Public Apology

[A Disciple]

Yeah, the ghosts terrorizing me on the first birthday I had to spend in mental because they accused me of trying to OD (I was legit crazy though cause I was feeling funny since about 4 at work. But anyways they said it's all about religion. And that kids book, they said go religion too. NO I don't give a fuck about religion right now. Except the believe without proof strikes me, cause I'm more on the you love me when I am there, love me when I am not right now. Or right there and not helping me either. Personally, MY GOD, I have seen a piece in any church I ever visited. Exp: the psycho bitch that helped curse me. In her non-denominational org church I heard a catholic angels voice sing. (Catholic church singers almost always suck). AND she looked dead at me before getting the baptismal water. GUILTY. Then in the Methodist church I went to with a friend. I learned the story of the two brothers god said to kill a son or something to prove his love for god and was all like no you wasn't supposed to actually do it. Then at my dads Christian church I was laughing at the revelations you're going thru hell cause you lost your original love. And by nature I tend to have muslim tendencies but no I don't think my heart and rib is muslim and I will never date another one again. Surprisingly the second guy able to hug me that shocked me was muslim too. And I cut my hair when Im mad or at loss and the few times I got upset I drop to my knees in pain by nature. Maybe it's like a soda machine and just everyone likes a different flavor. Like god pretends to be many but is one OR there is many pretending to be one. Then there is like Our Father, Mother Nature soo fuck religion right now I have bigger problems BUT attaching to my body and soul spiritually and hurting me is beyond offensive. Or the fuck that they can sleep me against my free will when everyone was supposed to be promised that. SO Ima have some issues when I go I am sure BECAUSE NO... I just CANT. Oh and the cones I saw at the car accident... We got hit head on and almost went off a bridge and I woke up and thought I was dead cause the car was on the side barriers facing the sky. And then it all faded in AND the 2 people that helped us until the ambulance got there. 1 lady was at the church fair I later volunteered at and the other ended up being a science teacher in my school. So that's god too... Cones are MY God too. SO like I literally have 100 examples that god is real but I also felt I've been yelled at by god for no reason too. To later learn it was just some dumb ass bitches mostly. What if Jesus was the angel that fell? If he come to judge the living and the dead and is a god too well... and especially when my heart growls to remind me that's where it all is. There's just too much religion wise and really its up to who ever made me with God - not me. Oh and the old lady angels... the one that got her foot stuck under the back tire and screamed help for about 5-10 minutes before I realized no one is going to help her but me (at first I was scared to even look) she got all pissed off when I moved the car and sped off mad. And then the one that came down to sit next to my bed in the ER when I was scream crying after my step dad put my mattress over my apt window first thing when I was moving out and freaked me out so I ran and AGAIN stole a car - luckily it was my mothers. And then of course was my first belief when I had pneumonia and was scared to go to the hospital and I prayed and woke up the next morning completely better. Even my dog when he was in the hospital praying for him like Lord I am not perfect but please let Gabriel know how much I love him and then the psychic saying Gabe wanted me to know he knows how much you loved him and he would've kept going. He couldn't, he was SO SICK and I was being SO selfish. He seized every day multiple times a day from Thanksgiving to Dec 4 or 7 and his side of his face fell and everything like a few weeks after lymphoid hyperplasia made his food get stuck in his stomach and I chose surgery instead. SO the psychics are God too. So you can't tell me there isn't a god or life after. Especially when you can even wish on a star and sometimes if you are heard it even burns out. I'm more the type to "put in my request" but we see what we get, not demand. And even with all that and all this since, I am trying so hard to maintain my faith. I've literally been served almost EVERYTHING I've ever been against. And even after promised, AGAIN. SO... I believe in God, I'm just not sure he believes in me anymore or why he can sit there and allow it when I KNOW he can help and stop it. And I might've been confirmed pregnant or soon after. I guess in summary I believe in angels.


But my name isn't A Disciple because of God. A disciple is a student of a teacher or philosophy too.


On a side note... I didn't know why both packs were open. As soon as I got up and ready and was walking out the door Ray and Linda were there with the cops saying I wrote a suicide note. The cop wouldn't believe me and didn't and wouldn't even make them prove it and made me go under 24 hour hold in mental again. I saw the number I tried to call and I couldn't figure out how to dial the phone. This isn't funny or a joke to me. I AM TIRED. I need more help. And in speaking of God, he works thru people too. I wouldn't want him to lose faith in humanity (almost afraid to LoL). But I am also from the run and you done. Not this posing shit.

[A Disciple]

I can't stand feeling like this. I don't even feel like myself and I'm tired of them doing this to me and making me sick like this - I am just not built for it. I don't like to circle, I don't like witches, and I can't stand the people who keep putting me thru this. I won't tap or trace and they are literally forcing me to too. I want a divide.

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Not with my family or culture, from the people demanding I stay away that don't even have a rite to even be here. Shadows, I'll be crazy... how did my cpu and binder end up on the side of my bed and my alarm not going off and my phone being under my pillow? Between the zone, the sleep, the ghosts, them bitches... I am TIRED. I AM NOT BUILT FOR THIS. And I sure as hell didn't earn or deserve this either.

