The light that shines on me is dim...

[LiraculKorean]

nothing spectacular.. just a short notebook peice i did today.

these hard times i endure were encoutered for a reason
im easin thru life in pain and love in vain like changin seasons
its only teasin me, given quik glimpses of fakin phantasies
i ache so bad... i struggle to stand at ease, demanding greens
askin for an increase in my profit, and a rolly chair in my no a/c office
a faucet that flows as hard as me, with enough water to fill a partial sea
a shady destiny lie in the mist and its hard to see, so im reachin for dim skies
the only light i emit is from my eyes or when my rims blind
im in darkness, shin-high, and its crawlin up slowly, a thin line like light shining behind a door closing
opposing those who show no mercy, adrenalin in my veins coursing
forcing my self of infinite powers to levels known awesome
as i keep my chin up so i can see my horizons broaden

[noncentz]

i like it flow and multi is your strong point and i can appreciate that good post pop

[Mistral]

Yeah i agree...this was a good piece...it made a good read....it flowed pretty nicely through out the piece as i read it....your multies were good as well...your vocab was alright...structure was alright too...overall it was a good piece i thought...keep at it...and keep dropping.

and if you could return some feedback..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...threadid=86721

[sILLable]

ill piece god, short but on point, multis were tight, metas were ill, vocab was ill, structure was there, rhyme scheme was tight to, your styles changed alot over a couple of years, my fav line...

i struggle to stand at ease, demanding greens
askin for an increase in my profit, and a rolly chair in my no a/c office
a faucet that flows as hard as me, with enough water to fill a partial sea

straight ill, keep droppin tha hotness.~1~