Dark Feelings

[Jay Walker]

Dark Feelings
Adrenaline flushed as my body began to rush
It was a feeling of such that it demanded a touch
It was a bandit of love, except it wasn’t a thug
& the way that it bugged, you’d of thought it’s a drug
Which it was, to a sense, sending bliss so immense
It’s like a kiss that emits, defending kids from the pits
So as the skin sends imprints, I commend it again
As I reach with my limbs, ‘n pretend we’re just friends
I get grins outta joy, as I blush outta coy,
My nerves so on edge, you’d think I’s annoyed
Anyway, lust hits as a sickness starts to lift
As heart beat’s start to skip, this consist of a lovely mist

Feelings mixed as bodies began to twist
Sexual sensations got amazingly intense
Light white candles so dense were lit at the wick
As I handled her hips and she kissed at my lips
She fondled my ribs while I tickled her tits
Yet, there was more to the grips as the quick feels persist
We just couldn’t resist, fuck defending against
The emotions for motions to rub every inch
Plus a sensual scent drifted through the air
As I moved her hair, we were nude in the bare
Just losing our cares, being each others remedy
Fuck the sex ‘n fuck the rest, our love was infinity

I wasn’t a virgin, but she was my first
And now the cold in my soul turns ‘n it burns
We weren’t concerned with the race, or how quick we would finish
Because we had a love, and it would never diminish
So each sentence I condition a mission for listeners
To hear an experience, and wish it’s yours
Or maybe close your eyes and envision my lines
Because this time when I write, I’ve got a wonderful vibe
I was high off of life, as I lie by my wife
And reminisce my first experience with my rhymes
This interracial relationship had my hurt heart peeling
It was love at first touch, with my first dark feeling


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...436#post2411436
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...448#post2411448

[Chronic Cancer]

good shit mayne........i like this........it comes over pretty well to me......striaght up.......good vocab.......good multi's........good shit overall.....keep ya shit up.......

peep my shit ....

"The Gardner"
AND
"State Of The Union"

[Jawn Raw]

your stucture is decent pretty good actually. nice flow i seen a few multiples some pretty good vocabulary and you had a very good imagery. overall i think this was a good peice i rate it an (B)

rtf in my OM's links in the sig

[Jay Walker]

Thanks. Up.

[..Vendetta..]

Aiight Piece Man You Had Some Good Vocab Here We Should Collab Sometime Good Structure Man Keep it Up

[Jay Walker]

Thanks. Up.

[CrazyCarl]

I like the way you took the topic. The vocab and description helped the imagery. The rhyme scheme was good, kept the lines flowing, and added complexity. The opening was nice to bring the reader right into the action. The content in the middle served to develop the story, giving more strength to the ending.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=192481

[Jay Walker]

Thanks, dude. Up.

[Jay Walker]

Stop downing this.

[ExDaGawd]

This was a pretty cool peace, But some parts were really forced.

[All Costs]

liked the vocab and multies. It made it flow nicely threwout the whole piece. Seemed like you got off topic here and there, but for the most part you tackled the subject well.

Best bar:

Just losing our cares, being each others remedy
Fuck the sex ‘n fuck the rest, our love was infinity
^^very nice

you didn't get too complex with meta's or wordplay, but here it wasn't needed.

Goods stuff.

[Julius Caesar]

Ha nice.


I like the first part, it was nice good imaginary. I sense the emotion in this verse, which was also nice. The flow was decent. The rhyme scheme was tight. The vocab needs to be upp a little.

But overall Nice verse.