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Thread: Left Behind - w/ Sureal, Tsar Casm

  1. #1
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    Lightbulb Left Behind - w/ Sureal, Tsar Casm

    Sureal, Tsar Casm, Quality

    I Know I'm Different, For I've Always Been Told..
    For Within Me, God Must Have Used A Broken Mould..
    My Whole Life, Always Been The Butt Of All Jokes..
    But Whenever I Speak They Say 'Shut Up, You Hoax'..
    My Dear Parents Care, What Almost Seems Too Much..
    I Cherish All Feelings Felt, Even A Simple Touch..
    Because I Speak Slurred, I'm Hated With A Passion..
    Never Share Much, Always Leave Feelings Fastened..
    Yet Noone Understands My Heart, Nearly Torn Out..
    One Day A New Friend, Overcame All My Worn Doubts..
    All He did Was Acknowledge My Life, A Small Wave..
    For He Inspired Me Greatly, I Could Now Stand Brave..
    But... One Day He Passed Me, A Push Then A Shove..
    His Friends Laughed, As He Floated Down From Above..
    Showed He Was One Of Them, Had No Care For My Kind..
    Just Because I'm Disabled, I Was Again, Left Behind..

    A tasteful image..with a vulgar surrounding..
    My life as a gimmick..a group of mutual boundings..
    Forsake me as a Christian..in name of deceny I've failed..
    I was on a mission..now my objectives have de-railed..
    Started from a humble beginning..I was the one overlooked..
    It went from nothing to winning..ending up in a posers book..
    My original friends remained.. on their same track..
    Leaving me with my sinful end..pressing this lame act..
    How could this come with such an attack..from a change of cloths..
    The popularity that I lacked..has turned all my friends to foes..
    All my news friends..are the so called 'tough guys' of the school..
    And to myself I make amends..for being the black sheep type fool..
    Mischevious ideas..set in my brain to wreak havoc..
    Now everyone hates me..when I speak none will hate it..
    And to my original friends..the ones to which popularity was blind..
    They all had soon grown up..and I remained emotionally left behind.

    I despise school, my eyes full -
    Everywhere, the fear is sent again to me. .
    I wish everyone could experience the feelings when the mirror is your enemy
    Wearing thin -
    at school dances, my head hurts and fun recedes. .
    As the 'young women' scoff whilst I trudge by in sweatshirts & dungarees
    Doom envelops, "you'll soon develop,"
    my Mother "knows my trough won't stay shut"
    Here I am, Mom. . Eighteen years of age, & I'm showing off an A - Cup
    My chest fends the boys off
    and my prize disguises years. .
    That are being spent reading glamour magazines and idolizing peers
    A pitiful life, ridding the strife?
    Impossible; in fact, the dream is moreover leaking. .
    Truthfully, I'm the only person in the world who looks forward to sleeping ( & daily. .)
    They call me 'butter-face. .'
    & I dread tomorrow as my face shines
    That is, to go home to drown embedded sorrows in their bass lines
    I listen to stories, abysmally gory -
    unanimous: I meant to be frowning. .
    Somebody's knocking at my door, in fact, it's my destiny pounding
    Hello, destiny -
    in my room, she grabs disastrous drawers. .
    Takes one look at my rack, then laughs & slams the door. .

    Supper talk, defunct & all. .
    Of their days, the children must be selected to share
    As the woeful family tries Pepsi & rice-a-roni to drown collective despair
    The parents ignore it -
    their kids could shake the plague and its hysteria
    That induces its plight on the collective youthful Asians of America. .
    Last edited by Koalatee; February 22nd, 2004 at 09:46 PM

  2. #2
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    Boobs..I don't think anyones going to peep it here..bring it to RnR an else where..
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...050post1210050
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=115818
    WordPerfect

  3. #3
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    oh hell no..15 views no feedback?..
    P.S..On the 14th line of my piece.."hate" is supposed to be "have"
    WordPerfect

  4. #4
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    I dont understand why this hasn'y had any feedback. It is one of the best pieces i have read.

