God's Diary

[Jay Walker]

Sup froggy dogg.

This shit was tight man. You always bring that tight flow to the table, and this shit was smooth as hell. Rhyme scheme, I thought, was nice. You didnt make it like a jigsaw puzzle, but you still made it dope. My favorite lines...

my sons and daughters you are not forsakened.. this i promise
these lips are honest.. my eye's in the sky as distant comets
each childs born pure.. this i give but im just the sponsor
it tears me up.. to see innocent souls turned to monsters
the peaceful entity of life.. as much as i'd like to erase her
can still be felt.. alone in the woods through mothernature
dont forget i was birthed as man.. and felt it firsthand
the sorrow in my heart.. for the pain & suffering of mankind
i never planned to disease.. abandon.. or leave a man blind
lives are lost in vein everyday.. i fear evils growing number
i supplied the world with food.. why do people go in hunger?
and to think about, all the time i put in.. isnt it great?
it took seven days to build.. milleniums to fix the mistake
washing away the sin of man.. forgiving all endless & honest
heavens gates'l flood.. as we again replentish the process
the world wasnt born of bad blood.. it developed over time
just a few kinks in the chain.. can have people going blind

...esp. at the end of this piece man, you just killed this topic. Dope shit man.

[~{ExClusive}~]

pretty good but you need to elarn how to use a syllable count cuz some rhymes seemed forced, but other then that this was fuckin hella dope all them people that think using huge ass words all the time looks dope, its not thats what you dont do you use vocab like i do, and im feeling that great imagery the rest is all dope just try using a better syllable count next time peace

RTF links in the sig pz

[Center Sight]

^^i do audio bro.. i dont use a sylabal count.. making sure every sylabal rhymes becomes formulaic.. and i dont like to seem generic, when u spittin shit out loud sylabals dont matter bro.. thats the beauty of being abstract, thanks for peepin tho

[outkastxero]

what can i say that has not been already said. this was simply amazing, and inspiring. i look forward to reading more of your stuff...

[Center Sight]

more feedback plz...

[Stat.]

Well...........this was truely a great peice.....i didnt expect it, thats probly the reason it hit so hard.......flawless structure.....the flow seemed to be really good in the begining but then it kinda slowed up, like you had more multies in the start and then you went to just a little bit of multies.........but this still hit...i loved it...great fresh concept that i havnt seen any one else do yet....that scores mad originality points, so this was an original topic and you carried out till the end....i imagin thats how things would be through gods eyes so it seemed real even though this was a roll playing topic. Dope..i might even nominate it if no one else does.....

And i would give you a link but you already hit it up....so thanx on that.. and pz

[Knoxxious]

Nice peice man, very nice. Nice wording and structure, flow was tight, vocab and rhyme scheme were good. You did a good job on this peice. Nice work. pz.

[noncentz]

definetly real work you capture the reader from the opening and beyond while most speak in one perception you seam to capture the mins state of the massess and that is that much harder to do continuosly. you remind me alot of n-demik if you get a chance try collabing with her you guys would compliment each other so well.

[Him]

This was real nice man I liked the whole concept and back meaning to this whole piece. I thought that everything turned out nice. the was good and I seemed to remain fresh and it didnt become dull in any areas but overall I like the message of this piece alot. I enjoyed it.

Thanks for the feedback.

[shameless]

i feel this deeply ... love the style it gives great insight ....keep these type of writings up

ps. i needed the critism it helps but check out the net piece and let me know what u think of that

[K9_THESHIT]

Intresting...good idea to write the piece form God's point of view.and the way he talked,really gave him human features.liked how ya imagined God's own thoughts,what he was sayn inside his own mind.vocab,structure and flow good,but the concept of the whole piece,God's thoughts as he contemplates on humanity really made this an ill drop.liked the ending,kinda simple,but with much deeper meaning then those lines:
"nd altho i understand ur barraged with evil since youre born
its still ultimately up to you.. if u wanna wear wings or horns"

Keep it up!And me an Na~Ledge wrote something concernig God.If ya have time drop a feed in Unfufilled Prophecy in my sig.really would apreciate it!Peace!

[menolin]

good piece,
ui liked the flow, imagery, multies were dope,
thought the topic was a little played myself, but you did it very well.