Test

[Richard Parker]

Friday night i arrive in glee,
to my silent home, no anxiety..
soon thinkin of that test i ain't ready for,
all the questions & dread in store
the mood changes, food grazes,
the bottom of my stomach which in full praises,
till its doin butterflies when im thinkin bout
then erasin the lies with instinctful doubt,
and next morning wake up in a cold sweat
hopin` my bets with buddies didn't fold yet,
the bets of how long we'd live, this religion followed
with our REAL hopes & wishes, visions swallowed,
we got up; otherwise we'd face the penalties;
does it matter? soon my family won't remember me
but i went anyway, the leader said it's Islamic pride,
but i really knew that it was NOT inside...
i trained in secret, no one knew exactly where it is
cuz the enemy wasn't ready for a terrorist

[Richard Parker]

< doesn't center topicals. screw you newbies following everyones styles, i'll center it if i want.. and i don't.

[Endeva.]

centering is shit... makes it harder to follow i think... props...lol... i quite liked this... you had good transitions, and flow, although it was quite a simple approach... which in this case didnt take away from the read, but i prefer more internals.... your content was good aswell as the theme of writing...some might comment on the structure, but to me of it flows its all good.. so... yeah decent... all i would say is its a bit short... other than that tight......oh , go hit mine, im too lazy to get a link.... and have the manners to reply to my messages,, damn
[edited] some trans were poor, if your thinkking bars

[Richard Parker]

i hate writing too much.
but i like it when the reader complains about it being too short.
to me that means they wanted to read more.
yes, i'll reply to yours.

so far i replied to aisle phive's piece.

[The Beat Mod]

meh...it was ok. The ending didn't seem like an ending though. I guess your not finished the story yet.

Didn't seem like much emotion or description was involved in the piece...and if it was, it didn't stand out very much. Seemed as though u were continuing on about a story.

Short and simple...lines were'nt stretched which is a good thing. Also noticed the useage of multies, good for a piece like this.

Overall...I'd rate it was ok...didn't look like you put much effort into it. Perhaps expressing yourself better is the key...or perhaps more detailed words. Topical pieces need to be really direct towards the subject to create true emotion.

Just my opinion.

[TheUnderRated]

Short and sweet you took and looked at the everyday life of a terrorist as opposed to the usual darkside and hatred for others....unique ..your rhymes were simplistic i think you should of put a little more effort into your use of vocab but all in all it basically flowed well and at the end...all came together pretty nice.........6/10......not bad pz..