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Thread: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - Ryno Wins

  1. #1
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    LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - Ryno Wins

    verses due: Thursday 11:59PST
    Minimum Lines = 12 Lines
    Maximum Lines = 20 Lines



    Extension: Up to opponent IF verse completed & posted/sent. Otherwise at the Moderators discretion.

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  2. #2
    ROMANTICAL Ryno's Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)

    12 cool?

  3. #3
    Why so serious? JEM.'s Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)

    Sure.

  4. #4
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)

    Rynos verse

    Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
    Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
    Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
    Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
    Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
    I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
    2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
    This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
    I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
    Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
    Blast so bright, homie the gun college prep
    Cuz when I cap, it takes off your noggin next.
    Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
    This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.

    - - - Updated - - -

    JEMs verse

    Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
    How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
    Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
    If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
    Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared

    She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
    …You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
    ‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
    Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
    He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
    This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
    Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
    "Sound stuff out guys" - Barcotic

  5. #5
    Phrasing... A. Diction's Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    Accomp list is a lil forced but worded well
    Pump fakes skr8
    Passive niiiiiice
    Rec hoops skr8 good wording
    Not feeling Stafford
    Good closer

    Vs

    He had the one biting accusation but the punch is skr8
    Not really feeling the Reef ref
    Rnc is a no go my friend
    More of a swag bar and worded right coulda been cool. As is its aite tho.
    Swingers club skr8
    Laser tag was nice

    Ryno had the better writing imo. JEM had some good shit tho


    V. Ryno
    Now I am become death; destroyer of worlds.

  6. #6
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
    Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
    decent
    Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
    Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
    I think I see what you were going for here.. but it should have been done as, when JEM grabs the pump, he's taking his heels off to run
    Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
    I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
    nice
    2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
    This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
    I feel like this isn't a fully developed/executed concept..
    I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
    Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
    I don't think that wp worked right.. nope
    Blast so bright, homie the gun college prep
    Cuz when I cap, it takes off your noggin next.
    again, not developed fully/executed correctly. concept was there but wasn't done right
    Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
    This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
    nah.. these wp's just aren't being done correctly

    vs

    Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
    How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
    ok
    Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
    If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
    not as effective, should have moved on rather than stick to the same angle if you aren't going to come hard on the repeat topic
    Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared

    She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
    OK but not hard hitting, more just comedy
    …You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
    ‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
    execution was too lighthearted.. but ok concept
    Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
    He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
    nah
    This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
    Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
    ok but not great

    Both were lacking in execution.. Ryno had better concepts but trouble carrying them out correctly.. because both failed to execute I have to vote based on concepts so

    v/ Ryno

    I'd really like to see you both spend some time working w/ a mentor.. you both have potential

  7. #7
    more bodies Greedy's Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    Ryno:
    Opener- ok. Not a fan of how this played out
    Pump fake- nice. Tie ins worked for me. And i like how u executed the pump fake angle. Slightly wordy tho
    Passive- the wp itself is forced. But the overall bar hit. Good personal angle
    Stafford-i liked the concept. Didn't like the Stafford play tho

    Vs

    Jem:
    Opener- heat. I fk w this
    Reef/fishing- meh, this was only decent. The end rhymes were off. Its not really redundant, but it feels so, because this one was weaker than the opener.
    Rearnaked choke- decent. Comes off as a filler bar tho tbh.
    Nancy Kerrigan- decent again. Setup well, but the Kerrigan play couldve been a lil harsher
    Swingers club- i fk w the let a cpl bang play. This had sooo much potential imo. Hated ur setup here tho


    Vote ryno. Better overall read.
    Ryno- u kno wat it is.
    Jem- def getting better. Opener was nice, plus u had a few nice concepts
    Kill a bitch and kill her kid
    all depends what her nigga did
    -herbo

  8. #8
        
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    3-0
    The Last Level

  9. #9
    Kangaroo Danger Dude
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)

    Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
    Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
    At first I thought forced but said aloud the t isn't too hard so it can work, pretty good - like the flip
    Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
    Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
    Cool concept, I found it a little tricky to catch at first
    Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
    I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
    Heh, good.
    2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
    This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
    Wp's pretty good here. The single syllable rhyme took a lot of impact from this though tbh. 'drive off' and 'wrong call' are both fragments where I'd put the emphasis on the first word, which makes it seem like it doesn't rhyme
    I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
    Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
    Staff forward? I'm not catching it. I like how you worded the end of the line
    Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
    This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
    Ehhh nah I don't really like wp that needs a full stop or comma in the middle



    Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
    How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
    OK, straightforward personal
    Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
    If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
    This is cool bc it was Reef who was accusing him
    Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared

    She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
    Almost but nah. Needed more of a set up for choke hold
    …You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
    ‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
    The wp concept is OK but I hate how this is delivered. It's got me thinking about that meme where the Husky dog sets up a pun and then delivers the punchline with that face lmao.
    Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
    He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
    dece
    This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
    Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
    That's kinda cool


    Ryno got it with a more polished/swaggy/aggressive delivery

    V/ Ryno
    3TC

  10. #10
    Same OG Sting3r's Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2)

    Rynos verse

    Idk who’s helping u w/ ur lines. Every season ya flow grows tired.
    Im baffled by ur ‘accomp list’. To beat me ur gonna need 4-5 writers.
    Super hot fire
    Mamba mentality w/ the ratchet. & guess what? I PRAY u bring ya team.
    Cuz once I grab the pump, fakes run or risk getting taken off their feet.
    Lite
    Spit & Ex beat u easy. Where’s ur heart? Ur in the chat giggling & shit.
    I’d give u a passive u weren’t laying down taking every loss like a bitch.
    Fire
    2 choices: U can die on the black top or hop in the whip & drive off.
    This ain’t rec hoops, but we can shoot for it if ur making the wrong call.
    Rhyme was shit but the punch was dope that’s my shit
    I’m a Detroit nigga. No Lion. I’ll smash ya chick vag till it’s unbearable.
    Once I gave her the Stafford she left town. Said ya effort on D was terrible.
    Fire
    Wtf was that? Listen cat, when my eagles clap it’ll stop all that nonsense.
    This chest shot leaving Jemele. Hill need a new writing gig for his comments.
    I like the reference but the flip don’t work for me cause Jemele hill is a chick, both sides of the flip don’t work
    - - - Updated - - -

    JEMs verse

    Ry, ry, ry mannnn - so many bites I really can’t talk to your core
    How can I type a personal if I don’t know who I’m writing it for!?
    Kinda like ex line about dirty handles but didn’t hit as hard as that bar
    Somalian pirate, fucking net thief! Taking bars & whole schemes,
    If you fish that many lines you SHOULD have to worry about Reef!
    Super hot fire no bias at all
    Did a porn contest & his chick’s submission was the best shared

    She did a rear naked choke hold, blowing me w her ass in the air
    Funny
    …You a broke lil nancy! Iced ya girl up but now she’s just a friend
    ‘Cause after JEM gives her that hard pipe she’ll never…Kerrigan!
    Lite
    Ryno’s dead! Cuz I’m mean with it… bucking till the ringers done
    He flat lined & I’ll still let another couple bang like a swingers club
    Good 1
    This is child play…My red beams scan the room - where he at?
    Aiming at Ryno’s bitch ! Light the box up but this ain’t laser tag!
    Lite




    Over all; nice battle for both. Wasn’t liking either closer but the majority of both verses was on point. Ryno had more
    Impact because I get all his references shit is to my liking. Jen had that reef line which I personally loved. Close battle but I don’t think its close enough to need a tie.

    Vote / Ryno
    $usernamejoshs

    $9.99 for an unbiased vote
    $14.99 full breakdown vote

  11. #11
    FUCK YOU! Spree's Avatar
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    Accomp list was cool
    Pump fakes was meh
    Passive was dope
    Stanford was dope..


    Vs



    Opener- I did something like this. Yours was light
    Reef was cool could have flipped it with more wit
    Rear naked was ok
    Couple bang was dope

    This is closer than I thought tbh.. I think I get ryno with better quotes and better misses... let me come back in a few minutes

  12. #12
        
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    Re: LLL Week 6: Ryno (2-1) vs JEM (3-2) - OPEN FOR VOTES

    5-0-1
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