LLL Week One: Heise vs. JEM - Heise Wins.

[Blue Bayou]

LLL RULES!

verses due: Thursday 11:59PST
Minimum Lines = 12 Lines
Maximum Lines = 20 Lines



Extension: Up to opponent IF verse completed & posted/sent. Otherwise at the Moderators discretion.
If an EXT is needed, you MUST inquire 24 hours prior to deadline, otherwise it will be DECLINED!
VOTING CLOSES SUNDAY
BATTLES SET SHORTLY AFTER!


2 No-Shows = Season Ban

NO BITING OR RECYCLING!!!!
Biting results in a SEASON BAN
Recycle Once = DQ
RECYCLE TWICE = BANNED FOR SEASON


CHECKS,VERSES VOTES ONLY IN BATTLE THREADS!!!!!

Pic Battles MUST BE AGREED ON! IF NOT THAN NO PICS!!

@Heise @JEM

[JEM.]

12.

[Exalted.]

10lines

@Heise the min is 12

[JEM.]

@Heise

Ready when you are.
@EXalted , JEM sent 12

[Exalted.]

@Heise

Ready when you are.

im posting tonite, ext possibly but not likely

[Exalted.]

I've read your past battles

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field
I'm real– they're levels/layers to my verses i cant see this kid reach
Til I dig a hole & bury ya in Strata Jem for not bringing one rock solid 'gainst me
His bitch freak mouth is liiit. she knows how to turn out some men
I mean, 15 minutes they'll pay for 'head experience' like Being John Malkovich
You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine
Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor
Confess I'M NO RAPPER: beat me? think J been huffin' some drugs
If minds an open book yours ain't used in ages, we'd flip pages & find nothin but dust

[Blue Bayou]

JEM's Verse

Cell the crew, we hitting this bitch up with some killing combos
Gun ring till the doc makes the cold call like unsolicited convos
Bayou’s pick, but them tired bars were a cypher sore eyes
When JEM tested the ocean, he blue up before the nose dive
I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC
You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls
That rugga pop, knocked his crew back and moved the block
So many shots crossed, the death scene looked off, Stuart Scott
If my drop out I’m asking questions like where the weight go
After this L he drops out like he ain’t even wait bro.

[Clout]

I've read your past battles

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field

This was cool.

I'm real– they're levels/layers to my verses i cant see this kid reach
Til I dig a hole & bury ya in Strata Jem for not bringing one rock solid 'gainst me

I liked this concept alot, just felt the punch was awkward to me. It felt like you're missing a word in that punch. One rock solid shot against me? idk it just reads funny to me. But i do like the play on words.

His bitch freak mouth is liiit. she knows how to turn out some men
I mean, 15 minutes they'll pay for 'head experience' like Being John Malkovich

Doesn't rhyme but the punch is cool, the movie wasn't too bad imo.

You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine

Man this was creative, im drinking coffee atm so i laughed.

Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor

Spinal Fracture...not spine bone fracture too forced. But the punch kind of makes it seem like you did that end bit on the set up purposely or did you?!?! *drum rolls* the world may never know.

Confess I'M NO RAPPER: beat me? think J been huffin' some drugs
If minds an open book yours ain't used in ages, we'd flip pages & find nothin but dust

cool, nice dig

JEM's Verse

Cell the crew, we hitting this bitch up with some killing combos
Gun ring till the doc makes the cold call like unsolicited convos

ok, i liked this one.

Bayou’s pick, but them tired bars were a cypher sore eyes
When JEM tested the ocean, he blue up before the nose dive

ahh get it JEM you go for that Canadian wordplay stuff! This wasn't too shabby.

I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC

This one i liked,

You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls

Cool

That rugga pop, knocked his crew back and moved the block
So many shots crossed, the death scene looked off, Stuart Scott

ok get it

If my drop out I’m asking questions like where the weight go
After this L he drops out like he ain’t even wait bro.

