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Thread: Love and Lust

  1. July 11th, 2005, 11:54 PM #1
    CrazyCarl
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    Love and Lust

    An amazing attraction, I feel it will never end
    No satisfaction comes from simply time spent
    Through action...to my needs I finally attend
    But there's a slight distraction I must contend
    The girl who got my reaction belongs to a friend
    Rejecting all the years of support and counsel
    This girl has caused me no short of intense thrill
    Thought I could thwart the lust but its immense still
    This passion will introduce other harmful feelings
    The act to seduce has in myself been revealing
    I am forced to weigh infatuation and friendship
    For me to end this, it all depend which...
    Bond I wish to sever, I feel only one can survive
    One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived
    Above all inborn morals did my hormonal drive thrive
    I did not fully realize, what I had in fact created
    "In our minds, love and lust are really separated"

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210274
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210165
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  2. July 12th, 2005, 01:06 PM #2
    CrazyCarl
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  3. July 12th, 2005, 01:29 PM #3
    YoungHusla
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    I liked it alot man, your wordplay was nice and the whole plot/story was really creative. Keep dropping man.
    Hadez Paragon


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  4. July 12th, 2005, 04:59 PM #4
    Negligence
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    Same here, I thought this was tight. The flow is what really gets me goin, and u had it. I liked the wordplay. Nice job Carl.
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  5. July 13th, 2005, 05:12 PM #5
    CrazyCarl
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    bump
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  6. July 13th, 2005, 05:17 PM #6
    The Vendetta
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    Aiight Man Decet Piece Here, Should Of Bin Longer But Okay, Your Structure Was Decent Man Wordplay Here Okay Imagery Was Aiight Sotry Line Not Here, Emotion Very Good Here Vocabulary Came Very Strong Man I Look Forward To Collabing With You In The Future, Very Good Piece I Loved It Man, Check Out My Shits It's Coming In A Minute
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  7. July 14th, 2005, 02:54 AM #7
    Jawn Raw
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    i feel as if your rusty cause really i havent seen much from you latly, the part about it being short is somin i aint feelin cuz i really think your a good writer and can go longer but somin you really could look out for next time you write somin use multiples and work on your rhyme scheme more, overall this wasn't to bad it had some nice vocabulary good stucture nice imagery good emotion it was all consistant and it was very like able, the main thing is i was feelin it. good job

    rtf i got a new om Confessions peep it please

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  8. July 14th, 2005, 12:55 PM #8
    warchild
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    This was a decent piece ive read better verses from you though.
    The vocab and imagery was good but the piece wasnt too strong on flow.
    The only couplet that had a nice flow was:
    This girl has caused me no short of intense thrill
    Thoughti could thwart the lust but its immense still

    If you could do all your couplets like that or add in some more multies your piece would be much better.
    I enjoyed this piece cause it was different but i just wasnt feeling the flow, the rest of it wasnt bad.

    Reply to my thread:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210894
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  9. July 14th, 2005, 05:09 PM #9
    MonStar
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    Not a bad drop...Flow wasn't bad but could have been better...Structure was pretty good...Vocab was nice...Content was good...I felt the emotion and the moral dilemma you presented...

    Bond I wish to sever, I feel only one can survive
    One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived

    That line stuck out to me and really summed up the whole situation...Overall it was a pretty good drop...I would have liked to see a stronger flow with some more multis but other than that, it was a good drop...


    If you could, please return the favor...
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...61#post2717961
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  10. July 14th, 2005, 05:28 PM #10
    Endeva.
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    i thought for how short it was you got the story through well, it wasnt the most gripping piece, but it flowed decenly, quite simple but easy to follow, all in all not a bad read,
    [youtube]99ns8n2S40g[/youtube]
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  11. July 14th, 2005, 07:34 PM #11
    Tha Reason
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    i understand what u mean by simply vocab mine was to simple could u pm me wit some tips on how to make my vocab mo complex
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  12. July 16th, 2005, 05:16 AM #12
    Eclipse
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    I realy liked the creativity in this. There was great use of vocabulary, and imagery used to its best IMO, a very good topic to choose and I enjoyed reading it. Also great multies

    E's Best Bit: One I've kept forever, or the other that's just arrived
    Above all inborn morals did my hormonal drive thrive

    E's Rating: 8/10
    By the way I am intermental and present in RV and this is posted there IN RV...I have jus forgotten my password for RB for my Intermental name...


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  13. July 16th, 2005, 05:20 AM #13
    Mimesis.
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    yo, get back into mt foo. we bringin it back.

    get up in that nah sayen?

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  14. July 16th, 2005, 09:06 AM #14
    EyeBite
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    iight.........this could have been longer,but w/e.....the word play in this was creatuve and i liked the rhymes a lot....the topic was nice...i enjoyed reading this cuz it had a great flow and the strcture was even makin it easier for me to read....great job! and keep it up
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  15. July 16th, 2005, 12:50 PM #15
    sILLable
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    i liked this piece...ill vocab..your structure was fine of course..i liked your rhyme scheme and tha story...it was a little short,it flowed well and it was original....had some complexity to it...wordplay was average...ill piece never the less.keep droppin tha hottness...my piece is in my sig.~1~


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