Grandparents

[Tim]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143415
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=143426

The kids who end up sellin Cess, or failin the spellin test
Must've never had Grandparents like Al and Helen West
The tale I'm tellin is the best, cuz I speak from the heart
Death got it's weak start, but couldn't keep you apart
I'm weepin and I'm blue, cuz I swore to keep it true
The World would be a better place with more people like you
Who can do what they have to do while laughin it through
I kept glad my Step Dad was watchin after you
And to Stan Payant, a Man can't father a teen
Or even bother, like the way you raised your daughter Irene
I aint believin what I seen, tougher then Steve McQueen
Weavin the dream while you we're hooked up to the breathin machine
That was scarier then Man Slaughter, shovin the knife
I married your Grand Daughter the love of my life
And I still remember what little time we had
But still I find it kind of sad, cuz you remind me of my Dad
I know we'll reunite if I'm strong and believing
But still my song will be grieving for as long as I'm breathing
I start to dry my eyes, but cries are hard to disquise
Cuz when I'm saying my goodbyes, a little part of me dies


[..Euthanasia..]

[Tim]

uppin this shit

[ill-logical]

not bad at all....nice flow....fluent rhymes....some sounded like they were forced, but overall it was good....keep that shit up bro...peace

[MKs]

not bad at all....nice flow....fluent rhymes....some sounded like they were forced, but overall it was good....keep that shit up bro...peace

exactly.. nice keep it up

[Tim]

can i get some more feedback please

[Tim]

common peeps any more crit

[{UneeK}]

the flow was excellent....the message was good....but....

I think you seriously need to rethink your wording, cus to be honest your vocab was really low, even for a straight-forth message, I can understand why you had low vocab, but it felt to me like an *unrawish* peice. The wording that reached outed to me, felt played. Good you kept multis in though, but try and opt for higher level vocab, just to keep the verse on a rawish note, cus it felt kinda commercial type style to me.

Keep perfecting the art of verse sculpturing my friend....

[Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic]

Very emotional piece, I was feelin this Hov.
This was touching to me, and though none of my grandparents or grandparents-in-law(im too damn young) died, it was something to remind us that you never know what you have till its gone. This was a personal piece, but you put enough to give a message of your pain. Ill piece fam.

[LM]

I liked this a lot...

It was filled with emotion and you told a story really well. It was not the most complex of verses but you kept a balance which complimented the piece and made sure you didnt over do it. The flow was smooth and made for an easy read.

Overall good drop, keep it up