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Thread: jack b nimble

  1. #1
    Newbie element's Avatar
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    jack b nimble

    jack b nimble n jack b quick/
    tell ya girl to get her deseased self off my dick/
    im only tellin u once n not twice/
    ill put 21 holes in u jus like the amount on a dice/
    leave every part in ya brain smaller than a grain of rice/
    this is rap battles dot com/
    no nigga in here should stay calm/
    let it loose/
    like ya girls cooch/
    i got 16 shots left in dis clip/
    fuk wit me n get 1 to ya head n another to ya lip/
    aint no way im satins lil helpa/
    but u see me/
    i have ya ass runnin like the dude on A.O.L./
    dont that ring a bell?/
    huh jay rell?/
    i dont kno u but hedz in here b sayin u wack/
    they say u so bad that we shud cut u some slack/
    i seen ya battles/
    but i herd they the horse n u da cattle/
    i heard vic is nice/
    my cuzzins hair so dirty/
    everything looks like lice/
    fuk wit me n ill retie ya laces/
    one punch to ya mouth n it'll fuk up ya braces/

  2. #2
    Newbie element's Avatar
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    p=2092995#post2092995post2092995

  3. #3
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Your flow needs work, lines were uneven. You had some alright punches, kinda basic. Work on them, but definitely keep them in there, it can really bring up a piece. Keep writing battle type verses, and practice in front lines, and you'll elevate.

  4. #4
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    yo pretty styraight i no u n u cud do betta but overall it was ok better flo u kept stoppin what u were rhymin wit n juss quick jumpin to another verse but its straight

  5. #5
    GED tha team Lil Cap0ne's Avatar
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    it was not bad work on your flow and your structure amke lines even and just keep writng verses or battle....keep elevating

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  6. #6
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    You need to work on your vocab and structure as for evening the lines out.
    Also, it seems as if you need to make longer lines and add multi's and flow with it....Dont go overboard but i think you would get the point. Keep elevating.

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