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Thread: 1 Verse...need feedback

  1. #1

    1 Verse...need feedback

    Im working...minimal wage fuk criminal ways/
    what I...did in them days was a pitiful phase
    but now I´ve grown up affected by maturity/
    gangs couldnt bring security now im just doin me
    tried to be sumthin i wasnt and didnt need to/
    but this is what it leads to the pain just eat you
    if I could, take it back now I probably would/
    but thats not being real its fake like Hollywood
    it got me good, redeemed me to the laws of Christ/
    but life is tempting like a whores entice
    probably couldnt afford it twice, so play it safe/
    cos your gona get judge by God or the magistrate
    but every now and than I have a little streak of crook/
    what sets me straight is when I read the book
    dont tempt me, my skills havent been forgotten/
    couldnt expire this lifestyle´s already rotten
    focus on my raps and at work I got boxes to pack/
    if I dont get put on the map it´ll be money I lack
    just be another regular guy but atleast I tried/
    to make an honest living in a world where crime gets you by
    weed gets you high roll it in the reef for relief/
    find it hard to sleep and my crime times only been brief
    but time moves on as I write new songs/
    get money by any means whose to say whose wrong?

  2. #2
    The True Psycho of RB
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    My Own Mind
    Age
    40
    Posts
    3,164
    Battle Record
    1-0
    This was a nice verse i was really feeling the concept and the story everything you said in the story was real and raw.
    The structure vocab werre fine youve got a nice flow so the rhymes sounded good.
    You had a lot of nice lines in there but this was my favourite:
    Juse be another regular guy but at least i tried/
    To make an honest living in a world where crime gets you buy
    Dope drop.

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    mill-town
    Posts
    26
    Battle Record
    0-1
    u wanna battle me

  4. #4
    ay lil rage...never battled before but been meanin to get into it so yeh aright...just let us now aright?

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    225
    Battle Record
    5-0
    The structure was good. Had some nice vocab in the verse. You put some emotion into it, felt the ideas were good. Put wordplay in there, keep that up.

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

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