Hell's never branding me

[Bounce]

Hell's Never branding me

Anxiety lays claim to my first and last breath of each day
Picture this, swollen lungs that can’t grasp what life asks
Distressed organs moan as hypertensive pupils’ blast past
The upper limits of internal pressure, all by large measures
Simple pleasures may seem outrageously way out of reach
Darkness shrouds D’brilliance of our Suns’ radiant warmth
Upon my cheek, solar smiles sent to dazzle on deaths creek
Fall victim to my affliction & attenuated by my convictions
Seems my rhythm ceases to be, leaving only unstable beats
Cardiac unrest! Will I slip into a heart attack of eternal rest?
Vision, often an intermittent blur, speech, it’s more of a slur
A tight chest pounds in anger, as I am submersed in danger
These feelings I can’t shake yet I tremble night to day break
Destructive thoughts flood my voice filled head, am I dead?
Is it death I truly dread? Cold shivers creep down my spine
Is this my time? Gelid hands called forth from the river Styx
The serpent stands poised while his tongue flicks for kicks
An ancient trick, legerdemains, as deception’s his only gift
Demons manifest in the flesh, blessed yet equally stressed
Mans oldest demise, resides in the blinds of his own mind
Shutters stutter about while mental health’s greater wealth
Evil winds once blew through and maid bedlam a nice view
Modern asylums focus on padded ‘wallets’, but “Prozac’s”
What they now call it… Society takes medicine with ease
Yet knows not why most live life from down on their knees
Devils invade where they can’t be seen, all for the green
Pharmaceutical buck… Altered souls grow by the shiploads
So as I feel the grip of death grow cold, I stand and behold
All the glory of God’s throne, break the shackles that bind
My free spirit and mind with the divine strength given me
Anxieties’ hold erodes as I explode with a burst of energy
Insanity boarders a life of calamity................................
.........................................but Hell’s never branding me!

[Bloom.Quist]

Wow bounce. Welcome back and a great way to come back. Poem was outstanding in every aspect. Flow was wonderful, a change from the basic aabb type scheme you see everywhere. The emotion that was played was great. Strucuture was almost without a flaw. Very nice piece bounce. One of my favs.


Anxieties’ hold erodes as I explode with a burst of energy
Insanity boarders a life of calamity................................
.............................................but Hell’s never branding me!


^Great Ending.

[spokenoh]

This was some brilliant writing. You are a genius with poetry, and all it's elements.

This was creative, very humorous in some places, and descriptive. The vocab was incorporated evenly, adding more comedic futures throughout your lines. At some parts, it felt like a Sage Francis song with the humour and spectalating points such as:
"Modern asylums focus on padded ‘wallets’, but “Prozac’s”
What they now call it… Society takes medicine with ease"

Actually, I had intended to write a piece on a man often characterized as a "lunatic" with daily prescribed medicine. Someone always beats me to the punch.
I can't really describe all the influences this piece just gave to me and my soon writings. Best line:

"Vision, often an intermittent blur, speech, it’s more of a slur"

It's almost a metaphor for our youth today. This was a great piece. Peace and thanks for the reply to mine.

[Thrust]

shit, bounce this was a very good read, i mean you brought it all to the table, the flow i loved, the vocab blended perfect in this, concept to the story was well portrayed, and that ending was really catchy, your verse here was filled with hot lines man, kept it on an upper level the whole time

The serpent stands poised while his tongue flicks for kicks
An ancient trick, legerdemains, as deception’s his only gift
Demons manifest in the flesh, blessed yet equally stressed
Mans oldest demise, resides in the blinds of his own mind

those were the 4 lines that really stood out to me, showed off some really good talent that you've got

keep dropping, i'll keep reading cuz this was good bounce


hit up my piece called Ashes Across the Sea if you got time for it

[Bounce]

Thanks for your time...

[ILLusions]

Damn man...the way you put shit together is really nice. I think almost everything I've read of yours so far has been pretty dope so props to you...now for this piece.....

"The serpent stands poised while his tongue flicks for kicks
An ancient trick, legerdemains, as deception’s his only gift
Demons manifest in the flesh, blessed yet equally stressed
Mans oldest demise, resides in the blinds of his own mind"

^^^^

Tight part! I thought this whole thing was nice to read. You had a great rhyme scheme to it...it flowed really well. You keep it interesting while showing people shit they might not have seen before. Good vocab and the overall outcome.....great work! Keep up the nice work Bounce!

[Bounce]

Thanks, for your time and I'm glad you enjoyed the read, I hope the metaphors were picked up as my drops are never on the surface...

[Sublime D]

that was very good...beautifully woven metaphors and excellent diction and syntax....nice double meaning...not exactly an alegory, because you basically said what it was abotu towards the end...very good...much skill evident...fi you have the chance check otu my new one..it's a coupel below this one

9.2/10


edit: i used the wrong tense of weave lol...

[Laureate]

This was very well doen Bounce....complex covab and rhyming, yet the message was still clear...keeps the reader interested and hold their attention. You showed great creativity as usual... This was a great read man....keep dropping! i can never get enough.

please peep "Til Death do us Part" or "Behind the Scenes" in my sig. or both

[Bounce]

Thanks for the reply guy's, I will return the favor as I have the time.