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Thread: It's time....

  1. #1
    Given Light.
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    It's time....

    The earth shifts, an inclusive metamorphosis of life
    A man sees various bodies waft by, sits down, and cries
    What happened to God’s beloved land, a downfall commences
    Not enough time for proper burials, bodies brimful in ditches
    A modern day apocalypse, the immense torrent all over
    Boats shattered, from fragmentary hurricanes, an eccentric disaster
    Tornadoes and twisters ravage the land captivating those unclean
    Was it how the prophets envisaged, our world has bowed bitter, and mean.
    People run, screaming for their life and loved ones, as they did not see
    The most terrible possible scenerio, coming out at them, off screen
    Was the Media to blame, did they destroy our once clean, kind world..
    Who took all this information, this bullshit that the media hurled…
    Why would God turn his back on this most prosperous earth…
    After all it was him, the creator of all, who gave us the thirst..
    The thirst for power, our thought provoking manners in which we deal
    Countless virtues, but most of all, he gave us our heart, in which we feel.
    Our thoughtless actions based upon our conscious, but now you see
    I am writing this, from the depths of my basement, can you be…
    The one who sets gods almighty wrath upon us to make us pay
    For the dilemmas we’ve caused, and our progressed delayed
    How can you say you are not, blame it on some one else is what you’ll do
    But can’t you fucking see, we are all in one, so if one fucks up, the rest are fools…

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  2. #2
    Given Light.
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  3. #3
    Given Light.
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    Upping this thread, can I get some feedback please, all links are hit back.

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  4. #4
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    I liked the emotion in this. At the end, you put yourself in the story, which was a good touch. The verse had a deep concept supplemented with nice vocab, and descriptive. Nice drop.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=172439

  5. #5
    Given Light.
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    Thanks for the feedback, upping this thread for some more feedback. Leave links, as I hit them up.

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  6. #6
    Given Light.
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    Leave feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

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  7. #7
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    yea i thought this was pretty good, seeing how its in our topical battle lol.
    u came complex and gave out good points. some parts seemed stretched and off flow. u went detailed into this which was cool.
    peace

  8. #8
    The True Psycho of RB
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    This was dope a real nice piece.
    The structure and vocab were great the emotion you had in the rhymes was just raw and real you was saying the truth which i appreciate.
    A good verse to read i just thought you could of said a lot more on this subject probably another long verse and it could be made in2 a dope song.

    Return the favour.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=173174

  9. #9
    Given Light.
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    ^Thanks for the feedback, upping this piece, leave some critiscm please, I need to get better.

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  10. #10

    nega

    Nega; im a diobolic, alchoholic, wit brawlic, knowlege, to activate and decapitate so u have to hate, no restrictions, to my demilisions, ro put you in submission, take ya head, break ya legs, till u ake and bleed, face laced wit led, fire nations, more anialations, to spread

  11. #11
    Given Light.
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    ^um wtf.... LoL

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  12. #12
    Given Light.
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    feedback please? Leave links they get returned.

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  13. #13
    Given Light.
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    word.

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  14. #14
    Art... K9_THESHIT's Avatar
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    good shit!seems like it came from the inside...good verses to connect with.got the vocab and the structure there,the ideas of a doomed world.you communicate somethin',that's good,ya have some shit ya wanna say,not just freestyle.good work

    return the fav
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=175705
    Def Poets Society

  15. #15
    Given Light.
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    Thanks for the feed, upping this.

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