In the air


Over the all the words ... stop when they do to


Remembering the moments feeling so pathetic and weak
So powerless as the storm inside I ride and all of these the moments that I couldn’t ever speak
Dancing with invisible chains in a cage so zoned to pen up all the rage
Like tricking any man all to be free
But Nah that wasn’t really ever me
Those were the days I always prayed I’d never see
Long hauls of hurt vs pain, humility vs humble and shame - all of the emotions I swore to myself and then the slice of it all, was it all was just some dumb game

But them penalties be real
My gma always say she’d think she was dead if the pain she didn’t feel

“I’ve seen your face before my friend but I don’t know if you know who I am”

My gma says she sees my poor soul
But she didn’t realize it was me

I believe her

Cause I’ve been standing in the mirrors ever since and can’t understand or recognize who I even see
And it burns my pride and still brings tears to my eye
To know they always say that it’s all just a lie - like why?
Am I the only one that knows it’s not my fault cause the memories were so buried inside and locked as my mind was the vault

My vanity...
The very reason why I wouldn’t scream or fight as the knife pressed against my face
Feeling like an angel came to read my last rites and my fire, the fire I felt inside as I finally kicked him in the face; I finally found my courage to fight
Or was it the desperation not fearing a death that would’ve been much better at that moment that night

White lightening streaked to a gentle rain - why couldn’t i have just woken up at that moment
I never knew I would never be me again
Never knowing now that I have a fire that will kill within if ever again
Lost without a place and after it all I was left just searching for friend
The wave was crashing so strong that it swept up everything I held sacred within
And that anger, the anger that would build every time a stranger ever since would even look at me
It’s like going to bed with your shoes on so you can run, the one thing you thought you should’ve or could’ve done
And it’s only your own worst moments you can never see coming
With a flash back to every save you ever gave

(Over the drums)
With everyone just standing their watching like it’s just not the moment

After the drums...

But your task is to find your power again with out shrinking or hiding or thinking it’s your sin
I screamed it EVERYWHERE before I even realized it was true
And insanity is the moment you realize it happened to you
As my eyes go left or to the right or as they watch them blink too much
As they shake it off as just a word as they do when they never been touched
And I can’t tell you why
But I still feel the force of that kick as even 9 years later I cry
Just praying they all die
They go to jail for 5 yet 10 years later you’re still the one being punished
Watching yourself fall from the outside in as you plummet
I’m not sure how to walk again either
So I guess that mean neither
I don’t know if your heart will ever grow or if you ever really do heal within
So I guess it’s Just another lesson you needed to learn, and hear so now you know we are never alone my friend - never alone again - even if it’s just facing a ghost that will now always haunt us within


Who am I now?
————————

... but I did help when you were screaming - it may have taken me a moment to find the courage but I did and you were mad then too even though then I was just a kid - and all these tests - when do you realize you’ve gone too far and idk if I ever even want to be a guardian now again