fear to draw breath

[DALC]

Laceration of Imagination is perverse anxiety,
Translation of Penetration can traverse propriety,
Diverse society and converse of variety is affliction.
The sobriety and contradiction is lubrication of pain,
Regurgitation of slain creation is the rain of revelation,
Salvation is the instigation of revolution and asphxyiation.
The evolution of deterioration begins to design error,
The confine of terror can become serpentine emotion..
Benign devotion can intertwine with the ocean of slaughter,
devotion is the water cascadeing through anecephalic fools,
angelic jewls become phsycedelic tools constructing fate,
The obstructing rate errupting does escalate to demise..
We contemplate and convise the lies as we despise race..
We cant exersise the face imprinted on demented thought,
vermicide implemented,were cought in complemented onslaught.
Represented,the robot of adenohypophysial opression emerges,
depression diverges as a concession which converges with expression,
Surges through confession and purges regression of agression..
The supression of impression reveals the concealed pigmentation,
The erradication of inspiration contained in every pained pessimist,
Every explained terrorist of the mind has desighned another mental,
A lover of instrumental eximplification is congenital lamentation,
experimental examination and phycoanalysis isnt medication..
The paralysis of levitation and suspension is the extension of death.
In this level of comprehension,I fear to draw breath....

[DALC]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...362#post1658362
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...363#post1658363
feed back..please.
__________________

[ItsNuFfin]

nice vocab all around nice job lost the flo a little towards the middle n end but still a pretty decent drop shit was sick keep droppin n
Holler at yer Girl

[DALC]

alright.

[StraighAce]

good vocab

[DALC]

uppppin

[DALC]

i need feed on this

[DALC]

upppppin

[Metamorphik]

yo it was pretty sik but the vocab was fucked up lol gotta cut down i found it got boring you need some punches catches dawg make it interestin other then that it was pretty good

[SMZ]

alright I've glanced at several of your things - you got good vocab but you're not using it well - now before you get all defensive just listen to me - or you can keep being wack - your choice...

first off - most of the time you're rhyming with suffixes - over 2/3's of your verse was "tion" words - if you wan'na have the complex aura you got'ta fix that - also words don't have to be long to show your advanced vocab - ie: "pithy", "asylum", "rune", "synapse", "sanctum" are all words not seen in common use - basically if a word is too big to be played in Scrabble then you probably don't need to be using it - I heard your soundclick and the flow's not there - 'cause it's taking a whole beat just for you to say one word

secondly - your phrasings are awkward - ie:
"Laceration of Imagination is perverse anxiety"
you don't have a complete thought here - you just have some words strung together
you could say:
"The laceration of imagination is a perverse anxiety"
to make a full thought - apply that to most of your lines

thirdly I don't care what you say about metaphorical meanings and whatnot - the simple truth is you're just throwing long rhyming words together - now can someone assign a meaning to them? yes they can - but it's purely a matter of interpertation - ie:
"Salvation is the instigation of revolution and asphxyiation"
"Deliverance is the start of change and inability to breath"
wtf does that mean??? NOTHING - yes you can blather about it means this or that - but in and of itself that is pure drivel - now if you want your stuff to be open ended then I guess do your thing - but don't talk about hidden metaphores when it's just a collection of cleverly combined words

and you should take Sublime up on his offer - you have a good mind - put it to better use - don't be stubborn - and don't argue with me 'cause unless you act smartly I will not be talking to you again

peace

[DALC]

Phrasing:
"Laceration of Imagination is perverse anxiety
by saying "is perverse anxiety" i am not personifing the desruction of mental state as a single,concentrated object,but wrather as a "cloud"of emotion;is perverse anxiety,as something scattered.in this case a scattered fear in the hearts of men.im directly saying it is anxiety,it is that particular emotion.
About the constant tion rhymes-i just like them.
One more thing about metaphors in there-you cannot say that im just stringing words togather when i know im not.I specifically chose every word for a purpose and have a set meaning behind everything.so you and others can keep saying i just randomly throw large syllable words in there but since im the one who wrote it,i know that i am not.

[INFAH_REDD]

www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread
www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread
I DID SEE 2 IN ONE THEIR