Good concept, the imagery was real good, the structure was great, the vocabulary was on point, not that much to say it was a another good drop of yours.
Good concept, the imagery was real good, the structure was great, the vocabulary was on point, not that much to say it was a another good drop of yours.
it was iight, the complex wasnt there really,the vocab was good and i likes the way this flowed, I would advise to let it jus come to you instead of stressin for a rhyme.
also my fav line's was "drafty air seeps through tha bushes,leaves that weep tears gushin....feel isolated its to deselant,thoughts hesitant,some force pushin...."
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BATTLE
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U gd at creatin imagery with words and thats hard 2 do,
gd structure, gd wordplay and strong flo
cant fault it.
thanks...and to tha cat above you...tha line you said is your fav incorporates complexity...up.
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uppin for more replies
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i liked this. it was good. the imagery is what caught me most. that was by far the best aspect of this piece. it was written fairly solid and i liked your word choice. vocab was nice as well, it really fit this piece. the only thing i can really pick out that could be improved was your wordiness. it seems like you could have cut some of those lines down 4-5 syllables and it would have made for a more smooth read. also because of the extra words your meter was thrown off in two or three parts. this was good though. a nice solid enjoyable read. keep it up i will be reading more of your work from now on.
Follow at
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Music --->>>>
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appreciate it.god..up.
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Just like Sobe said, the last 4 lines really stuck out with me also, the flow and ish fell off just a tad at times, but overall it was pretty well written, i really liked the approach at the topic also.
good job with that, the structure was pretty solid, and so was the descriptive words, those were the main strong points that hit me, good job.
MondoThugs.
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Meta. Convicts
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i appreciate it.~1~
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all in all you need to elevate. very whack. you need to work on strucutre and your flow was off here and there. this is an open mic section not sacred scripctures.
and you need to pick a beat and rap to it.
overall this was shit.
I Am.....
....A Secret Agent
def. a dope drop...
Nice vocab, im not sure i see where it could have been elevated, THAT much more..
I see what ya sayin bout the structure... ya rhymes flowed together good..
a very complex drop...
1
:.Apollo .:
LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!...omy god my sides hurt...there is one thing i love about newbies...they got jokes..funny sense of humor..anyway...yea ok...thats fun....well..now back to tha replys...up.
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thanks man...apprecisate it.
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no problem
:.Apollo .:
it was good i like the scheme and stlye
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