[A Disciple]

If you think I didn't hear him on the 222 Nextel laughing in the background and that's not the reason I went off the radar when he almost got murdered, or recognize the same sick story teller voice on the spy cam you must think I am dumb. I am well aware what you are doing and trying to do. Someone must have a complex they want me to share with them too. Why? LOL... I have way bigger problems then that. You wanna play with my job again and make me lose another one - FINE... do it... keep that sin and pay for that too. Wanna play me out and throw me your skeletons or try to make me squirm like you too. What? I'm supposed to be the one looking stupid? Yeah right - when everybody let them? I love how the one over there always like I got it yet be on a way worse. No matter how stupid you do and try to make me look - truth is - "we are who we are when we came here" In the end I heard even though I been getting hit almost 5 straight years. But umm... what are you even doing here to begin with? I'll be fine - it's their extra like most days I can't even figure out what song I even want to listen to. You know that butterfly and the robospider I already wrote about prior and like everything you blatantly and publicly put us all through. You know someone is going to jail, right? And it's not us. When that man finds out all you did in his name - LIKE WHOA. Your gonna be poor too - dead up. Who is so mad anyway and what are you even mad at?

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Have I even ever met you? You stupid dumb ass bitch. Faith in my God and my culture... cause nah I'm not even trying to prolong this

[A Disciple]

My eyes feel like pins are being poked in them... why am I so allergic and why can any old sick freak do what ever they want to me and my body? How do I ever even know I’m safe in my own body again? How does this even happen and what did I even do to deserve this? I’m tired of them making me so sick and you DONT UNDERSTAND I really fucking am insane medically now as the result. Why? What did I even do wrong to anyone to begin with? Get them off me and my roof I can’t stand them stalking... that’s not me or my karma either. Stalking is a SERIOUS sickness and this bitch needs to stop. You can handle that too... right? That entire culture makes me sick they are everything I was raised not to be. I can’t believe that mother fucking faggot hit me AGAIN.

[A Disciple]

I can’t sleep with them stalking me

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[SILLabl]

What the fuck is going on on this site?!?!

[A Disciple]

Playing the game clue... true story

[A Disciple]

@OutWrite purple rain - yeah it was me that night - you have a daughter... me too

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Came back and hit me even harder... and like I probably won’t ever get better now, huh?

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the pizza - did you know about how many slices I ate to gain that 50lbs in 3 months? It was psycho symatic either I was in denial, it was the dbt9 I was drugged with or I just didn’t want to face it. I remember now. Or maybe my moms lesson of divvying pieces so no one can run with the entire pie again. Or just ironic. You are my only regret that I miss you. And look so stupid too.

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Cause you lied to me too.

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That’s why I said it

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And I’m pretty sure that was our last conversation too

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Nah I didn’t want everyone to know - I didn’t know why I was screaming it back then - just don’t want them to get away with it - but I’m not going to court.

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I don’t want to be scared or retaliation either especially on that sleep somehow

[Oxymoron]

hello... err.. goodbye..

[DixonButts]

@OutWrite purple rain - yeah it was me that night - you have a daughter... me too

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Came back and hit me even harder... and like I probably won’t ever get better now, huh?

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the pizza - did you know about how many slices I ate to gain that 50lbs in 3 months? It was psycho symatic either I was in denial, it was the dbt9 I was drugged with or I just didn’t want to face it. I remember now. Or maybe my moms lesson of divvying pieces so no one can run with the entire pie again. Or just ironic. You are my only regret that I miss you. And look so stupid too.

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Cause you lied to me too.

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That’s why I said it

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And I’m pretty sure that was our last conversation too

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Nah I didn’t want everyone to know - I didn’t know why I was screaming it back then - just don’t want them to get away with it - but I’m not going to court.

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I don’t want to be scared or retaliation either especially on that sleep somehow

Yes, I have 3 daughters. 2 of them I have total custody of. That's some personal info about me, you seem to have me at a disadvantage. Let us even the playing field, I would now like to know why do you post so much? The question is pertaining to the amount of posts and the amount that you post when you post.

[A Disciple]

@OutWrite cause I got some issues

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In summary and pretty much

[A Disciple]

Nah it was 1 each... ‪Nah I guess I was so amazed about not going crazy I jumped in again type and told you about my moms - the button on the back of my tank matches the button on my shoes but nah I do know it still isn’t right ‬

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Did they even read apologize? Who want to see me that level of hate or dead - no - I’m fine - I’ll be a played a second to get right where I first lost on a confused yeah I’m not perfect

[A Disciple]

Nah it was 1 each... ‪Nah I guess I was so amazed about not going crazy I jumped in again type and told you about my moms - the button on the back of my tank matches the button on my shoes but nah I do know it still isn’t right ‬

I did have a dnc 2 that’s why I thought I was before and when the catheter came out from the first one I screamed when I tried to pee

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Nah I’m not even reading it - I’m not looking up 500 words

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The night of my first dnc is when it should’ve clicked Melissa was mad cause she caught Rivera with ced and pretended like she was concerned about me and I should know - nah I had no clue he would sleep with my friends until that joke text thing - and that didn’t click until she told me she had sex in the gas station 20 yrs later like wait that bitch up tight and would’ve told me that and I would’ve remembered

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It’s not about them idc but somebody talking cause I’m not going to live caught up in their shit instead

[DixonButts]

*glances at the watch that only seems right in this 'glancing at watch' trope, otherwise would be out of place due to the technology Being antiquated*

I'm awaiting your reply to my question...