less on putting colorful concepts in. like I dig how you started off, or at least the direction it was taking, but it fell short for me.

    fuck a mother goose, with rhymes I'm spinnin' gold but what's the use
    when a brutha wonna walk up on me just to gimme bloody shoes?
    I'm ridin' red, while I be bumpin' blue, tuned to sumn cool,
    watchin' y'all get it like y'alls got nothin' to lose,
    bitch I'm sumn but nothin' to prove.

    that's a just a (free)style, and it's loose enough to read easy. see what I mean? peep it though, you got heart. keep doin you.

  3. #3

    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    I really had a great time with https://www.assignmenthelper.com.au/...signment-help/ your post! I am looking forward to read more blog post regarding this! Well written!

  4. #4
    COKE Kill Spree's Avatar
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    Quote Originally Posted by annagreyf View Post
    I really had a great time with https://www.assignmenthelper.com.au/...signment-help/ your post! I am looking forward to read more blog post regarding this! Well written!
    Don’t post this shit here. Leave feedback

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! hello there's Avatar
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    Quote Originally Posted by Kill Spree View Post
    Don’t post this shit here. Leave feedback
    That's a bot my nig.
    I shoulda known to separate my girl from my boys..
    Who knew that flip cup would turn into dick suck?
    Who’d a thought battle shots would be why she sat on cocks?

  6. #6
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    This for being just chicken scratch on a napkin had me tuned in, loved the rhymes and the references to the the nursery rhymes and stories. Peter pan , big bad wolf , beauty and the beast. Deft was a fun read post more bro and show us what u truly can do

  7. #7
    Baby Fox Sinning's Avatar
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    This was a pretty good verse, Self Activate. It was a fun and pleasurable read. Fun, and good content; mixed with nice rhyme scheme and multi-syllabic rhyming. I enjoyed all the subtle references to Disney, and everything. It was quite fun and accessible. There's nothing really wrong with this piece. It was nice in it's content, and rhyme scheme. This was quite good; nice. Keep writing.

  8. #8
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    That’s a big ass napkin

  9. #9
    Baby Fox Sinning's Avatar
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    Re: Chicken Scratch On A Denny's Napkin

    Quote Originally Posted by AJ the Menace View Post
    This was a pretty good verse, Self Activate. It was a fun and pleasurable read. Fun, and good content; mixed with nice rhyme scheme and multi-syllabic rhyming. I enjoyed all the subtle references to Disney, and everything. It was quite fun and accessible. There's nothing really wrong with this piece. It was nice in it's content, and rhyme scheme. This was quite good; nice. Keep writing.
    ......

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