Long Night

[Foreshadow]

Finally its the weekend and I'm going to get high
For some strange reason I was talking with this guy
And all of a sudden weed came up and I wanted to buy
I'm a senior and fuck it I'm to stupid to think things are fishy
I read the address on some paper, it was some crack house in the city
I didnt think much of it because I was over excited
I could practially feel my lungs bursting from the first moment I light it
Damn this was going to the best night ever, I fuckin swear
So I take my white ass out and I can smell weed in the air
I'm so eager to just roll up a blunt and become intoxicated
But I had to ride the subway so my high times were belated
I arrived at the house but it wasnt how he described
To dumb to think I would let things just ride
I walk to the door and I hear the man deep voice
He said come in Dave you have a very large choice
I looked at all the different types and figured hey
I might as well buy the best shit I'll be super high that way
After my purchase I began walking to the closed door
Then it swings open and I hear "Cops everyone on the floor"
Right now I'm nervious and I dont know what to think
But damn this weed smells good its packing a super stink
I clench onto the bag as and let it rest in my hands
I guess this isnt what mom expected for her sons plans
Now I realize this crack house motherfucker set me up
On the outside I seemed calm but on the inside I was nuts
But dissapointed that I might not get to smoke my weed
I wouldnt get to inhale once from this guys gental seed
Everything wasnt going how I had planned it
Damn I wish that bill was passed and this would be a weed smoking planet
I'm so stupid but the cops fopr some reason decided to let me go
Because I was delivering pizza and I shoved the weed in my bag from dominos
I was so happy that I wasnt caught in the act
I guess that me and getting high is now a fact
I was that close to being raided
But hell the rest was a blur and my memorys faded



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168545
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=168553

[youngsolja05]

This shit wuz banging cuz
Wow dude this shit wuz off da chainz
Damn keep postin shit like this
This is not the best ive seen but this shit wuz tyte do
Keep it going

[sick thoughtz]

this was kool simple flow but i liked it holla back

[Foreshadow]

Thank you on the feedback.

[BrayInWav]

LOL@pizza bag... nice escape dawg!

for the rest of it... the flow and structure was pretty good, except a couple of lines that were kinda long... no biggie if it's just for text but for audio it might have to get shortened a bit... idea was good, story was interesting... sorry for laughing about the pizza bag but to me that just came out of nowhere dawg... i was all set like, hmmm it's gonna be another sad story... but maybe the REAL reason the cops let the guy in the story go was, he was the only white person there? lol kidding... but not really kinda... j/k... no im not.




























































still not kidding.

[*Boy Wonder*]

yo nice drop, mayne dis was a good drop, liked the flow of the peice, nice werd play, good storyline, story made sense sry cant really leave a good feed, so i will rewrite this 2morrow

[p O e T i Q u E]

ayo this was bangin it was hot im really feeling it keep up what you doin keep dropin

[ELEETE]

Hmm...this wasnt a bad piece at all...you had a good concept but i felt where this lacked was that it seemed almost like it was being talked not spit...for a poem this would be good...I also could have a better ending as well...It just seemd like this was going to get deep an all of a sudden it was over...But overall this was pretty good...Nice job...

If you get a chance hit my piece up thanks ahead...
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...76#post2034276

[Foreshadow]

Thanks on the feedback.

[Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic]

Ehh I felt it was weak... Really had no meaning, the story seemed pretty forced. I mean its a piece that doesnt catch my attention and it seemed pretty shallow. The ending was alright but pretty much expected. It was alright I guess.

[Foreshadow]

How can you expect a dilivery guy to take the weed home ina dominos bag. I'm sorry but you cant expect that.

[Foreshadow]

You can make your own thread for this shit.


Took care of it.

Cool sig by the way. "Grrr" is awesome!

-Credz