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Thread: If Time Was Suicidal

  1. #1
    IllConceptz
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    If Time Was Suicidal

    Mind blowing, everything seems out of date wit the time slowing,
    Its like the existance of nothingness.. Or nowhere that I'm going,
    I can see the world going buy day by day, yet nothing seems ta change,
    Its like believing what isnt real when your fucking dreams are strange,
    Wake up and existance is still amung us, but frozen in time,
    Infinite no longer impossible, boredom'll be closin ya mind,
    Reality sets in, and improbability becomes its own antonym,
    The worst tortue ever, cause outkast is forever platinum!
    If eternally in this state the occurance'll be forever an unsolved mystery,
    The opposite of what was supposed to happen, like a revolved history,
    If only death was prevented by fate, or something more miraculous,
    But fate remains as it was limited, like the 'functions' of calculus,

    If you understand this piece, hit me up wit some feedback. Peace.

  2. #2
    Nephil SMZ's Avatar
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    Pretty nice - good vocab level - flow was ok - I take it you meant for this to be somewhat puzzling because the thoughts were a little disjointed. But if that was your intention then don't worry about it. Saw quite a few multi's - good since your lines were longer. Even thought this was short I think you summed everything up well. Keep writing. Hit something in my sig if you can, preferably Lamentations.

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    I'm dead.


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    Hence Forward

  3. #3

  4. #4
    IllConceptz
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    Uppin.............................................

  5. #5
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    i thougth this was pretty good.... nice meaning to it.... and ya got it across well with the wordplay and scheme, and injection of vocab.... nice and smooth... yeah good,, but id have made it a touch longer.... but as it it hits the point more... maybe longer would have jus filled.... dunno..... anyways nice verse
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  6. #6
    \(^-^)/ Freeman's Avatar
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    iight...

    Had some nice vocab in this... Flow was on point... Nice topic aswell... Quite original a thought...

    Erm... Critisizm... Maybe become clearer in your imagery... That needs the most work... And make your next piece longer...

    ^Do that... And you will have a good OM next time you drop...

    Decent drop... Keep workin at it...

    Pz...

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  7. #7
    IllConceptz
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    Thanks guys, appreciate feed back and critisism...

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