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Thread: SS No Show: A Tale to Shipman.

  1. #1
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    SS No Show: A Tale to Shipman.

    Guilty,
    on all charges, the party has decided..
    that a cell, is where this old man will reside in.
    For over 30 years he injected his patients,
    w/ lethal substances that were illegal & ancient.
    Testing the victims, families paitience, so to..
    be killed by your carer is tragedy in its own right, true?
    It was mainly pensioners and the helpless that,
    were so called "put out of their misery". But back..
    when people had faith in him, he took advantage!
    Pursuing a killing spree that was useless & candid.
    I read it.. the newspaper that is. & I found..
    out that more bodies were being exumed from the ground.
    Its so sickening to think, that maybe one..
    of my family members was included in Shipmans log.
    A tired wake thats gone, this man commited purgery,
    among the courts and denied killing in his surgery.
    The rage emerged into fury, I haven't felt hate..
    for a man I never met.. but I couldn't wait,
    for him to be castrated in prison. I have a vile vision,
    of him being raped & totured. Pestered for his wealth,
    but the next day I read on the news..
    .. the bastard had gone and hung himself.
    Justice hasn't been served, the murderer took..
    the easy way out by becoming a statistic in a book.

    The guards should have been watching him & its sad. .
    . .as this was the only fucking chance,
    for him to experince some of the pain his victims had.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  2. #2
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...90#post2490990
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...19#post2491019

    Leave links to your pieces & I'll be sure to check them out
    if you have left decent feedback on this.
    Last edited by B.I.Detained.; May 30th, 2005 at 11:50 AM
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  3. #3
    The King
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    Damn.
    Wow.
    LOL...
    Strong shit right here.
    Emotion was your strongest point, hands down.
    Made me feel like you were really angry, which you coulda been for all I know.
    Made me feel like the murderer made me angry also.
    Yeah, emotion was best.
    Saw some glmpses of multis in creative rhymescheme, nice.
    Overall, pretty good job.
    Next time I would focus on adding some more complex vocabulary.
    Wrecks.

  4. #4
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    . .
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  5. #5
    Po'Ethics
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    Nice piece... Sorry I was slow with the feedback. This was a very relevant topic to todays' society, you wrote well with it. I think what hit me was the fact that what you were writing about affects all of us... Was like you were thinking and speaking for a lot of people. The imagery... Story-telling... Vocabulary... in combination with your writing style made a very nice piece. I felt that some parts were slightly inconsistant... However, this was a very good piece.

    Nice work...

    Peace
    Po'Ethics Lives

  6. #6
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    The beginning got me interested, and the story built up nicely. Giving the background helped to get the emotion across at the end. I enjoyed the storyline, and how the events were formatted. You lead the story up to the climax, and ended with falling action, bringing in a nice concept.
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=197130

  7. #7
    ..in chains? Naw!
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    I'm sorry but you didn't read the piece at all.
    I hate people who just don't mention a thing about the piece.
    Your link will NOT be hit up.
    ArtificialIntelligence
    Sacred Scriptures Champ: 2006.....Brixton

  8. #8
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    This was cool. Rhymscheme at the begining could have been better. Flow wasn't the best I've see from you, but this was still a nice little piece. Emotion was cool, but I had no clue who the character was, you were talking about. Keep writing, homie.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  9. #9
    Dune Methane CrazyCarl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KareLess
    I'm sorry but you didn't read the piece at all.
    I hate people who just don't mention a thing about the piece.
    Your link will NOT be hit up.
    I did read it, I guess I was more focused on the end...taking the hanging as the climax, and that justice wasn't exacted as the concept, included in the falling action.

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