Hard Life....OM

[Crowd-Pleaser]

here is an open mic i did....

Hard Life


everything my hole life bitches tell me i aint shit.. i aint worth a fuckin dime
but shit, what they really mean to me
check it

everyday day at school i would walk the halls only to hear hey u wigger bitch//
it got me down i didnt no what i should do, but hey they aint worth my shit//
i used to have it made girlz, my game was on i just couldnt be stopped//
i would drive though the lane and not a single bitch could block my shot//
but then i lost u, u were the only one that i really even cared for//
but u say that u still think about me but i just think i dont matta any more//
i would chill after school with some of my boys, back at some place//
bitch come talk shit just to say they could destroy all of my grace//
i had everything goin for me i had a nice girl, star of the basketball team//
then ppl start talkin shit, and what can i say why does the world b so mean//
but what i have seen, we need to get away with bull shit n make the world clean//
now she aint believin me and that ends us, so what do i do, i chose to fight//
cuz afta i was goin to be done with that bitch he goin be out sayin good night//
yea we fight and it ends like i thought him on the ground with a mouth of blood//
its like my life is a city and my problems are water causin a huge flood//
i try to ignopre my problems and do what i always do and just roll a bud//
this shit haunts me everyday and i cant think of a way to change this life//
sit in my room and say i could end it all i could just pick up the knife//
but i couldnt i got to many hopes and dreams my life needs to continue//
i just cant change how my past has gone and all the shit i have been through//
its funny how life will turn out, ur hatin life cuz u dont get what u want//
walk around nonchalant life theres nothing wrong, but its me it will haunt//
fuck it im 16 young and have a life in ball, why should i live just to see me fall//
cuz if i recall, lifes a ball game i just got a curve ball, but this time....

......................i am smackin this shit over the mutha fuckin wall//

[Crowd-Pleaser]

sorry how like the last word or 2 is on the next line sorry, it was kinda streched but it needed to be to get everything in it

[*Boy Wonder*]

yo dis spit was pretty original, the lines wur stretched as you said in the post,
one thing about this drop if you wanted to do an audio with this you wouldnt be able to do it, but as far as it bieng a writtin verse, i think that it sounded iiight, nice flow, coulda used more metas in this to livin up the moral of the drop, but yo good werk yo.

[Mistral]

You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

[warchild]

this was ok nothing more, your structure was good but the bars were too long, your flow was ok your vocab was decent it was a good story to the rhymes but you could of did a lot better with it.
return the favour.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168122

[Compose]

eh...same it was ok

flow was good near beginning and it fell off near the middle to end but it was good cuz you used simple words the vocabulary didnt choke it...
you had emotion but you could of used better words to make this aspect shine a lot more...you lacked a lot of vocab the verse was too simple...
i didnt notice a lot of imagery it felt like it was emotion that you were aiming for here...
i dont care about structure so i dont care about stretched lines as long as the syllable count and flow is good...but some of the lines didnt have that like i said earlier about the flow mostly near to the end you could of changed some words around and got the same meaning without having a messed up flow...

overall it was ok elevate on flow and vocab the most

peace

[CrazyCarl]

This was alright. You could have edited the lines a little without sacrificing too much content, so that the lines weren't so long. There was good emotion, you went off a little bit, but stayed with the original topic. You went into detail which also brought up the quality of the piece.

[Crowd-Pleaser]

feedback on other om's....
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...56#post2033256
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...56#post2033256

[Crowd-Pleaser]

it was my first open mic, it was kind of rushed though even though it didnt need to be...o well, i will work on some more

[Crowd-Pleaser]

uppin for feedback

[Crowd-Pleaser]

feedback bitches

[Genetic Carnage]

Lol motherfucker, you made me read what your rank was...
It was aight, but my advice for you is to shorten those bars, they're a bit long. Other than that you did great. You were on topic, your flow was awesome, and the description you put into words really gave me an idea of what it's about. 7/10, keep droppin.

[Crowd-Pleaser]

thanks a lot man, sorry bout the title LOL

[Relic_Writes]

i thought the over all flow was kinda, whiney, sounded like u had something on ure mind at the time, im not much into the self-hate thing, but if thats what u do, do it the best.... upps and peace.

[DiMs_831]

this peice could have been alot better if ya would have used a bit more metas and shortend up those lines but the all around message was clear about how you can easily go from being one person to being a whole different one that u cant reconize and all because of those who love to hate but anyways keep it up