Nah


So JEM stepped his bars up from when i last perused him. You really did surprise me here, your going to be a problem this season.I do think Exalted aka Infiltration? took this one. He's just very creative with even simple concepts. He showed his mettle here, thank you both for a valiant showing.

v/ Exalted

[Greedy]

Exalted:
Strata- i liked this concept.
Malchovich- this was ok
Coffee- nice concept here but i didnt like something about this. Idk what tho but something is off
Stand corrected- this was dope
Open book- played concept. Overall decent

Vs

Jem:
Gun ring- played concept here. But decent
Drugs inc- this was cool. A sharper execution coulda made this dope
Tolls- i liked it
Stu scott- played concept but i like the "looked off" part



Vote exalted.
Solid verse from ex.
Jem, u had a couple joints that were good. Just work on harsher execution. Ur concepts are pretty good

[hello there]

I've read your past battles

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field
Good concept bad punch
I'm real– they're levels/layers to my verses i cant see this kid reach
Til I dig a hole & bury ya in Strata Jem for not bringing one rock solid 'gainst me
Nope. Forced a bit
His bitch freak mouth is liiit. she knows how to turn out some men
I mean, 15 minutes they'll pay for 'head experience' like Being John Malkovich
Noooo
You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine
Nah
Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor
Admit is really stretched here
Confess I'M NO RAPPER: beat me? think J been huffin' some drugs
If minds an open book yours ain't used in ages, we'd flip pages & find nothin but dust
Nope

Liked 1 bar.

JEM's Verse

Cell the crew, we hitting this bitch up with some killing combos
Gun ring till the doc makes the cold call like unsolicited convos
This is cool
Bayou’s pick, but them tired bars were a cypher sore eyes
When JEM tested the ocean, he blue up before the nose dive
Ehhhh
I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC
Nope. It's cool just forced
You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls
Solid
That rugga pop, knocked his crew back and moved the block
So many shots crossed, the death scene looked off, Stuart Scott
Rugga? SMH
If my drop out I’m asking questions like where the weight go
After this L he drops out like he ain’t even wait bro.
Nah

Like 2 bars.

Vote JEM. Think you both forced some stuff, but JEM had better raw materials.

Wow. Just read the previous votes.

You guys really liked forced shit huh?

[King]

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field
You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine
Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor

vs

I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC
You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls


close battle, those were my favorite bars from both verses. some other nice jabs on both sides also. i think i got Ex here by a bar. both were solid verses, ex just had that extra bar connect for me and thats edging him out.

vote Exalted

[$pitacular]

Exalted -

Didn't like the opener but ok. My rock solid punch from my battle with blue was way better than yours. Didn't like John Malkovich.. dollars to donuts was corny but decent.. stand corrected was meh, never use two common phrases in a row cuz then it gets repetitive and super cheesy.. closer was just ok, it was a diss just not clever. Mediocre performance and relying too heavily on common phrases.. but still better than some I've seen this week.

JEM -

I like gun bars a lot but Gun ring wasn't one. It tried to be, but it wasn't.. Blue up could've been worded much more effectively, but I'll give you a thumbs up on that one.. Drug inc. was wack.. New tolls was a nice gun bar.. dig it. I hated the Stuart Scott one. I can't stand when cats pull that young money style in a text battle. Doesn't work. Ain't even weight was clever and ok..

I got JEM winning this one. v/ JEM

[Sting3r]

Exalted - couple hits couple misses. I liked the stand corrected line, and opener was pretty cool. Lines flowed a little odd and could use more rhymes and maybe some personals. Strata jem was a cool Lil wordplay. Over all I thought your punchlines were half good and half lack luster but a solid verse none the less.

Jem - your verse flowed nicely
Couple lines were not easy to follow, like I had no idea who Stuart Scott was til I looked it up. And also where I'm from we don't have sun pass tolls. Sounds like ur from Florida. Anyways, I think your opener was ur best punchline. Ur concepts I think are what hurt you here, wording was OK. Over all, probably not your best verse but you clearly know how to write a punchline. Better luck next week.

Vote exalted, over all few better punchlines.

[Blue Bayou]

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field
cool np, i tink the setup couldve been better tied in to make the punch hit harder
I'm real– they're levels/layers to my verses i cant see this kid reach
Til I dig a hole & bury ya in Strata Jem for not bringing one rock solid 'gainst me
meh, creative ish but not loving the impact/wording
His bitch freak mouth is liiit. she knows how to turn out some men
I mean, 15 minutes they'll pay for 'head experience' like Being John Malkovich
a bit out there and abstract, cool movie .. this was dece
You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine
okay.. solid concept
Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor
nice, cool angle
Confess I'M NO RAPPER: beat me? think J been huffin' some drugs
If minds an open book yours ain't used in ages, we'd flip pages & find nothin but dust
nahh, weak close and familiar conceppt

vs.

