Rhyme Of Rebellion

[the_madhatter]

Above ground, is the story of a world gone ballistic
Capturin the broken memories, history's prolific
Picture this, me runnin' from the gunmen
Layered in blue uniforms, nothin' is in the norm
Catch the spectacle sittin' right in front of your eyes
Watch it all go awry, it's a curse in a disguise
People may believe that I deserve to be deceived
Killin' in the name of those who choose to be sane
Refuse to be the prey of the vulture, "anti-culture"
Stand calm as a bomb, ready to explode and puncture
The evil, wicked, they jail and bury those committed
I rather be shoved into poverty than in a prison
No longer will I be victim to the backlash
Verbal anarchy is unleashed as my tonguelash
Like Rakim, I spit on the mic and I'm a fiend
Rebellion: Black's rage against the machine
Evil empires crusade, ride the bulls on parade
Preparin to gore for more bloodshed spread
Quiet riots rage, never let your demons be boisterous
'Cause like track nine, I am now the voice of the voiceless

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=162031

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203066

[EyeBite]

well well well......... the vocab here was really great... and complex........i ehjoyed reading this..... the rhyme scheme was really good... the flowwas pretty good... needs a lil bit more improvment..... the strucutre was ok... also needs a lil bit of practice....good job... keep it up.... overall 7.5/10.....keep practicing, elevating, and improving... you'll get better... have a good day

[sILLable]

not bad....i thought some of it sounded kinda forced...your multis were aiight....some of your rhyme scheme was fucked up and your structure was off a little...it was too short...and you lacked complexity...although other than that this piece was aiight.keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[the_madhatter]

Thanks for the feed.

[Dan Dare]

You didn't leave any feed in that second link. Fix it or this gets closed.

[the_madhatter]

It kept erasing my post in the link for some reason, so I just replied in another verse. Here it is.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...59#post2612759

[Sammy B]

Good drop the topic kept me interested, but it was a little hard to read. Their wasn't much emotion or complexity in any of the lines, but vocab was good. Also rhyme scheme could have been better, thats what really hurt the flow of this piece. I liked the topic man you just need to work on a few things, good piece.

Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=203066

[Kanada]

i enjoyes reading this!..............this vocab wuz great and complex.............................there wuz good flow...............nice structure......multis were good.............................................. ...........there were sum downfalls but not many good job on this rap keep it up.....................keep uppin on this and keep workin u could b a great rapper if u tried hard at it.....


~Kanada~