The story of how Toobs and I met.

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Thread: The story of how Toobs and I met.

  1. #1
    ManifestDynasty
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    The story of how Toobs and I met.

    In the early nineties my family made their living as permanent extras on the set of the classic, Bob Sagget hosted "America's Funniest Home Videos". It was a meager living, but it taught the young me two valuable lessons. One, hard work and dedication can take you anywhere. Two, the grandprize on AFHV is worth $10,000. I set out immediately to combine these lessons to winthe prize. I was successful after several attempts and in the final try, i lured an unsuspecting, and unknown to me, child into the classic trap of digging a hole and covering it up with leaves.


    This decision would alter the fate of both boys for the rest of their lives. A chance meeting. A cash prize. Murder? No, but anyway..

    I didn't know it then, but the unsuspecting victim of my get rich quick scheme was a man named Richard Toots Loli. Toots was on his way into the studio where AFHV was filmed, as well as several other well known TV shows of that time; "Kids Are The Dumbest Things" "Who Wants To Bone My Mom" and the newest breakout hit "Mr. Kooper and The Klan" which was a spinoff of "Hanging with Mr Cooper" which rides off of the success of its parent show by placing the title character in the deep south amongst a revival of the Ku Klux Klan. 26 minutes a week of reverse-racism played to an average of 300mil viewers and broadcast in 48 countries.

    Anyway, so my trap is set and toots is headed on a collision course. The inevitable then happens. Toots springs the trap and, much to my delight, is reacting HILARIOUSLY. That ten thousand smackaroonies (yea, they call dollars 'buckaroonies' in the 90's) was in the bag. Soon I would free my family from the life of laugh tracks, ugly ppl on film and my fatherís newly formed crack-cocaine addiction that he picked up recently after becoming curious watching "Mr. Kooper and The Klan".

    Not only did Toots shatter both legs like wineglasses, suffer a severely hyper-extended knee and protrusion of the anus from the fall, but later that month, my video failed to win the grand prize, placing second and receiving only $2500. However, seeing the amount of pain and suffering I had caused to Toots, I considered my options to help everybody win.

    The first plan involved using the prize money to purchase a firearm to end Toots's misery. This I had seen done to a pit-bull puppy on an episode of "Mr. Kooper and The Klan" guest starring a young Michael Vick.

    I dismissed this, as since i had drug toots to the tool shed where my family lived in until I could figure out what to do; and the shot would awaken my father who would issue a savage, crack starved beating to me, and definitely a slow-hump rape to the newcomer. I toyed with idea after idea until I decided to take elements from several of my faulty ideas, and combine them, making a somewhat decent storyline if this were an elementary school writing showcase. Good enough for me.

    I executed the plan as such;

    The first thing I would have to eliminate was my father. Crack money wasn't coming in like it once was and the beatings increased to a respectable 4-6 a day, however, I'm my father's crack lack induced rage, he had begun to also slow-hump, full eye contact with open mouth kisses rape me. This had to be handled first. I took $100 of the prize money and approached a Puerto Rican man named "Martinez", whom was well known for his various criminal enterprises including drug sales, human trafficking and bootleg Jane Fonda workout cassettes, and purchased some crack cocaine from him. I then cut the crack with a roofie and robotussin cocktail i had been administering to myself to endure dads ever increasing slow-hump rape sessions and the beatings, which had taken a backseat as of late to my dad's newest deviant hobby. I left this crack-cocaine-cocktail-concoction in the place the crack fairy left his usual delivery, with a little bow and thoughtful note. This problem was solved. Father smoked this magical mixture and fell into a coma like state. At that time, I learned the third lesson: revenge slow-hump rape. And i justa little engine that could'd my dad until i just didn't think i can no mo.

    Second obstacle. My little sister could not come on this journey. The world outside the shed was no place for a little girl. So, after pondering this in between practicing lesson 3, i remembered Martinez saying that he sends young women to Mexico to work for his boss in the "skin game", whatever that was. It seemed perfect, a little vacation to Mexico, learn some job skills, get a tan.. AND Martinez's boss would give me a so-called "finderís fee" of $100! Has a plan EVER came together so perfect before? I guessed that it had not, and waved as the windowless white van drove away to take my little sister on her awesome vacation. And the driver must have been excited as well, because, boy he drove fast! This problem was solved.

