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Thread: The Hate Of Herbs (Repin Ground Zero)

  1. #1
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    The Hate Of Herbs (Repin Ground Zero)

    Aight heres a lil song i made for all of us who r sick of dum fucks talking shit and pointing out the obvious (mostly herbs)

    Yo I see niggas always talking shit and pointing out the obvious
    They think they are the dopest and realest on rb, they are shit lyricist
    People who talk to much piss me off cause they neva show their skill
    Sit there talk shit pop some pills, cut ur wrists and let ur blood spill
    Commit suicide thats the only way u niggas will be on top or close to ill
    Everywhere I go I see the same shit over and over, niggas losing battles
    Blaming there unsuccessful battle on hate votes, go play wid ur rattles
    Herbs these days over run all and try to take over the dominant but can't
    Fuck go work in a assembly plant, go rave and rant, for u no one will chant
    People who bitch because they lost is just a herb who deserves no respect
    Ground Zero will send ur herb ass to a lose, then we be charged for neglect
    Disrespect us and u'll be feeling a side effect from the verbal attack we let go
    U be going out black and blue cuase u were a herb, we're the realest fo sho
    We treat everyone impropa by pulling out a knife, sticking it in the imposta
    We destroy all who stand in our way u'll get run over, u'll get clapped
    We come strapped and ready for action, herbs be ducking or get slapped
    Ground Zero will neva be dead until rb is discontinued or till we die
    We are the lyrical high, stop us (LOL) come try, get ready to cry...bye bye

    LOL got bored so something to do....
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  2. #2
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  3. #3
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    hmm stucture wasn't to bad the thing is that i dont like you write some random lines find a topic and write to it. complexity could be upped but its not bad the outter rhyme scheme was pretty good. but i just wasn't feeling it cuz you just to random and the imagery gets lost. keep trying really im serious now find a topic and write to it. but overall i'd have to rate this a D

    rtf links in the sig.

  4. #4
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    lol ya it wanders off i agree had a bunch of mental blocks but i'll put somethign better later...
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  5. #5
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    Nigga to be Honest dat shit was pretty wack...Jus Straight up...Not Hatin....none of your shit even Ryhmed....Jus Random sentences....more of a Speech or something....
    Had no Flow to it, Caus none of it connected...But just find out ways ta ryhme your material......

    5/10

    NEED TO ACTUALLY RYHME

  6. #6
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    uhhh ok if ur not illiterate u would know it rhymed but i geuss some words that an infant doesnt know are a little to complex for u...
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  7. #7
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    man,what are you talkin about,all of his lines rhymed... did you even read the drop... or you just tryin to get feed for your links.. you should take ya time and really tell him what you really think not sum bull crap...

    anywayz......the rhymez were simple sum were good but mostly simple.. the flow was good which made it easier for me to read.. sum lines werent structured even but as long as it flows i aint gon say shit ... but this was good.. i enjoyed reading this and i hope to see a future drop from you.. good job have a good day

  8. #8
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    This is very weak, not only in rhyme scheme but in every other aspect of writting. Diction was horrible, although you tried to incorperate some assonance by placing multiple rhymes ina line, those schemes you choose to run with were basic and very predictable. The read had a studdered feel to it, your writters vioce was never apperant and overall blan. I mean I'm all for long lines with higher sylable counts, but you just did not pull this off by any measure. You conventional aa bb type scheme made this read even less interesting than your word choice. Change things up, learn to use transitional schemes, somthing that changes, and can not be predictied two lines ahead. Add some complexity in your drop, improve your vocab and use of mulites, because your were just sprinkeld about with no stratigy or logic to it what so ever. Like picking up some random hickory dickory dock type shit, man, we strive for more in OM. Please work on elevation...
    Last edited by Bounce; June 17th, 2005 at 09:34 PM

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  9. #9
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DVSMIND
    yeah i kinda cant see where it did not rhyme HERB.......lol even with the name they still try to rate shyt how funny
    lol serious they just don't get it...

    So to all HERBS mayb u'll get this = Fuck you
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  10. #10
    Green Hour Madness Bounce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -=Illest Skill=-
    lol serious they just don't get it...

    So to all HERBS mayb u'll get this = Fuck you

    Just curious, you in any way aiming that comment towards me?

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  11. #11
    -=Illest Skill=- Vicious Breed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bouncedoggydogg
    Just curious, you in any way aiming that comment towards me?
    no it was aimed towards phourz u gave good feedback which actually helps me out ..... sorry that u thought it was tho didnt know u dropped feed when i said that...
    Let The Pen Bleed So My Wrists Don't
    Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist


  12. #12
    Samantha
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    This was something that you could of deffinately improved on before posting it in OM. I could see what you were aiming for when you wrote this, but you kind of jumped around in your verse. Some lines seemed a little misplaced and were kind of weak. Others were pretty basic, your rhyme scheme was okay though. You could of reworded some lines, added a better vocabulary to this and just with that, you would of seen more of an improvement. You made a certain topic to write about and you didn't stick it as good as you could of. There's some elevation needed and with more practice and writing, this verse could of came out a lot better, and the same with any future writings.
    "Fighting is half the battle and the stength comes from the struggle"

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