Cell the crew, we hitting this bitch up with some killing combos
Gun ring till the doc makes the cold call like unsolicited convos
multi bad, but lol i like this punch & concept.. cant recall seeing it, wording couldve been better but cold call dope
Bayou’s pick, but them tired bars were a cypher sore eyes
When JEM tested the ocean, he blue up before the nose dive
ehh dont like cypher/site for even in slang.. meh overall
I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC
needed a better set-up but the concept was cool
You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls
cool.. like this as an attack line
That rugga pop, knocked his crew back and moved the block
So many shots crossed, the death scene looked off, Stuart Scott
even searching i didnt get this.. sorry, seems light tbh with "scene looked off", not too damaging
If my drop out I’m asking questions like where the weight go
After this L he drops out like he ain’t even wait bro.
huh? nah seems like a pure filler throwaway


Pretty solid read here... I thought it was quite close, Heise prob a bit more consistent with better wording, but cold call & sunpass were maybe my 2 fav bars of the battle... I honestly think JEM threw this battle away with his closer, even a decent line prob wouldve edged it imo but as is Heise edged it.. can heppen in short 12 line battles, props to both

Vote - Heise

[Dominate]

Shit was truly outrageous! & none uv'ya concepts return high yields
S'why it's JEM & the Holograms: the image they projected were from a light field

Image projected from a light field/hologram was a good punch/wp idea. The wording could've been a lot better.

I'm real– they're levels/layers to my verses i cant see this kid reach
Til I dig a hole & bury ya in Strata Jem for not bringing one rock solid 'gainst me

Pretty good. Slightly forced both phonetically and in the sense of you'd never tell someone you'd bury them in strata, but both of these are not major grievances for me, I still thought this was cool.

His bitch freak mouth is liiit. she knows how to turn out some men
I mean, 15 minutes they'll pay for 'head experience' like Being John Malkovich

Eh creative flip but the wordplay is light. It's okay.

You'll b gory to see. Sheesh! ONE punch: on the floor he will bleed
Bet dollars to donuts hands dunk in 'em & Mugs Drippin like Joe's morning routine

Cool, not bad. Could've been worded for a cleaner wp but still cool.

Dawgy i'll admit fuck shots– rather lay u out w/ a spine bone fracture
^ Sorry we'll BOTH stand corrected.. only you'll need several trips to a Chiropractor

Like this idea. Pretty good. Could've been set up/worded better - you needed to be wrong about something to stand corrected, - "I'll admit fuck shots" is not quite doing it. You could've said "thought you were tough, but it's way too easy to leave ya spine bone fractured"

Confess I'M NO RAPPER: beat me? think J been huffin' some drugs
If minds an open book yours ain't used in ages, we'd flip pages & find nothin but dust

Eh. Nothing wrong with it I just don't really like the concept that much.


Couple cool ideas in there, just needed some polish. I like your blend of vocabulary/creativity/aggressiveness/flow/swag though, keep that style.


Cell the crew, we hitting this bitch up with some killing combos
Gun ring till the doc makes the cold call like unsolicited convos

Cool. Light but everything works.

Bayou’s pick, but them tired bars were a cypher sore eyes
When JEM tested the ocean, he blue up before the nose dive

Nah. Blew/blue is too done. Have to be a creative and hilarious flip for me to like it I think.

I’m bucking muskets w/ shadow color powder for the cunts tint
Face shot black out his features like the cowards on drug, INC

Heh, cool.

You rock those entry level pistols, intern my guns move folks
Sunpass his lane, and I’ll light up his whip like the new tolls

Good.

That rugga pop, knocked his crew back and moved the block
So many shots crossed, the death scene looked off, Stuart Scott

I'm not sure if there's anything more to this than a "shots crossed"/bball wp. It's worded like "the death scene looked off" ought to have a double meaning, but I can't see anything there and google didn't help.

If my drop out I’m asking questions like where the weight go
After this L he drops out like he ain’t even wait bro.

Almost. Drop out wp had potential but I didn't like the weight/wait flip too much, or it wasn't worded to make it into a strong enough punch.

Couple cool concepts in there as well. Look forward to watching your progress over the course of the league.



I got Exalted with slightly better concepts here