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Thread: Blessed Upon

  1. #16
     
    Join Date
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    Lol

    up

  2. #17
    You've Earned a Custom Title! 2_sides_of_life's Avatar
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    yea this seem like it should be in the poetry section.. i'm feelin this though, real nice imagery, good flow...


    They Reach The Spot, Feeling More Than Hot, The Push Forward
    No Ques, This Was Their Oppurtunity To Live, Not Being Awkward
    The Pipe Had Burst, The Town Without Water, The Scavengars Chance
    Grabbing as much as they can, Filling Pans And Hands, Needing To Enhance
    Sickening Thoughts As The Children Enjoyed What They Were Seeing
    Men And Women Around, Could Not Believe, Around Mixed Feelings
    Blessed By The Gods, The Historic Camp Had Been Given Water
    A Source Of Life, For Men And Women, For Sons And Daughters


    yea i was feelin this.

  3. #18
     
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    up

    leave links ill return feedback

  4. #19
    You've Earned a Custom Title! ~{ExClusive}~'s Avatar
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    damn this was really good, very good stucture nice flow, sometimes syllable counting was off and sometimes it felt like you forced emotion, but thats something i still work on, great imagery damn you remind me of myself this was very good ish here, maybe we could collab some time i need a collab wit a rb cat so holla at me anytime peace

    RTF links in the sig if you wanna see how good iam then look, check out my hooks to, speically for Karma that one had a dope hook
    pz
    ..Battles..

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  5. #20
    2012
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
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    40
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    Battle Record
    4-1
    Awards LLL HOF
    Dope Writtens Sy.

    Best shit yet, for sure.

    I liked it alot, how you built up your delievery of them being 'blessed upon'. As well as the entire first verse describing how they are suffering in a sense, then you wait til almost the end of the second verse to finally feed into the title. The amount of description in this piece is increbible. The rhyme scheme was nice, as well, too. Some parts the flow got a little choppy, but overall, it was dope. You painted an awesome picture here. Favorite lines...

    The Skin Cracks Like A Pod. Water Hungery The Sun Still Shines
    Gold Mines To The Undeveloped, The Bones Of Each Spine
    Sand Crunches Under Their Feet, Bodies De-hydrate In The Heat
    Overhead Sun Filled Sky, Around Here There Is No Street
    This Source Is Much Needed, For Each Tree A Plant Is Seeded
    They HAd Ran Out, They Begged And To The Gods They Pleaded
    Blessed By The Gods, The Historic Camp Had Been Given Water
    A Source Of Life, For Men And Women, For Sons And Daughters
    Children Danced Naked Around THe Split In THe Pipe, Wealthy Without
    The Amount Of Pain This Camp Had Suffered, From The Summers Drought
    The Gods Had Blessed Them, Gave Them The Water They Needed
    To Give Them A Miracle Water Was Needed, And In This They Had Succeeded

    ...this was just a illy piece man.

    *Awaits the next dope drop*
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  6. #21
     
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    UP

    ill return feedback

  7. #22
     
    Join Date
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    up again

  8. #23
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    this was good homie....Iliked your wordplay and ur flow is good 2....Please drop a honoest vote on a battle in my sig

    I did vote for u and gucci in that 2 0n 2

  9. #24
     
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    Again up

    I hit all links

  10. #25
     
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    up.

  11. #26
    Reinventing Illness TheReinvention's Avatar
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    Pretty nice piece there, not too bad. I like your style dawg. You need to improve on some multies, and thats about it. Your words were basic, but some were tight. Thanks for the drop. Its tight. Keep droppin bro, keep droppin and one day you will be one of the dope phenes on the site. ha ah.
    <center>

    " Reinventing Illness "

    <marquee behavior=alternate><font size=3>"Reinventing Illness"</marquee>


    "Hit Up Sum Votes"


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  12. #27
     
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    word to the up

  13. #28
     
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    A lil more Feed?

  14. #29
    Newbie Di G's Avatar
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    yo tis piece was deep could feel ur emotinon wit tha topic u did u did better ten i couldve dun wit it give ya props 4 tat tha part i liked was

    Word Of Mouth Lets Them Know, Its Time To Go, One Opportunity
    Together They Rush Forward As One, Standing As A Community
    Tin Mugs, Copper Pans, Using Anything They Can They Grab For It
    Desperate Hands, Just Grab As Much As They Can, Minds Split
    aka Acidic


    old record
    67-23-45

    new record
    0-0-0

  15. #30
    mainevent
    Guest
    yo hot shit bra had me readin keep it it up yo

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