Civilized Rebel -vs- Mantra (topical)

[Mantra]

16 lines max
topic:time well spent?
due sometime tomorrow night
No one with under 500 posts can vote
all normal rules apply
good luck

check...

[Civilized Gangsta]

checkin in..g/l homie.....................................

[Mantra]

i forgot to include in the rules
only peeps with 500 or more posts can vote


Time Well Spent ?

Everything comes in time, and with time comes age
gazing into the mirror I find the lines defined across my face
engraved by the day's binds it’s the design of fate's pace
to erase the minds of the dying n confine em to a grave's space
...
it takes place all around us, every second of this existence
growing older as the coals dull lulled without resistence
through life, no deadline or clue to who drew the signs
we seek to prove that who we be is complete before we die
it's the story of why, we give meaning to being alive
always constantly trying to see and believe in the reasons why
we were given this time, combined with the understanding
of never knowing when we'll go only knowing that it can be
any moment and though this would seemed to be enough
people still waste what's provided in light of what's given up
thus the decision's up to you whether or not to take advantage
me? I’ve made my mind, to never take life for granted

[Civilized Gangsta]

Life started off rough for us, At age 13.. I already had enough of drugz
Thugz all around my house, and when the copz come.. the bustz on us
How rough is luck? Then I'm back again, wasting my life spitting in hell
The world sucks, cuz the thoughtz within............I aignt gettin to tell
I'm hittin the mark, but i aignt hittin the nail...
....................................And before life could start I was sittin in jail.
The wordz in my heart, overwhelmed............but never could release
And like it wasn't me..... I wuz blinded by the past and never could see
Then you become free..get out of jail for a G...but then you met the lies.
You spent all that time in jail...And now theres family you dont recognize.
But you face the factz, and go back.. to the times you always remembered.
Splendered with family in the "warmth" of a "home"..but those thoughtz seem tender.
You fought for life, and thought you ought to try.....gettin ya life together
So i fought to die, did work and got it right...And now my strife is better
Amazed at how fast time has went..Cuz time well spent...and overall lifes been great.
I got family now.....i'm back at home......and I still know what its like to pray.

[Civilized Gangsta]

uppin this battle..........lets get some votez plz........uppin 1

[Iniquitous.]

hmmm good damn topical realy enjoyed both but have to say Rebel's kept me reading I realy was feeling his shit cant vote but nice drop for both not a bad topical at all

[Bounce]

Mantra you came with a decent drop, technically sound, meter was on par, could of pick up the diction but it was good enough to take this win easily. Very poetic and strong writers voice, good job on that. I think you covered the topic very well, but you could have done better. I have read much better from you bro.

Civil, never ever and I mean ever chanllange someone of mantra skill and use every n00b tactic in the book. Bolding your rhymes and what not is a classic sign of herbish tendencies in a battle. Your lines are way off in count. You really killed the meter of your peice by drastically streching your lines. I see you tried to incorperate more complex of a rhyme scheme, nice try, but the mismatch in lines killed it. Your peice had no poetic feel to it, no complexity. Just to sloppy and haphazzard for me man. You seem to have put little to zero thought into the structure and presentation of your peice. Very below average for toicals here on RB. I know you are trying, so please keep at it. Do not let members with absolutely no clue (bgizzy) as to what is a good written is, lead you astray. There is no way your verse could touch your oppents on any level of writing. Technicaly this verse was very bad. Too many flaws in the meter, diction was lacking, things just seemed to be forced and crammed.

Vote Mantra!

Vote polled...and stop swaying, amigo! - BTK

[Civilized Gangsta]

^i got you man..thanks..uppin this....................

[Mantra]

thanks for dropping a well explained vote Bounce
it's much appreciated...

[Swift Death]

hmmmm mantra takes this... pertty outclassed civil but you took an alirght jab at it, but yeah get rid of the bolding words for sure.

Mantra i thought you had great flow in you peice, also it was very poetic i thought you nailed the topic, and i was loving it the whole way through, nothing really complex pretty basic but you did use complex vocab which made it interesting. Great drop

Civil - You took the gangster path, wherent too poetic here, you told an alright story but really i thought there was something lacking in your verse. I thought it was just a little to generic. not bad though i think you have a lot of potential

fav lines
any moment and though this would seemed to be enough
people still waste what's provided in light of what's given up

vote - Mantra

Could you return the favour with an honest vote:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168097

[Mantra]

thank you for voting
its much appreciated
up #2.

[Mantra]

vote fuckers...........................................

[TheReinvention]

I would.. but im part of Strategic Flows! oh.. so sorry..

[Mantra]

upage............................................. .

[Mantra]

anyone? drop links.........................................