Over and Over
“Cause it’s all in my head… etc”
I’m scared to see you, it’s different why, its cause I can’t look you in the eye
It’s how they did me, its not shame its humiliation
If I don’t make it this time it’s cremation
I remember the last time I saw you before – so clearly
Being thrown in, jumped out pissed – I guess my temper why they fear me
Norwalk - I was still on split seconds then
Woke up like why both packs open?
But I remember getting dressed that night
My shadow hugged me from behind for the 2nd time I saw him clearly in sight
“Cause it’s all in my head… etc”
I remember waiting outside, I can tell you the set I was wearing
Another split second for a bite, even now I’m still tearing
In the middle of the night, my last second was to grab your hand to finally rest in peace
I almost remember running my hands up your shirt and the release
Humming my way to the elevator the next morning
To be surrounded in the lobby by my ex, his mom, and the police saying I wrote a suicide note
They wouldn’t believe me I didn’t so I guess it went back to 2004 all she wrote
“Can’t go on not loving you”
Didn’t have time to think before I got out the hospital and then they shot me –
If that’s what the 3 bangs were
I didn’t remember at all until I saw the picture and your reflection in the window a blur
Back then of demois, saying almost 5 months rubbing my belly
A flower grows in the dark, he tells me every day yet still it feel funny
“Now that I realize I am going down… “
The pain wasn’t ever from you
Waiting outside lamaz, on inpatient, to embarrassed to go in alone
But those split seconds seam like only a dream – but my flesh and blood never even known?
Never thought I even had a reason to look back and the reasons all seemed different
Only the timing wrong
Yet still I walk alone, relating to every song
I remember fighting over who loved each other more
And those gold eyes when I’d stare at the ceiling talking to God for
I remember waiting by the window when I got so mad and called him
Or how when I’m stressed I can’t ever sleep until the morning
It only happens when it’s over you
And how it all fell apart I don’t have a clue
I know I’m just tired of manning up, ice, smile, wave and get thru
Too many questions that any which way can fill in the blanks
Sticking to facts cause I know how high the ranks
Like waking up in the passenger seat of my Ac demanding a hat for my hair
And then waking up again to the gun being pulled on him crying there
Spitting out my life saver with an angel who said voodoo don’t make me use it
To her daughters confession, to now know who let them in to choose lit
But seeing you by the light of a laptop trying to tell you and spit it out
And the way I stand and don’t understand it could’ve been either way - which planted a reasonable doubt
And then they woke me up and counted on me hating you
And when I didn’t… well, this is what they do