    Firse Verse

    Ok i started reading this half interasted. It was oright. Than i read the last line and went back to read it for the second time. WOW. Some emotion in there. Content of that was nothing short of amazing and it touched me. I belive thats the most important part of writing " touching people" and you did it so well. Flowed Well , Structure was also good i mean i really cant give any negative feedback. Really enjoyed that.

    Second Verse

    Also amazing. Somewhat less emotional for me than the first but still first class . Its a common problem these days , when i went to school as well. So this would have connected with a lot of people. Popularity , geeks so on ... Your flow was good , structure wasnt bad at all... hmmmm what can i say.....

    Third

    Lets me point out the structure made it hard to read the verse. Having said that it was worth putting the effort in since your story was touching to. You attacked it from bit of a different angle which i feel gave a bit of viarity to the piece. I mean this ended of a very good open mic.

    The last paragraph summed up everything nicely and really made the reader think. Which is what you want.

    I would like to congrat you 3 . AND YOU PEOPLE ON OM I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YOUZ ARE SLEEPING ON THIS!!!!!!!!


    if youz can plz return a fev
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=116179

  5. #5
    L0st S0ul
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    This was a deep poetic piece..Like tha imagary and feelin behind it..Good rhyme scheme throughtout all three verses, stayed on topic and each line was on-point..Nice drop and keep collabin..Check out my collab wid diverse, Family Failures..
    ~1~

  6. #6
    -.'real.- Sureal's Avatar
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    Up.. Up.. And Away.

  7. #7
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    If you all love it so much..nominate it for legends..what?
    WordPerfect

  8. #8
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    This was Wack! <-I just wanted to be different from other replies... ^^

    Great Job fellas...

    Sureal..What can I say..you are Dope!

    Tsar casm...Up and coming!

    Koalatee..Blah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  9. #9
    The League's Bill Parcell
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    I love Sureals flow pattern.

    This piece was great. Nice ideas
    behind it. 3 talented heads just
    doin what they do best. Nice work.



    Text (b.2001 - d.2006)
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  10. #10
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    yipptydooh
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  11. #11
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    boobs up!
    WordPerfect

  12. #12
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    since im a lazy twat i aint gonna break it down, well not right now, maybe later, but dont think i didnt read it..lol....blah blah.... usual bout flow n shit , good.... but content ILL from all parts.... which is always the main aspect in my view... nice shit peeps...
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  13. #13
    -.'real.- Sureal's Avatar
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    Up Like A Tampon.

  14. #14
    I'm Roman Catholic Lord Sarcasm's Avatar
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    chea
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  15. #15
    ||RythmicTendicies|| 'PercepTion''s Avatar
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    --[Flow]---
    The flow in all 3 verses was dope..y'all had some dope internals, the bar length was nice, althought i felt that Surreal took it...but all 3 MC's flow was on point...:

    "Yet Noone Understands My Heart, Nearly Torn Out..
    One Day A New Friend, Overcame All My Worn Doubts.."

    "How could this come with such an attack..from a change of cloths..
    The popularity that I lacked..has turned all my friends to foes.."

    "Impossible; in fact, the dream is moreover leaking. .
    Truthfully, I'm the only person in the world who looks forward to sleeping"


    --[Vocab]--
    Vocab was hollow in some places...but overall it was nice, it was spread it resonably well..think Tsar outshiend on this aspect, he seemed to have more emotion and meaning in his rhymes, although all of you were deep...:

    "Started from a humble beginning..I was the one overlooked..
    It went from nothing to winning..ending up in a posers book.."


    --[Concept]--
    Loved the concept..liked the way you all potrayed a different character. and i think there was definite personal touch to it, you all had some dope imagry and emotion put into this piece...gave me an impression of "Blood, Sweat & Tears" lol....just sort of had that "I need to get this message out" feel to it...brutal.

    --[Overall]--
    One of the better collabs i've read, from 3 ferocious MC's...well deserved....4/5...i thikn Surreal came out on top but it was a really close tie, you all painted a deep picture and executed your flow brutally...big props..

    --
    if you got anytime...:
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