Yeah, the ghosts terrorizing me on the first birthday I had to spend in mental because they accused me of trying to OD (I was legit crazy though cause I was feeling funny since about 4 at work. But anyways they said it's all about religion. And that kids book, they said go religion too. NO I don't give a fuck about religion right now. Except the believe without proof strikes me, cause I'm more on the you love me when I am there, love me when I am not right now. Or right there and not helping me either. Personally, MY GOD, I have seen a piece in any church I ever visited. Exp: the psycho bitch that helped curse me. In her non-denominational org church I heard a catholic angels voice sing. (Catholic church singers almost always suck). AND she looked dead at me before getting the baptismal water. GUILTY. Then in the Methodist church I went to with a friend. I learned the story of the two brothers god said to kill a son or something to prove his love for god and was all like no you wasn't supposed to actually do it. Then at my dads Christian church I was laughing at the revelations you're going thru hell cause you lost your original love. And by nature I tend to have muslim tendencies but no I don't think my heart and rib is muslim and I will never date another one again. Surprisingly the second guy able to hug me that shocked me was muslim too. And I cut my hair when Im mad or at loss and the few times I got upset I drop to my knees in pain by nature. Maybe it's like a soda machine and just everyone likes a different flavor. Like god pretends to be many but is one OR there is many pretending to be one. Then there is like Our Father, Mother Nature soo fuck religion right now I have bigger problems BUT attaching to my body and soul spiritually and hurting me is beyond offensive. Or the fuck that they can sleep me against my free will when everyone was supposed to be promised that. SO Ima have some issues when I go I am sure BECAUSE NO... I just CANT. Oh and the cones I saw at the car accident... We got hit head on and almost went off a bridge and I woke up and thought I was dead cause the car was on the side barriers facing the sky. And then it all faded in AND the 2 people that helped us until the ambulance got there. 1 lady was at the church fair I later volunteered at and the other ended up being a science teacher in my school. So that's god too... Cones are MY God too. SO like I literally have 100 examples that god is real but I also felt I've been yelled at by god for no reason too. To later learn it was just some dumb ass bitches mostly. What if Jesus was the angel that fell? If he come to judge the living and the dead and is a god too well... and especially when my heart growls to remind me that's where it all is. There's just too much religion wise and really its up to who ever made me with God - not me. Oh and the old lady angels... the one that got her foot stuck under the back tire and screamed help for about 5-10 minutes before I realized no one is going to help her but me (at first I was scared to even look) she got all pissed off when I moved the car and sped off mad. And then the one that came down to sit next to my bed in the ER when I was scream crying after my step dad put my mattress over my apt window first thing when I was moving out and freaked me out so I ran and AGAIN stole a car - luckily it was my mothers. And then of course was my first belief when I had pneumonia and was scared to go to the hospital and I prayed and woke up the next morning completely better. Even my dog when he was in the hospital praying for him like Lord I am not perfect but please let Gabriel know how much I love him and then the psychic saying Gabe wanted me to know he knows how much you loved him and he would've kept going. He couldn't, he was SO SICK and I was being SO selfish. He seized every day multiple times a day from Thanksgiving to Dec 4 or 7 and his side of his face fell and everything like a few weeks after lymphoid hyperplasia made his food get stuck in his stomach and I chose surgery instead. SO the psychics are God too. So you can't tell me there isn't a god or life after. Especially when you can even wish on a star and sometimes if you are heard it even burns out. I'm more the type to "put in my request" but we see what we get, not demand. And even with all that and all this since, I am trying so hard to maintain my faith. I've literally been served almost EVERYTHING I've ever been against. And even after promised, AGAIN. SO... I believe in God, I'm just not sure he believes in me anymore or why he can sit there and allow it when I KNOW he can help and stop it. And I might've been confirmed pregnant or soon after. I guess in summary I believe in angels.
But my name isn't A Disciple because of God. A disciple is a student of a teacher or philosophy too.
On a side note... I didn't know why both packs were open. As soon as I got up and ready and was walking out the door Ray and Linda were there with the cops saying I wrote a suicide note. The cop wouldn't believe me and didn't and wouldn't even make them prove it and made me go under 24 hour hold in mental again. I saw the number I tried to call and I couldn't figure out how to dial the phone. This isn't funny or a joke to me. I AM TIRED. I need more help. And in speaking of God, he works thru people too. I wouldn't want him to lose faith in humanity (almost afraid to LoL). But I am also from the run and you done. Not this posing shit.