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Thread: Letter In The Shaft

  1. #1
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    Letter In The Shaft

    To Whom May Find this body-

    I was Military Bounty Hunter, acting as a solider for the usa
    wonderin the Jungles taking over making criminals haveta pay
    Poacher for the Governer who set a shore to honorably
    Enter into ventures of a metaphoric Oddysey
    But Equador's Democracy honored religions
    That set before the Prophecy of hostle Militias
    Searchin areas with radar beams cast
    For this terrorist wearin his trademark ski mask
    Who exports various Cain portions
    To Cuban fugatives in South America's rain forrests
    The area's main courses of travel were speed boats
    we Reconed to the battle deep inside these moats
    Me and my boys deploid off ran for miles on the land
    Six rockets go off lost in rush fall down in a mine shaft
    Then they darted away, no one came to my aid
    There i layed slayed in the chest forevere would stay
    I sliced up my face even through my camoflauge
    And threw my jacket off to use as bandage gauze
    Days passed Diesese spread areas brushed off
    Feeling light headed and sore from the blood loss
    Destroying the skin through, lookin gross as it bubbled
    Missing with all the tissue and exposin the muscle
    The hunger had hit its end could hardly even talk
    It damaged my nerves till my body went in shock
    I got ahold up my body And again i was in control
    felt the lord was nobody fuck what happens to my soul
    As i die in this mine shaft alone hungry and thirsty here
    I fear nothing atlast i can go home in the sky yes its near
    So to whom may find this body and letter please tell this story
    I man without a name but let him live on in all his glory

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    that was good
    Good imagery and nice vocab

    Poacher for the Governer who set a shore to honorably
    Enter into ventures of a metaphoric Oddysey
    Nice line

    Searchin areas with radar beams cast
    For this terrorist wearin his trademark ski mask
    I liked this one probably the best

    i give this a 8/10

  4. #4
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    thanxs man bumpin dont sleep leave links ill follow

  5. #5
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    emotion was strong.. was structured nice, multis and vocab also were good.. was nice and creative, overal this was a pretty good drop, was feellin the emotion.. nice drop!

  6. #6
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    tight peace... nice flow.. vocab was perfect not to many humungous words but just enough to make the song flow.....
    nice rhyme sheme.....

    peace

  7. #7
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    thanxs

  8. #8
    Po'Ethics
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    This is a nice piece... Good vocab and story... The flow was good throughout. The only fault I can highlight is in my opinion some of the lines had shaky rhymes. This was very good but I think you've written better pieces. There isn't much for me to say here except nice work.

    If you have time check out "Blind to Reality?" in my sig... I'd appreciate it.

    Nice piece...

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  9. #9
    Threat Level Midnight Tim's Avatar
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    word man

    uppin for more crits

  10. #10
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    this can easily be done in audio, great flow man. i loved the vocab real knowledge you droppin' here

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