R-Bitratah vs. Dragon I

[Haywood Jewblomi]

It's a topical battle, minimum 10 lines, posted ten minutes after this thread. Normal rules besides that. The topic is the soul.

[Endeva.]

check... might be a little over 10 minutes, but ill try....

[Haywood Jewblomi]

Here's mine.

The inner soul is the fabric of the mind,
If you look inside and search, than it's essence you might find,
Some people wonder whether that essence dictates morality,
Others argue that nurturing is the source in actuality,
But if the outer enivorment creates evil in the soul,
Then how can any good come from those who're on parole?
Or those that grow up with no parents in bad neighbourhoods,
Surely those that grow up there can contain no earthly good?
Can do no honest deed, live live's led by nought but greed,
If this was the case with life then i would have to concede,
But it's not the case so my belief is backed up by all proof,
That even those who live near lies will often tell the truth,
You see the soul is the essence of our lives from our birth to death,
From our starting cry to final breath, till only our deeds are left,
And despite our enviroment those deeds,they can be good or bad,
Because it's our soul that determines our actions, and of that i'm truly glad.

[Endeva.]

Thru life if you could, be true only to the good
You should do right so your spirit is understood
And don’t get stuck in the mud of immorality
Because your soul will be deemed with travesty
Sending you to his majesty, the dark over lord
Pending eternal hell, so make it your own accord…
…To absorb only what you can afford
Don’t get clawed by evils grip, flipping tricks
Don’t mix with those who rape to give them kicks
Cos it sticks thru this life and the next dominion
So be generous, kind, not selfish with our opinion
Cos we’re all minions to our self, admittedly
This way the gates of heaven will see simplicity
That is, there choice will be so easy to trigger
Those who are good will stand with his figure
Configured with halo’s as there soul departs
And starts, embarks on the next life here after
To an eternal realm or happiness, joy and laughter

[Endeva.]

[1]

[Bigg E Z]

Okay..

..This one is easily straight

Dragon, The flow was pretty decent.. And you had good words.. But in some occaisions, you used the same words twice.. ( I.E - Grow Up)

The Imagery/Emotion was very poor.. If u lack in some stuff, you should work on the other.. So, u need to grasp a sence of emotion.. And work on the 'Using the same word twice' thing..

It was a decent read for a piece that was written 10 mins after u opend the thrad.. (Though i do doubt u wrote it in 10 mins)

Dev, You took round about 30 mins to write yours.. And its blatantly fact that to write a decent topical, u need to have around 30 mins spare..

Your Emotion skill on this was obvious.. The Raping line was nice..

All in All, Dev won, becuz he took his time.. & u need time to write a good, emotional topical.. Especialy if its about 'The Soul'

Vote/Dev

[Cels]

Dragon, The flow was pretty decent.. but u lacked on the emotion, there wasnt enough of it.. couldnt really find it.. u also lacked on Imagery too.. wasnt really there

Dev - i could really feel the emotion in this peice, it really stuck out.. i could draw a picture in my mind too.. good structure and flow was on point, nice peice

overall - Dev won because his was more deep and emotional, i felt it more

Vote disqualified for inadequate feedback. Please see this thread if you need help on what qualifies as an acceptable explanation. - Ambiguous

[Jacent.]

V/ Dev

dragon's flow was pretty off point at times, imagery was lackin in a lot of areas, couldn't really get to where you were coming from here,

Dev, pretty good piece, i know the topic was gay but at least you made a bidding effort, structure kept the piece readable & the flow was actually pretty nice

dev wins

Vote disqualified for suspected d/r. Crew vote. - Ambiguous

[Allevyate]

I've never voted on a topical before but I'm gunna give it a shot please return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134407
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=134382

I liked Dragons piece I thought it had some good imagery but more could help, You used some good vocab in there but were repetitive at time with you words as has been pointed out by previous voters. Not bad

I thought R-Bit (Dev?)'s piece was better for the reason that I thought your flow was on point. Your vocab and imagery were good, but the flow was definitly the best part. When you used double rhymes it came out great. Nice

V/ R-Bit or Dev whichever he goes by

Now please return the favor

[Endeva.]

thnx ill go put an 'honest' vote down on one of your battles.... its only good manners.. right?... lol

[Allevyate]

no i only want honesty and nothin else there is no other way to elevate, if you think I won say I won and if you don't then vote for the other guy........

sorry if this is freepostin

[Endeva.]

man i already voted.. and yes it was honest, obviously, im truthful and dont DR... im no fool... oh and quit freeposting in my thread..k.... now i jus wasted an upp so now its [2]

[And Death]

Dragon I - Your structure was okay for the most part but even your lines out a little more. Your flow was okay but you seemed to lose it in some parts. Your vocabulary was good but some words seemed to just been thrown in and didn't really fit. You fell off topic somewhere in the middle but you managed to get back on track in the end.

R-Bitratah - Your structure was nice because your lines were all fairly even. Your flow was good and remained consistent throught your entire verse. Your vocabulary was okay and was used in the right context. Your remained on topic which is important in a topical battle.

Vote - R-Bitratah

Return the favor:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...44#post1497444

[Haywood Jewblomi]

uppin1. I would like to point out i did write that in ten minutes. Everybody's feedback is appreciated though, as this was my first topical. I'll make sure i vote on a few of you guys stuff as thanks.

[Haywood Jewblomi]

Well, i would post on a few of you guys, but you've all already won, so i can't. The people who post next though will get replies from me.