Gods Day Off.

[nolonger]

Gods Day Off.

The sole never at rest..
..control forever possessed, the mossier of earths desire
Suffering failure to retire, acquiring this circuit without a wire
No being higher, believed or doubted you still sprouted the rumor
With hesitation to buy into something, you can still be a consumer
Like a tumor that spread, religion envisioned a beholding figure
With negative thoughts pushed back we were left unfolding vigor
The bigger majority clutched onto a possession that kept them warm
God finally tested the people and rested..
..would there lust invested be transformed or gone?
So onto dawn, and with a yawn the local vicar starts his day
Resting his head on the bible, but feeling lonely as he began to pray
Slightly betrayed, left in the shade, it takes two to form trust
But with God vanished, how can these two catalyst combust?
So in disgust, the vicar raised his figure only wearing a frown
With no one to look up at, his head was now positioned down
Renown still having dedication under these circumstances
His destination, a families location..
..whereby creation had him delivering one of God’s branches
The mother intense with pain, feeling strain and started to shiver
The gift of life disabled, as there was no God waiting to deliver
A river of cool blood overpowered and showered the vicars hands
With holiness out, they can only experienced an in holy circumstance
He stands back, heart soldering, holding this brain dead martyr
The baby symbolizing life is not granted without the heavenly farther
He tries to calm her, but her loses makes her far from sedate
Feeling irate from her state..
..with no God to finish her and open heavens gate
She’s forced to wait, her body is dead but her mind is alive
Losing a cup full of blood for every tear her husband cries
The vicar disguised his emotion, due to promotion being a craze
His devotion to God made him flea the situation in amaze
Dazed as he undressed his cross around his neck in protest
He wanted answers as he plummeted the chain into his chest
Struggling for breath, but not dying thinking religion is treason
So next time God messes with a life, remember it’s for a reason.

#1.
#2.

[Violent.]

Dope Peice.


Multies were dope and made the whole peice flow well. I liked the twist at the end, where the vicar kills himself. A dope storyline with a nice complex view on the topic.
Not much else i can say, Just dope

[Chris Black]

I just came here to say, you're a flaming homosexual and your pieces are booty.

[nolonger]

thanks in,and w1cked you broke me in luv

[Aines]

another dope piece my man.
Structure was good all the way through
multies come from here there and everywhere lol
like IN said i liked the twist you input.
your last two lines were dope though for me

overall another great piece by you not much more i can say except keep writing and teach me how 2 write like that

[nolonger]

.....bounce yo

[nolonger]

up.

[nolonger]

hmmm.

[nolonger]

eh yo.

[M Pulsive]

Nice poetry there...I like ur wordplay the most. U had some stretched lines but other than that it was tight. Kinda of depressing though about all that stuff, laying head alone on the bible caz Gods not there. But good drop

[warchild]

This was a good verse, your vocab and imagery really stood out to me it was raw the concept was original so it was a nice read.
Your vocab and imagery were great your structure was fine the only thing i wasnt feeling was the flow, the only line that really had a nice flow was this one:
Like a tumour that spread, religion envisioned a beholding figure
With negative thoughts pushed back we were left unfolding vigor
That line had a nice flow the rest of the lines had a basic flow but like i said your vocab and imagery make your verses dope and you write original shit which is rare.

Return the favour:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=193694

[nolonger]

thanks man....HW MOTHER FUCKERS.