TrU StOrY:.....As ShE DyEz In Da MiRrOr

[Eternal~Evidence]

As she diez in the mirror
I look into her eyes
and see a broken soul
Experiencing a life
filled with hardship and cold
I see the misuse
she so calmly hides
She makes my heart crumble
when haunting memories make her cry
Traumatic situations
have become a familiar misery
Drama suffocates her world
without room to breathe
She needs to get away from her life
but has no where to go
As she looks ahead
she sees a neverending road
Reaching out her arms
for comfort and relief
Realizing no one is around
to help her release
Love comes and goes
like feathers in the wind
Realizing life's a battle
some lose and some win
But still she sits away
and wonders from within.

Is it her fault
for failing trials and tripulations
Or is it just a test of strength
for future contemplation
Still tension and animosity
within her escalates
Trying to block out this feeling
she never can escape
Instead she goes numb
looking through her life
With a cold empty stare
no twinkle in her eyes
Nothing is left of her
she is hopeless
It's what she has become
and clearly she knows this
Endless days
cold unforgiving nights
Making her wonder
if it's even worth the fight
She loses the knowledge
between pain and pleasure
Keeping it so well hidden
that she doesn't even remember
Believing in her own fake smile
when a mirror she has passed
Inside she contemplates
how much longer she can last
On the verge of crazy
when she looks up from rock bottom
Waiting for true friends to help her
realizing she don't got 'em
She turns to God
but he can only listen
No reply when she asks
why this life she's been given
She breaks my heart
when I glimpse into her soul
faded pride and powered fury
bound forever in pain that never grows old
Stuck in a daze
as she gazes
Into this life
which she is enslaved
Immune to the memories
between mad and insane
Careful not to hear her own cries
and careful not to show her pain
She doesn't even recognize
the girl in the mirror
Until she sobers up
and her mind becomes clearer
Each day I pray
that this girl will find a way to break free
And each night I wish
that this girl wasn't me.

[Eternal~Evidence]

Hit me up wit sum feedbak an ill do tha sayme....................btw this is a tru story~1luv~

[Pre Tense]

UNBELIEVABLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is truely great work. Great build up and a powerful ending.....
Keep doin what ur doin this is great ..............


PEACE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

[WeRd-smith]

loooong ass piece lol.................but seriously this reminds me of that song by tweet.............just cuz it has that forlorn feeling to it.........kinda makes me sad though just because i am a firm believer in loving yourself before you love anyone else........keep ya head up boo your special.....................the poem was smooth and deep and like i said had a kinda dark and haunting feel to it.............not horror movie haunted just depressed and eerie..............you really could have taken this in many different directions but i enjoyed the path you chose..........one of the better drops i've seen....................1

[Civilized Rebel]

Smooth indeed, the flow was incredbile. And pretty good upped vocab to go along with everything, while suprisingly not being forced or artificial. This poem was just very elevated, but very natural. And that, in itself, is very hard to do.

I thought this to be a very depressive peice. I mean, I can relate to it a hundred percent, on the real. But I guess we have different reactions. The first verse, I can completly understand. But when I have those thoughts, I generally become suicidal. I mean, no hope at all... so why bother with anything? But you reacted by just not giving a fuck, by basicly becoming cold inside. Even though you aint supposed to be.

Much Respect.

~Shalom~

[sILLable]

structure and vocab,all together u had this piece down pack.~1~

[Eternal~Evidence]

Every1~thanx 4 tha replys i really appriciate that u all took tha tyme to read diz and takin even more tyme to look into a persons lyrics.U guyz really caught seen more than wat i intended.So once again thanx 4 havin smart eyes.And ya, 4 tha record my sister is BADASSBITCH4LIFE and JTRIX is my brother!

[Verbatim]

nice and long piece
very depressive, like necro said
you said what you wanted and got it out nicely
nice drop
keep it up, look forward for more from ya
peace

[Eternal~Evidence]

Thanx 4 the feedbak~1luv~

[Spoken]

iight

girl i loved this, and in many ways i could relate, and i do feel that many ppl can, id say a great percent of ppl feel just as lost and left behind as you and i do.

i do belive i could have been able to tell this was a true story from all the pure emotion that was flowing throu this piece.

flow was great, and so was your vocab

just remember that in a world so big there is always someone of there who cares and wants to help, you just got to leave behind the ppl that pull you down, the ones you leave you when you need them more then anything.

just want you to know that i can relate to this so much, and it really did touch me, after coming to RB ive relised that im not so different then ppl as i thought i was, that there are ppl having problems just like me, and also ive had a hard time opening up to anybody even myself, and that reading pieces here, sometimes revel whats going on inside me in a new light, makes it a bit easier to understand

my love

~Tera~
DONT HATE

[Madd Preacher]

you shouldnt a started with ya title for ya openin...it tainted the suspense of what "could" have been in ya poem....this was nice though...i liked the flowetry in ya 1st stanza

but when you ended wit

But still she sits away
and wonders from within

^^ ya word usage coulda been better...take that line..figure out why it doesnt sound right...n reword it...


Into this life
which she is enslaved
Immune to the memories
between mad and insane
Careful not to hear her own cries
and careful not to show her pain

^^^^absolutley loved your flow here...mos def a nice rhyme..


the second stanza was coo..but parts of it were repetitive to somma the ish you said in the first stanza....


and then the home stretch

Each day I pray
that this girl will find a way to break free
And each night I wish
that this girl wasn't me.


great finish!...but because ya begginin was horrible...if i was soe offic. judge...i'd mark you because your beggining could have climaxed what suprize you left the reader in the end...but nicely done

flow- was nice weak n some areas
wordplay- some word misusage but some well played out phrases
structure - self image has been done...but, it is the pure depiction of inner self which must come wit intellect...you did the thang wit this...to acknowlede your being of thought...

fa sho...


igido