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Thread: Heavenly Sins

  1. #1
    2012
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    Heavenly Sins

    December 25th, 6:53am, Memphis, Tennessee...
    Christmas, today, won’t be as pleasant for one family residing in Memphis Tennessee. Christie Boyle, a local celebrity, was found dead, brutally raped, approximately at 6:53, in a near by park. Her husband, Dwayne, reported she went out late last night in hopes of retrieving a last second Christmas present, for their 5 year old daughter.

    “I can’t believe she’s really gone...” distraught from the news, implied her husband. “ I loved her so much...”

    Investigators currently have a lead, but aren’t releasing any further information, at this time.

    I aint gonna bluff, home life was rough
    As a youth on the block, I was known as a scruff
    I never had much, so I’d try ‘n endeavor better
    My father was dead, ‘n my mother... never met her
    Grew old by my grandparents, but they never approved my life
    Livin’ on a curb with birds... thought I was a fool to Christ
    It was brutal inside, nothing was holy, ‘n now I need rest,
    Cause one day, I swung with a teacher, only it wasn’t recess
    A misplaced mentality left caged to damn me
    I was expelled from school, ‘n disgraced my family
    Ignored for weeks, I seeked a resolution
    To straighten out my life, with a needed evolution
    So I stopped the using, and started using the constitution
    In hopes of helping sisters, being abused with prostitution
    Or sisters and brothers, who met death before their day
    From a rage of hate, contained with drifters sworn to gangs

    School wasn’t a question, but I was as smart as he ‘n she
    So now that I’ve learned my lesson, I’d take part in a GED

    Things weren’t easy, but I knew anything was capable
    I felt so powerful; ya couldn’t do anything to break a fool
    Years had passed, ‘n the tears were vast, ‘n hourly
    But I cleared the class, in a gear at last, some salary
    Contending ya rights, I defended ya fights,
    ‘N studying cases, is where I spent my nights

    *Ring, ring*
    The evening was bringing the fate of my future
    When I received a ring from a rapist/abuser
    “You heard the news, sir? I’m innocent, I promise
    Honest, and when it comes to cases, you’ve never lost it
    ‘N I’d be honored, for you to take my plea
    Prove my points to the Jury, ‘n make ‘em see
    I’m innocent, not guilty... I’d never kill
    Women are beautiful, and that’s just keepin it real”
    I interrupted him hear, clearly, he seemed sincere
    It’d be open ‘n close, so I’d have nothing to fear
    “I’ll take your case, but don’t disgrace me
    Or I’ll make sure you’re suffering in a cage, see”

    Since facts lacked, he couldn’t be prosecuted
    Another win for the record, drop the music
    That night, we celebrated, an innocent man was free
    But that’s just what I though, the truth, I hadn’t seen

    A year had passed, this year Christmas was lonely
    But the truth came clear, in a journal he was holding
    What arose was some hate, he left his home in a rage
    Dr. Dwayne proclaimed his pain, as he drove through the rain
    He found out his wife was cheating, surprised that his dreaming
    Wasn’t a false reality... it held an actual meaning
    So he stopped on his block, went to the door, ‘n knocked
    He killed an innocent rapist, or so we had thought

    The police arrived, surprised, understanding the situation
    But quickly became shocked, to uncover the shit their facin
    Fifty bodies were found, raped ‘n buried
    A heavenly sin contended a page to carry
    A man named Willard, with obsessions to feel her
    Had been saved from a life behind bars, uncovered to be a killer
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  2. #2
    2012
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    I'm tired... I'll have links by tomorrow, I promise.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post2550453
    http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=199424

    nother coming.
    Last edited by Jay Walker; June 13th, 2005 at 07:39 AM
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  3. #3
    2012
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    Remind me never to post inside here again...

    *smh*
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    the fuck @ this getting slept on.

    this was a nice piece for a beginner.

    Alot better than my first attempt.

    Alright, you could use a better rhyme scheme.....And maybe more complex vocab, but i told you how to improve that. The story line was good.....beggining storyline was a nice add......hmmm, your structure could use a fix up, but its not that much needed, just keep @ it Jay, and youll improve....jeez you should've seen my first OM.

    keep at it jay. Peace

  5. #5
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    That other link had better be coming today.
    ...

  6. #6

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    word at k0st for a beginer this wasnt
    bad at all man. i still feel youre on that
    battle kinda set up due to lack of vocab
    and minamal rhyme schemes but the content
    was very nice man also your flow was flawless
    the topic was nice and overall a decent piece man
    if you need some help hit me on aim cuase id like to
    see you in ss next season i think you would be a nice
    topical head if you focused on it keep at it man and aim me

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  7. #7
    2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jekyll
    That other link had better be coming today.


    sorry. forgot to link them. replied to two of kost. i'll go find one. (leave feed)


    kost, k, thanks alot, appreciate it.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  8. #8
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    good topic, nice and original. the vocab and imagery you used were good for the most part:

    “I’ll take your case, but don’t disgrace me
    Or I’ll make sure you’re suffering in a cage, see”

    ^^fell off at that particulary moment though. the multi's were consistent and helped the flow, which was good anyway. like i said, a great topic and you kept the pace of the story moving and added some good twists which kept me reading. good work.

    keep posting, fuck the sleepers! Btw, could you check out my piece "shadowboxing" i need some feedback.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
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  9. #9
    You've Earned a Custom Title! vice_versa's Avatar
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    this was pretty good, i actually wanted to finish reading it even though it was long....
    I like the story and the flow pretty much goes with it...helps a lot

    “I’ll take your case, but don’t disgrace me
    Or I’ll make sure you’re suffering in a cage, see”

    i feel the same way about this part here...thats where you fell off...nice though other then that....keep it up

    check out my OM "love...the birth of a legend"

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