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Thread: 'Ghosts'

  1. #1
    Vokal Rights
    Guest

    'Ghosts'

    Chorus...

    (All through the chorus:- Whispers...'There coming, ther coming, there here, look, there here')

    I never believed in ghosts, they were non-fiction//
    How can you say you understand, you aint livin' wit' 'em//
    I still get the spine tingles and I let out nervous cries//
    At night when these ghosts come alive before my own eyes//

    ----------"ITS GHOSTS"------------


    Everyday is a nightmare but i gotta live~it, watchin' my Dad beat Mum like he was playin' cricket//
    I Wish~it would just go away, he drinks till his limit, and if it dont haunt me in presence~it haunts me in spirit//
    Im only 5 what do I do, I need to stop it but i dont know how~to//
    I watch as my dad puts on his steel shoe, an' kicks my pregnant mum in the stomach till her blood runs blue//
    My mums sprawled out in the hall, coughin' up hairballs, things just get worse as night~falls, then its SOS~calls//
    Then shit seems to snowball when the police say 'G'night~all', my dad jumps through the window and swings at mum like she's a baseball//
    I see my mum slash her wrists as my dad ruptures disks, jesus, this shits like shindler's list//
    I cease to exsist, punches thrown to hard...they cant resist, anger builds up inside me....im punching walls with my tiny fists//

    Chorus...
    (All through the chorus:- Whispers...'There coming, ther coming, there here, look, there here')

    I never believed in ghosts, they were non-fiction//
    How can you say you understand, you aint livin' wit' 'em//
    I still get the spine tingles and I let out nervous cries//
    At night when these ghosts come alive before my own eyes//

    ----------"ITS GHOSTS"------------

    I was stupid when i was young, to late for "I shoulda" its all over and done//
    Now my life has been spun, I cant keep diggin' up these memories of fights that shoulda been won//
    Im older now...if only past had been present and present been past I woulda gave dad a present//
    Straight~out pumped up, flipped and slipped him somethin' pleasant//
    But the past aint present cos the present is now//
    and the only thing i presented him with was a pleasantly frown//
    To late for guilt now, the milk has been spilt//
    My mums life remains still, goin' in for operations to get her nose rebuilt//
    I was made when my dad was young an' fulla spunk, before he upped and bunked//
    Now he's jus' a fuckin' chump, livin' in a hospital, gettin' his stomach pumped//
    To late for regrets cos this his how it is, he served me my life now im servin' him his......//

    Chorus...
    (All through the chorus:- Whispers...'There coming, ther coming, there here, look, there here')

    I never believed in ghosts, they were non-fiction//
    How can you say you understand, you aint livin' wit' 'em//
    I still get the spine tingles and I let out nervous cries//
    At night when these ghosts come alive before my own eyes//

    ----------"ITS GHOSTS"------------

    (SHOUTING)

    YOU WANNA BE VIOLENT...HUH?
    YOU WANNA BEAT ON SOMEONE?
    BEAT ON THIS................BITCH!!!!

    *stabbing sound*

    *SCREAMS*

    *SIRENS*

    (JUDGE) "We find the defendant guilty on all charges, we sentence you to life imprisonment...."

    *CELL DOOR SLAMS*

  2. #2
    ...practice makes poetry
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Posts
    2,700
    Battle Record
    4-1
    very cool man... i thought the emotion was very out on the face of this one.. nothing held back... hope if life is this hard that you find a way to find strength...

    ummm... the chorus is straight dope... love the idea of ghosts... but i don't think it was thoroughly explained... you might need a verse added to explain... or just add a couple metaphors to the mix...

    maybe you could use some more wordplay...

    I see my mum slash her wrists as my dad ruptures disks, jesus, this shits like shindler's list//
    I cease to exsist, punches thrown to hard...they cant resist, anger builds up inside me....im punching walls with my tiny fists//
    ^^this was tight keep up the good work...

    please peep my work

    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...58#post1223058
    Hence Forward

  3. #3
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    England, Liverpool
    Posts
    5,123
    Battle Record
    8-1
    i'd like to hear this in audio, a great concept. some great imagery, the vocab needs a little work but still a solid hook and some occasional multi.s

    keep posting

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



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  4. #4
    Vokal Rights
    Guest
    Yeah, i did it all in one, came up with the concept, writ it and posted it, i'll work on it over time and eventually i'll have it done right, but thanks for the feedback,
    it aint my life now, but it was when i was about 5, thats why i did the "tiny fists" part, but thenks y'all i appreciate it.

  5. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links of replies you left or this will get closed, Thanks.

    Nice Piece By The Way.

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