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Thread: Beginning........Life.........The End

  1. #1
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    Beginning........Life.........The End

    Beginning........Life.........The End
    Written By Timeless


    Life Begins in a whirl of darkness until the eyes of the world open
    Soaking in the juice of life, and drenched in sticky deaths blood
    My movement slow, no reaction to touch, smell, taste of kings
    The search for air starts, My first struggle in a world of hate begins
    I emerge from my life’s gate, light shines into my soul with ease
    Met in a confusion of colors, with a dizzy sound of happiness
    I cry but not knowing why, I’m just overwhelmed with thought
    My mind a caption of images, which a picture of my mother is caught
    Now getting rocked with the softest of touches, tilted and turned
    In warm arms, my head of which my first thoughts are kept, cradled
    I am cut, in a way with no pain, and released from my inner core
    Now free to roam, search, survive, but still to brittle to explore
    I am taken from warm arms, now engulfed in a manufactured sheet
    I feel no love, heart or soul, from this deadened piece of cloth
    Feel my heart beat fade, as I am swiftly removed from my mother
    now with only one heart beat, my life’s emotions will now suffer
    ~::~
    30 Years Of Age, no kids, no wife, no family, no friends, just myself
    In a eternal fight with my emotions, from which was lost at birth
    I feel empty, staring at this hole in my floor, my hearts in the same state
    My mind rots with every tick from the clock on the table, infested with fate
    I wonder through life, wondering about how it feels to love, hate, want
    Something I have been without as its locked deep inside the box in my head
    The keys, fell into a wishing well, and never returned with the essence of time
    I’ve tread on the water of finding them, but not given enough breath as gods design
    Finally given a life line, in the form of a goddess, as she descends on my heart
    I start to feel things I used to remember long ago, but time forgot to gift me
    My iron clad box, unravels and emotion is poured into this entwined soul
    In an explosion of feelings, my heart is fused with another, I have no control
    Time no longer rests on the shoulders of my life, I’m free to shine brightly
    I am now expecting to see My beginning from the other side, fate elapsed.
    How did my parents do this, how did they give away love, the greatest of gifts
    In the moment of seeing by baby’s eyes, My beginning eroded into a mist!
    ~::~
    87 years young, that’s how I feel, when with the women I love, and trust
    Even my TV dinners that I hate taste like exquisite, luxury fests for kings
    I hold her hand as we sit on the porch swing, watching life pass us by
    And life can keep passing, We are giants in our own world, watching from a high
    But sadness struck, and my heart reformed back into misery and heartache
    I watch but can do nothing, as my sweet princess sinks into eternal rest
    I wish god would of taken me, as he has killed my soul along with my heart
    But soon I will be taken into pure ecstasy, and reconnect like we never part
    As my box comes back and I forget how to love, hate, feel…..anything
    I get quite lonely if it wasn’t for my grandchildren, they keep my alive
    I want to leave this world as the sunsets don’t seem quite so beautiful to me
    I look back into my life, but only see the negative temporary reality
    As I get ready to go to bed, not knowing it would be for the last time
    I look around at what I’ve achieved and spent my life remodeling
    I lay in complete silence as my eyes close, soon my angels descend
    There isn’t much point to this story its just 1 persons beginning, life, the end


    Your life is unique, but just a blip

  2. #2
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  3. #3
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    ok i'll edit here......please dont close this!!!

  4. #4
    Banned Vylint's Avatar
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    I am cut, in a way with no pain, and released from my inner core
    Now free to roam, search, survive, but still to brittle to explore
    That was VERY dope.

    87 years young, that’s how I feel, when with the women I love, and trust
    Even my TV dinners that I hate taste like exquisite, luxury fests for kings
    Sickning dope

    I lay in complete silence as my eyes close, soon my angels descend
    There isn’t much point to this story its just 1 persons beginning, life, the end
    Omg, it was a twist that there wasnt a twist.. if that makes cents?

    Anyway, your flow sucks. if there is any. yes your a poet, it shows. Fix your flow and i'll forever be in your debt. your content is sickning. congrats on being raw.


    Return the favor to my peice: The Playground

  5. #5
    I'm Bakk!
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    Flow needs work but the piece was still koo........good job

  6. #6
    .:Fuck You:. Reeco's Avatar
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    The Flow Was Ment To Be Like That!!!

  7. #7
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    ^bleh at making ur flow like that on purpose...that's kinda foolish. It takes away from the piece...since it's really not as smooth. But I guess that i'm just biased...because I would like to see OM's resemble more of a song.

    To the actual piece...this was actually real good. I can tell that probably a lot of work went into this...or one day, you were just hit with an idea, and it stuck. I really did like how the verses came together as one...it made reading it a lot more enjoyable.

    "But sadness struck, and my heart reformed back into misery and heartache
    I watch but can do nothing, as my sweet princess sinks into eternal rest
    I wish god would of taken me, as he has killed my soul along with my heart
    But soon I will be taken into pure ecstasy, and reconnect like we never part"

    ^Really stands out in my mind...I guess because i've felt somewhat similar before, not exactly with a woman...but other things...Strong lines in my opinion.

    First verse is what really caught my attention though...I like how you approached the beginning of life. It created interest for the reader...mostly due to your wording and ideas I guess, their thought-provoking.

    Overall, Good Work. I liked it. Keep it up.

    Return the favour please:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=144310

    pz. god bless.
    - T-West.

  8. #8
    BEST topical writer... Endeva.'s Avatar
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    well timeless, thought this was ok... s ome good aspects and some weak points to it.... i liked what some of your bars were saying, but i felt the executiuon of the flow dragged a bit, wasnt really very smooth, more kinda poetic feel... but asides from that the content was decent... ive seem better work from you, but not a bad effort.... 1
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]

  9. #9
    I'm Illy I'm Illy Qui-Gon Illy's Avatar
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    i thought it was ok... no flow structure and stretched lines like normal text

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