~The Emotion Behind Our Word~ ft. Peepers

[Nahlidge]

Worth the read......check it out


I dance on romance's boundaries Hopin' to get a chance
To glance under her limelight AND chant words with my hands

A man trapped in a trance Normally he is the shy type
More like an Average Joe Not good enuff for beauty's eyesight
Very life-like But dead in ways at the very same time
Can't seduce women He's always usin' the same lines
Like a successful actor with stage fright
Unable to make sense
Unable to make cents No matter how often he entertains Ladies and Gents
So he makes his amends Wit his soul purpose
Unable to walk along in the day
His whole life he tried to be perfect
See's his shadow Disappointed he walks away
Not righteous enuff in anyway To absorb the sun's light
So one night he got fed up with life
And these were the words his lungs recite

My whole life I tried to be right But believe me it was hard
Cuz I couldn't be with a woman without leavin' her scarred
My heart was ajar To any lady who wished to walk in
But the next day I'd try talkin' And her mind would juss keep walkin'
Not stoppin ... Kinda good in a way Savin' me the commotion
Cuz I can seldom speak without showin' my deep emotions
Like part of me is broken -
I could utter sweet nothings and mean "fucc me"
Yet say "I love you" and not mean it
But you couldn't say "Bite me !" without me leaving you bleedin' ...
Sorry


Those sweet nothing uttered were only bluffings
i pray for something when i only receive nothing
i beleive these cufflings bring me good luck
i can't imagine all this was just over a fuck
clutching my open cut, i stand at the altar
i caught her in my angel trap and i will not faughlter
she's altered my life in ways that brightens the grays
shades the sun and displays the love, it all comes down to today
i glare into her crystal blue eyes, even after i missed all her signs
underserving of her love, from the first time i wanted to make her mine
this collar, soaked in sweat, theses hands, shaking wet
this day, my mind awreck, that moment, fear collects
the girl, a smile awakens, our future, my heart taken
all that either ends or begins today, the 'player' forsaken
Here she comes, up the aisle, i know she's not in denial.....
so many other girls i've defiled, how can i swear on the bible?
my title, tattooed on my head forever, a married slave
i carried my ways for years, now its time for a new road to be paved.....
"I Do", a quick flash of my future, picket fence house and a pet
But you see, the emotion behind my words......was only regret

[Nahlidge]

Uppin ... This shouldn't be slept on ... Peace

[Transmogrify]

Ok first thing I noticed about this was that the flow was on and off. One Bar you'd rhyme like 4 words and in the next line you'd rhyme two syllables. What I enjoyed most about this was that it provided the sense of actually being there for the most part. The description held well but the story telling element is was sorta lacking. It seems like this was rushed somewhat, there would be a deep line followed by a corny line because it rhymed.
ex.
i beleive these cufflings bring me good luck
i can't imagine all this was just over a fuck

Worht the read though 7/10

[Peepers]

i wrote that line^ and i actually liked it too, i meant to say that before i started the peice
but i still see what u mean, and i agree about the flow being shaky

thx, we need more

peace

[Penskills]

..This was a decent piece...I agree with ^..Flow was on and off.but..your content..well made up for it..overall it was enjoyable..peace...

~Click on Free Stuff!

[Key-Low]

damn......nyce drop, constant style....good flow, great read, good ideas...rhyme scheme fell off a lil towards tha end...but it was pretty solid, good twist at tha end, dope read.....good collab, keep it up....always room ta elevate, peace, 1

[Nahlidge]

Thanks for the feedbacc from all ... It is appreciated ...

[Throwaway123]

okay.. this piece was good.. except the flow was off in some places.. like said above, some points you would have lines with alot of rhyming others there would be very few rhymes.. just stick to one style.. but overall the piece was written very well, nice piece..

[Nahlidge]

LoL ... Damn ... Do that really matter ? Wat's wrong wit rhymin' more in some lines than others ? The reason I do that shit is to keep ur interest ... Peepers is prolly the same ... Shit Imma start usin' a simple ass rhyme scheme ... And watch people start complainin' even more ... But thanks for the feedbacc ... Peace

[Peepers]

word.......if you gotta substitute content for scheme and flow, it's nessesary....content's number one to me

thx guys

[Peepers]

^ one last attempt