Adult Abuse

[rile1]

Adult Abuse
man I was born in '92..crachheads smoked and my dad did too
at 3 I didnt know wut I was supposed to do, so my dad came through
my door and actually slapped me in my head, and then he said
" Hey you know that thing u read?You ever read it again,your dead!"
eyes are red from all the stupid tears that I want to hold back
so that I can be strong and never again read a playboy stack
ill settle the fact, my dad actually did like drinking alcohol
so my emotions run up a wall, and I try to get yours out of ya'll
turned 5, and the kids in kindergarten called me a mut
and I would have faught back against that bully in 3rd grade, but
my dad was way past a nut, so then he settled it like an army
" Look dad im sorry! So theres really no reason to harm me!!"
"hah! charming" he hit me more than went for a steel- toe shoe
but I ran in to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and said, " I'll cut you!"
"What?" he dropped tha shoe, he valued life, " I love u dude"
"yeah right if you did you wouldnt at all ever beat me!!" I was mad
he went to grab.................... so then I stabbed and I stabbed
his blood was past rad, and really seein it made me glad
The Cops!His Friend Chad! worried I hid the body in the shed we had
I went in the house after, man I was never sadder
they'll put me on the adoption ladder, and then ill get beat badder
" No kid, jsut sit back put ya head and back against tha kitchen wall
cuz I mean after you get all this blood off ya you can play football"
" man who the hell are u leave me alone u half assed demon"
"bitch im ya dad's soul derived from your gramps semon"
" Well then wut do u want to get even? cuz a casket is enticin to leave in"
"Nah u stupid idiot im here to haunt u."
"Well damn guy kill me already theres no real reason to flaunt dude"
" Gosh ask ya aunt, I killed her already so now its payday."
"dude get the hecka outta my head before I scream mayday!!"
" haha omg kid you sound way gay." "No wait a minute, hey...
Ill grab the knife and slit my throat and just let these words fade away....

[rile1]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211002
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211909

[David Lama]

flow was shaky, trasitions needed work, could have used more multis. the convos in this werent too great but it was aight for what it is, the topic isnt original and you didnt really have much of a twist in it, I mean I expected the whole killing yourself at the end thing when it comes to child abuse. your wording needs some help, use a better vocab, and well keep at it, it was aight. oh yea and dont ever use "OMG" in a piece, it fucks the flow up.

return the favor, hit this up for me
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=210735

[The NerveCalmer]

shit dog... that was emotional.... had some multi's, and good vocab, you did good on this peice, you stayed on topic the whole time, good job, you didnt relaly do anything that u need to work on, so keep it up and leave feed on mine http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=211777

[blkvixon]

i like they was you tapped into another place .. a place with ya pops bugging the hell out. I like what you put down. I have read a couple of the other replies and one i think said that the flow was shaky,, but my thing is.. Maybe you wanted it alittle shaky and weird,, because that is how the character in the piece felt around the dad.. big ups

[rile1]

^ word thats how I wanted it for reals
thanks so far so lemme hear more...also im not much of a topical guy lol

[rile1]

upppppppppppppppppiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnggggggggg

[Sinicide]

This was crazy.. Aside from some structure issues, in my eyes the content made up for it.. Ya create an atmosphere, I can really picture all that shit wit ya pops.. And who can't relate to dippin in their dad's Playboy stack as a kid? This brings me back.. lol ..It may just be me.. but the rythym kinda trails off near the middle.. But reading thru previous posts bout the shakiness and whatnot.. Im def feelin that vibe.. This makes an excellent spoken word piece.. It sounds good when you read it out loud..
Cant wait for more

[rile1]

yeah I did sorta notice the mess up in the middle after but I didnt write this to a beat lol I just basically freestyled all the lines as I was writing em haha but thanks upping

[.Silence.]

man that was a crazy verse you wrote I felt like I was goin crazy readin that shit but keep up the work

[rile1]

thanks man upping this

[Novakane]

Yea that shit was aight you was aight good structure
and good vocab overall 9/10

[rile1]

^^ lol thats all u gonna say?? upping hahaha

[rile1]

upppping!!!

[KingEther]

IT was hot Nigga. I give that shit 10/10. Keep on writing you gonna make it big one day. The shit you did i felt like i was in the story looking at the boy and his father it was hot.
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