10-20 lines
no cheating
blind spit
topic= "Stage Fright"
good luck
Stryk9
Ace of Aces
10-20 lines
no cheating
blind spit
topic= "Stage Fright"
good luck
kk sorry i had to go to sleep yester day but i can spit
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its aight. check in. drop in by 10 minutes...
good luck.
peace
you slowly walk up on the stage
about to spit your rage for days that youve holding inside of you like cage
And suddenly your lungs quit and your ther waiting for your tungue to unstick
And your sweating like youve got "the runs" slick and you shoulda been done quick.
But your not and everything you got is tied up inside of you like knot.
And everyones starring at you like "why wont he talk? was this guy shot?
You werent shot your just losing your cool
like the lights and crowd alone are abusing this fool
maybe you shoulda smoked pot instead being so quiet
cuz then youd be like spiting like Slim... when hes on a diet
youd look at the crowd and think they were all in there underwer
if you could jsut get over your fear and get your fucking tungue to swear.
Man such bad writers block but there it is
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and when i say "your" im not talking about you ok aces its like speaking third person for clarification
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Check it...
Backstage
-
Deception to the brain, do I have what it takes to make it?
Its an all or nothing game, will I stand to make or break it?
The questions echo within my mind, I hide behind my seat
A heartbeat away to enrage my face with victory or defeat
My palms embalm perspiration, desperate for more direction
The words I thirst are unheard at first to prevent my perfection
So the doubt seems to grow as I’m a step closer to performing
Recollecting images of my scripts in the form of brainstorming
Close my eyes to recite a prayer, then look my face in the mirror
I take a step towards the door and the fear seems to grow nearer
-
At the Top
-
I embrace the faces of the crowd and try to look past the stares
Recallin all the mistakes I made the day before in my nightmare
I ensnare my verse to be dispersed vocally through my chords
Only to be caught too afraid to swallow as sweat fills my pores
My mind stumbles upon a few sketchy lines and a broken chorus
Trying hard to remember the couple of verses I wrote before this
The crowd adores this, they laugh and mock my poor performance
So it hits me, I can’t fail my dreams of signin autographs and tourin
I recall it all to enthrall the call of the crowd screamin' my name
Let loose the fear that I've felt and grab hold the meanin of fame
Whoa..
Stryk your verse was eh.. not that great. You still have alot to learn about topicals.
Use imagery, try to make the readers imagine they were there in your topical. Elevate man.. No hate.. but seriously.. elevate
Ace your concept was pretty good. Imagery was decent, coulda been better. Flow was nice, and overall.. your verse was a good read. I say you got this easily
V/ Ace
ILLunatic v.s Stryk9 (topical)
ILLunatic v.s GodFather(2)
Add & Follow
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Stryk
Structure was weak-even your lines out better. Flow was inconsistent-pace keep changing throughout. Verse was simplistic-had no complexity at all. I don't think you understand what a topical is.
Ace
Nice structure-lines were fairly even. Flow was excellent-kept the same pace throughout. Imagery was ok-Could of been better though
Vote-Ace
*http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=119989
stryk
didnt really feel yours and your flow was a bit choppy
ace
good concept, good flow
just fuckin better
stryk you could learn alot from this guy
v/ ace of aces
Unexplained, invalid vote. Disqualified. -ILLunatic
Last edited by ILLunatic; March 20th, 2004 at 03:27 PM
Your right this is my first topicall im basickly just now started but thx for feed back
ps. aces nice verse
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^you had a nice verse too man. uppin this for more.
i'll hit those battles up later.
peace
up there again...............
..........................
............
peace
alright. uppin again............
...........................
dam that was a pretty hot topical battle gotta say both did well
9
ya shit seemed ta flow good and have an aight structure but ya message wasnt to clear and vocab was weak
ace
nice shit flow good came across very nice vocab was pretty good too
mad props both
but gotta go w/ ace he had an overall better verse w/ a hott story line type deal thing lol
CHECK OUT THE NEW TRACK "Da Struggle"
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lol S9 structure on this wasnt good and he fell off topic at times
.............................................then didnt really connect..................
i mean he needed better storyscheme to his piece.........................
.......................................id say a 5/10 or higher but pushing it............
Ace had nice structure which helped his flow and overall good storyscheme
id say 7/10 overall for him so both can do better but Ace won this topical...
......................................hit my battles up look for them lmao........
vote/Ace for better performance and staying on topic and flowing with the topic
.................................................. ...aight man peace........................
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