weekend get away

[*LYRIQ*]

now this song isnt finished. im having hard time tryna see what the hook and shit to be so when or if you read this i would love to hear some ideas or comments that yall might have you figadeal me. even if this shit sucks to you just holla back and let the girl know


verse 1
I THINK THAT ITS TIME THAT WE GET AWAY TOGETHER
TROPICAL DRINKS SANDY BEACHES AND NICE WEATHER
GETTIN LOST IN OUR LIL ENDEVOR
AND WISH THIS MOMENT HERE COULD LAST FOREVER
STAY AT A 5 STAR TELLY WHILE WE HERE
ALL THIS FOR YOU JUST TO SHOW YOU THAT I REALLY CARE
BATH TUB FILLED WITH WARM WATER AND ROSE PEDDLES
GOT LINGERIE LAID OUT ON THE BED FOR YA ALL EATABLE
PUT YOU IN THE TUB AND WASH OFF THE SAND
IM LIKE DESTINY'S CHILD IM TRYNA CATER 2 MY MAN
LAID BACK CHILLIN DRINKIN THIS CRYSTALL
THINKIN BOUT ALL THE THINGS WE BOUT TO DO IN A LIL WHILE
MAKE LOVE ON THE BEACH WHILE I STARE INTO YOUR EYES
WE LOST IN OUR THOUGHTS WATCHIN THE SUN RISE

OK I WOULD LIKE SOME FEED BACK ON THIS. THANK YOU IF YOU TOOK THE TIME OUT TO READ IT. MUCH LOVE.

[*LYRIQ*]

n e one out there please help me out.

[Dead Serious]

I read it, it was kinda hot. It's a nice simple verse, not too complex but it didn't need to be. It was just a nice verse overall, I can't really comment too negative just cuz I don't like all this soft shit. But I read it and kinda liked it.

[sILLable]

pretty simple litle piece...good imagery..good emotion...your wordplay and your vocab were simple...i think you could have used mroe advanced vocab...some more complexity...pretty tight piece though...you had real good imagery...i liked this mos def...just elevate on the apects you lacked on and keep droppin....we should collab though..and dont post your piece in all caps....but we should collab sometime..do somethin tight..ill give you pointers on topicals..anyway...hit up tha link in my sig titled When the Sky Falls ...id appreciate it....keep elevatin and droppin boo.`1~

[Charlie~Manson]

its coo on some female type shit i mean i wouldnt bang this shit but my girl might it aint really nothin above average but it aint totally wack either

[southsideloco]

yo homegurl, nice drop, the vocab was basic but it still good the rhyme kinda got lost for a line or 2 but you got back on it. the structure was nice and readable and hope to peep some more of your pieces. overall nice drop and keep doing your thing gurl.

Be EaZy

ps- peep my OM and tell em what you think

[*LYRIQ*]

thanks yall for the feed back. i reall y appricate it.

[mz.blaze]

This is kinda basic, but it depend how u wanna work this. I mean you could change some vocab in there-make your lines a little longer. But its a good concept and you startin off pretty good. Keep droppin ma.

[*Peaches*]

this was nice... i could imagine somethin lik dat
nice drop doe...
i was feelin it all da way tru... could use a lil work wit yo vocabulary doe.. u need help wit that on a lot of shit, but u can sure put together some good verses doe

[*LYRIQ*]

thanks foe the feedback yall. so what part of my vocab do you thinks needs the most work?

[*LYRIQ*]

what else yall think i should d,o to the song fam?

[MISTA GRIM]

It Was Koo. U Should Collab And Make It Like A Nigga Talkin About His Gurl And His Gurl Talkin Bout Him, Like U Know What I Mean. It Was Hot It Just Seemed Unfinished. I'll Collab Wit U If U Want. If Not It's Cool. Check Out The Threads In My Sig And Leave Feed Plz. I'd Appreciate It.
-holla Back-

[*LYRIQ*]

iight mista grim we could collab partna. its nothin to me just let me know what it iz.