15-20lines
Topic: A coma.
Due by midnight, need more time say so.
Good luck
Skitzo
:Harm:
15-20lines
Topic: A coma.
Due by midnight, need more time say so.
Good luck
Check in.
check in............................................
change of plans drop date in 3 days
^ Take your time, Im droppin now.
Topic: a coma.
I wanted a better-life, not for me but for the child and wife..The Family of mine.
‘Put the money in the bag!’ Turned and ran..now a bullets lodged in my spine.
Enough-said.. I been dead. 12 years, I’ve slept through the millennium
My-wife and my-kid…only age-10 imagine the impact it had on them.
I loved her…with everything in-me. She’s the reason that I woke-up.
And my son, the apple, no…the tree, But I never got see it grow-up.
Unlike me, the world continued functioning, time never ceases to be.
Grew old, she lost hope, feels like treason. Her reason for leaving me.
22 years now a rebellious stranger grew up without a father’s guidance.
Lost faith in me, god, and himself turning to hoe’s, drugs, and violence
Theres a rage inside, unsettled pain I need to drain and let this hate-out.
Swallow pride get up make it right, but I’m crippled from the face-down.
I would give my life to fix his, Id trade my soul for his high school diploma.
Regret my entire existence..Theres only one thing worse than death…A coma.
In A Coma
1,000 gun shots shot all over like a water sprayed by sprinklers
One cracks my skull open…falling…now thinking of her
The apple in my eye, the light in my life
Afraid I might never see her again my future to be wife
*Eyes closed shut* mind fading away by the second
Thinking how my life was, made the downfalls so hectic
Things you think when ya mind flows freely is frightenin
Ages 1 through 20 through the years I was fighting-them
The nightmares I see now dead asleep on the hospital bed
Covered in the hospital sheets I hear the voice of a man saying I might be dead
The feeling of my fiancé holding my hand, tears dropping making the sheets soaking wet
Holding for my dear life like a ticking time bomb I’m a end it before it’s set
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and I soon start to regain consciousness
Slowly trying to get up, slowly trying to get out of this
I see my fiancé and see her tearing with a smile on her face so I give her a hug
I smile back and tell her that know one or nothing will ever separate us
In a coma is just a preview of Judgment day in hell
Suffering with pain is what in a coma I felt
But never again will I sleep the eternal sleep for just a minute more
Later on in time when time is right will I spread my wings and soar
The space in the verse is a key mistake don't pay attention to it
upppin #1
QUICK REPLY DONT WORK.....
this was a pretty good topical from both sides, harm.
i feel if you added them extra, 5 lines, you prolly woulda gotten my vote, b/c it seemed as if you didnt give me enough in your verse... lol, but you had good metas, and vocab, but a few lines seemd like you forced them in, but it was iight we all make that mistake.... pretty good emotion to your verse, but felt you coulda added more of an imagery where your words woulda made more of an impact, but good shit homie, keep droppn
skitzo, good shit homie, liked your verse good imagery, and structure...
had pretty good flow overall, and vocab was nice, also, had a few lines that seemed a BIT forced buit overall, it came through, and made your point homie, good shit, would like to see more topicals from you... keep droppn........ you get my vote, for giving that extra 5 lines, and just overall imagery had my attention, if you could get my attention, then it is a pretty good topical.. pz
vote/------ skitzo
Reason already explained. pz.....
check out my open battle drop feedback and links and dont forget to poll ya votes, all favors will be returned. pz
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uppin for sum votes uppin #3..................................
uppin for sum votes uppin #3....................................
This was a good battle between the both of u.Harm-I wasnt really feeling ur side of the topic nice structure and stuff but very creative.Skitzo-As usual u came with some good shit very nice structure and i was really feeling ur side of the story better.
V/Skitzo
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Owned.
This was a close battle and the topic was interestin.Harm'joint I was feelin them his wordplay and shit and his structure was good and I liked the way the story line was set up.Skitzo's joint samething the wordplay was feelin them the structure and the way the story line was set up.But the end won it for Skitzo cause to me it was more deep.Harm would have gotten my vote if it wasn't for skizo's ending.
V/skitzo
Nice verse for both of you.
Harm: I liked your verse...I was really feeling it and everything. But why...why oh why did u make it soo short? Adding some more lines wouldnt hurt...more lines is good. Your vocabulary was good..and metaphors were okayish also. The imagery..I think it wasnt that great or anything, I mean some things seemed a little basic and what not. Wordplay was also good too and the sticking to the topic
Skitzo: Well done. I really like your verse...which i felt more. It was longer and i enjoyed reading it more. I think yours was more creative and the imagery was nicer in it. Your vocabulary, structure...flow...worldplay...it was all goood. Your lines werent 'as' forced as harms but some were. Good job and nice verse...
v/Skitzo
uppin #4 ...........................
p.s use the post button to reply
that was a sick battle....i like d both but skitzo seemed to have just a little bit more to it....dont know i just liked his more...it appealled to me more...
v/ skitzo
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