User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Can't even be myself, Can't even write

  1. #1
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Can't even be myself, Can't even write

    No Days Off

    I’m a soldier, I think Pac said it the best
    I thank our enemies still for handing my vest
    And I’m not sure of the rest
    Or what’s this all supposed to test
    Still getting my ass kicked
    Swung all around
    Dealing with insanity sane not the problem
    It’s the medical now, that damage profound
    Saw some shit tonight and it fucked me up
    Police lights at the corner store and I smiled
    Like what the fuck, is it cause it been a while
    It bothered me, cause a felon a lot like me, never free
    Outside that bodega just trying to feed a family
    I couldn’t feel anything worse
    Cause waking up on this side is just another curse
    And these bitches don’t even need a reason to assault me
    Still trying to figure out how a stranger get on a random strangers body
    I can’t fucking stand them forcing me to share it
    And if the shoe fit, but it isn’t even mine, so how the fuck I’m forced to wear it
    Nah, they used to call me Cherella but once again this story is all you
    TIRED OF THEM FUCKING HURTING ME and everyone letting them too
    I don’t mind being hurt, or damaged, it’s a prisoner that’s fucking me up
    Tired of being punished or treated less then, 1992, now that’s wassup
    I just care about anyone that thinks they are to say who is or isn’t worthy
    I’m just like I know I ain’t less then grimy or dirty
    I learned to turn my back now, I’m still learning how to be mean
    And there’s a lot I can’t stand to see especially those who sit there and watch but won’t intervene
    I never learned how to play chess, not that I even want to now or ever did
    I never had to strategically plan my life because a future isn’t given and that’s just how I lived
    I don’t think it was my wrong move when I got shot
    I just think these elite type bitches get away with a lot
    I stare at my father’s picture, not my dad that raised me, I’ll call him 62
    And realized that’s why every card is always dated month and year too
    This shit is real
    This is shit I really feel
    Shit I really be and see
    They still don’t let up like theres 2 gods, one that does and doesn’t know me
    One that’s always yelling or mad and then the one that just thinks they a God attacking my body
    They got a harsh history for the demand to never know our blood
    Well I got a demand too, and that’s when I remember I’m hood
    Hitler you’re gone, and buffalo hoe bill you are too
    Cause the only genetics I see that need to be cut – is the likes of types like you
    Everything is so confusing, my fam, my team, my dream is torn all apart
    I feel my Gods light and I feel the rib of my heart
    So now they torture and force me to share my body again
    I rather of been dead from the start

    Hustling too hard, the fuck you even talking about
    Maybe if you came from where we are, many have tried and too many can’t get out
    Hypothetically if it was me, the prices would’ve gone down
    Found money free money and word would’ve got around
    I was better then jail, everyone knew I couldn’t sell
    I was finally good at something and they also knew I wouldn’t tell
    Nah I don’t wanna know, I saw the burn in her tongue
    And I don’t care either cause I’m aging forever young
    Tired of the nightmare, tired of the abuse
    Tired of some strangers thinking they can choose
    Tired of people pretending they don’t know what I’m talking about
    And tired of being their prisoner always casting a doubt
    Nah shit is real sacrileges and spiritual too
    They think they can just assault my soul and body while no one care what they do
    I woke up in a hell beyond my worst nightmare you can ever imagine
    Check my hospital dates, I’m tired too, time to expose them fascists

    This isn’t funny or a joke to me.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I really need to know who is the family doing this to me...

    - - - Updated - - -

    I really need to know who woke me up and got away with doing all this to me.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I really need to know why or how I don't even have protection and ESPECIALLY how and why I can't even protect myself or my body

    - - - Updated - - -

    Like some sick bitches joke.

    - - - Updated - - -

    No I don't think you realize what these past 5 years of disrespect and torture has been like.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Get the bitch who attached herself to me and tries to pray with me off me even if it takes my own life - its MY body and I REFUSE
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    In Your Head
    Posts
    26,914
    Battle Record
    242-30
    Awards LLL HOF PS Champion/IE Champion Legendary OM Legendary Member SS Season Champion SS HW Champion OM HOF FL Champion 200+ Wins Haiku Season Champion

    Re: Can't even be myself, Can't even write

    Some raw stuff here. Emotional and you can feel it as you’re reading it that it came from the soul. I don’t know you but I’m sure that you’re talking about something deep and true to yourself here because of how free it feels as I’m reading it. There’s no structure or direction to it other than the direction your head took you..I use to be more nitpicky about rhymes and syllables and spelling and structures when I posted here over a decade ago on the regular..but when I left I got heavily into rapping on a stage and for people in person and all of that stuff that I cared about on here sort of went to the wayside as I learned how to be more real with my feelings and my own thoughts more so than trying to emulate something I thought of as “good writing”..this had that sort of live show feeling a freestyle has…something emotional and RAW like I was saying. From the heart. I don’t know who hurt you or what bad things happened to you, but I can tell you were having some heavy thoughts and though 15-20 year old me probably would have acted too smart or uppity to read this shit through the lens of something real - 31 year old me can read this and really appreciate through experience that you were speaking from a honest place where you meant what you said and you felt it as you wrote it. Just as I could feel what you were saying as I read it. Appreciate your written! It’s not the written quality of it that I liked..just the real and raw feeling that you conveyed and the fact that you even wanted to share that with a forum full of hypercritical humans. Much love.

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •