all rules set up in thread...
drop in 24 hours or win goes to me...
check in immeadiately...
may the better writer win...
Twixn...
Sublime D
all rules set up in thread...
drop in 24 hours or win goes to me...
check in immeadiately...
may the better writer win...
Bittersweet
check.............................................
forget this in the beginning...the topic is...
A Father's Grace
Bittersweet
She is beautiful; her eyes are a porthole to her soul
Her soul, is a portal to the potential that life holds
Her body is physical perfection, God’s discretion
Is evident, he sectioned off a second of Heaven
And put it into her heart, a blessing to never depart
A sweet angel fish swimming in a sea of sharks
That wish to tear her apart, but she will still remain
Her might is not strained to break society’s chains
Because her strength, by faith, comes from a special place
Beyond any human notion of what is time and space
A trace of humanity is noticeable in her being
But seeing is barely believing, she cannot be as me
Too perfect to be flesh, I feel a chill from her breath
A fresh renewal to my life every time she enters sight
A bright, shining light, a guide to where love resides
Inside her eyes I see the justification of my own life
Sustenance to my soul on weary nights, a substance
In an existence of nothingness, my joyous respite
From the rigors of life, a trigger to fight, because
She’s worthy of the effort, anything to help avert
Her encounter to stressors, I would bow and bless her
But God might frown, not a fan of idolatry, but
I carry a picture of her and I kiss every night I must
Dedicate my life to her, propel her through life’s race
You make think I filled space…
but a daughter is a Father’s Grace…
Bittersweet
Twix in
.................................................. .......................
Fathers Grace
Drunken rage gets into his car after a fight with his girlfriend
No sense, too far gone no fright, unstable unable to comprehend
Drives for a while, cursing and crying thinking of the past
Wishing he was home with his children comfortable at last
But that life exists no more it was shattered along with his heart
Marriage lost, two souls battered, two lovers forced to depart
Starts driving faster looking to feel alive, notices the bank
Slams the breaks, foot and heel slip car smashes living vision blank
A knock at my door at 3 am I knew something bad was going on
The feel of dread in my heart growing knowing someone was gone
My mom called me into her room, I listened to every word
All I had was a blank stare, unable to comprehend what had occurred
Only one hope they had not yet identified the body, but I knew
That it was true my father was gone unable to mend wished it untrue
The worst days of my life waiting for the body to be confirmed
The thirst to know set me in a phase of grief my life dimmed
Not complete sadness when I look back on all that he has given me
Helped me progress with success, all this information given for free
Even if we didn’t always agree you where still what I looked up to
You made me whole took me and showed how to fulfill and be true
Even in death you walk beside holding me when I need support
You where always there molding me, building into an emotional fort
I will always hold face in memory of you and your strong embrace
Father you will forever be my grace
uppin............................................. ............................................1
up................................................
Bittersweet
uppppppzy......................................... ................................2
uppin 3................................................. ............. honest votes plz
leave a link ill return the favour promise
uppin4............................................ ........
i'm cool wit topicals, so here's a vote.
both had damn good imagery, sub had the flow though, to be honest. twixn's style seems apparent to me, i had trouble wit following the flow though. both had the emotion to be honest. hit it very well. but twixn came wit a story, subs was just a reminsce of a fathers daughter. i'm more into stories cuz it catches my interest easier to be honest. so far that...
vote-Twixn
props to both. real nice.
uppin5............................................ ........ leave links
Sublime-your shit was pretty good man..your flow went well....your structure was built nice..your imagery was strong..you worded your lines very well...i dont think you did much wrong in ya verse..ya vocab was ok
Twixn-i think that you did really good in this one..i think this is one of ya better verses that i have read...your flow was good..and your structure was built fine...your imagery was there...the wordin in ya lines was pretty good..overall props
v/twixn..
PLEASE RETURN THE FAVOR>>AND HIT UP MY BATTLE AGAINST Precise
No, no more uppins given...
But I'll up it for you.
Peace
overall good battle.but ima have to give this to twixn.
sublime:
it was hard to catch your flow...i really didnt feel
what you were spitting....i think you threw to many
multis in there...next time keep your lines a little bit
shorter...especially in topicals....
twixn:
your verse was good...like right after the first line i
was feelin your flow....you lyrics were pretty good.....
it was easy to read...and your lines werent too strecthed...
v/twixn
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