    The third, and primary objective was to deal with toots, who's hair had grown out and started to resemble a Jew fro. His body had withered away to near nothing from the constant slow-hump rape and his never corrected broken legs.

    I had some serious thinking to do, and in a dream, the solution came to me. A nightmare about my father slow-hump raping both me and Toots at the same time. The answer was clear. After all me and Toots were not so different and in this dream, the location of matching birthmarks was revealed to me. I awoke in a start and eased my way towards toots to check for the birth mark prophesized in the PTSD dream. When I reached his area behind the lawn mower and beside the crack fairy delivery zone, he instinctively turned on his stomach to make the inevitable slow-hump raping as quick as any slow-hump rape session could be. But, i soothed the young victim and caught a glimpse of the mark.

    It was the same, as the prophecy described. My mark the shape of a backwards '3' and his the shape of an elongated sideways 'U'.

    Could it be that these two strangers could be connected at all? Distant family? .... Brothers in slow-hump rape? Or.. just plain old, regular long lost fraternal twins...

    Of course, this made my heart grow three sizes bigger, and my erection then dwindled down threefold, as it was normally slow-hump rape time at the shed. From that day, me and him were connected and began to grow as only long lost fraternal twins can. Poorly at best. We lived the next few years living by the Rules of the Road", which I usually was tasked with because of toot's still uncorrected broken legs, until one morning, we awoke by a pond that we'd set up camp at the night before. Upon sunrise, the sun's revealing light shone thru the darkness and gave toots a glimpse at his future.

    The suns light was now resting on the "Dr. J's Uncorrected Broken Leg Clinic and School of Debating On Facebook" that lie across the pond. He glanced back at me , I gave him a knowing and understanding nod, but kinda spiked with a weird feeling of lust for each other that only twins feel, and NEVER talk about.

    "Goodbye, Spartacus. Keep workin on that guitar, man, one day you will be the the best and your SoundCloud will have 5 followers!.."

    "Too.." was all i got out before he nterrupted with a gentle but firm single finger to the lips.

    "Call me, Toobs. And I will find you one day. I'm going to get my sealegs back, and attend this school and become a person whom posts nearly 1500 words in every post!. A real live person who does that, Spartacus!"

    And in his excitement, he slithered into the pond, never to be heard from again...

    Some say one a quiet night, just when you think the world has stopped vibrating for the night, you can hear "Peck peckpeck peck peck" of old Toots Loli aka Toobs Saki letting another person get the business end of his gamer keyboard. This is a good time to remind you of your family's, and don't take anything for granted.
    Ask me about my dope ass music.

  2. #2
    You've Earned a Custom Title! frankiemc's Avatar
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    im not gonna use the word retard im gonna use the word faggot. lols

  3. #3
    ManifestDynasty
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    Wanna play a game called 'forcible entry'?
    Ask me about my dope ass music.

  4. #4
    Listen to your heart 🖤 A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    I'll have to read this later LoL
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  5. #5
    Listen to your heart 🖤 A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    Nah... I don't know what they did but (double eyes bulging)… why does this interface suck so bad? Next owner need to upgrade the system.
    _________________________________

    EXHAUSTED...
    They're blocking my comfort and peace
    Look at me! LoL Ö it's not funny (I like AC/DC)
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  6. #6
    ManifestDynasty
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    I know it's a little long. But it's funny and well written.
    Ask me about my dope ass music.

  7. #7
    Human Skin Sombrero Toobs's Avatar
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    Quote Originally Posted by OutWrite View Post
    Wanna play a game called 'forcible entry'?
    back off, Spartacus...
    that one belongs to Toots..

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  8. #8
    and fuck you too Meks.'s Avatar
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    Re: The story of how Toobs and I met.

    "and definitely a slow-hump rape to the newcomer." Laughed out loud at work and was awkwardly stared at.
    Dead.

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