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Thread: You

  1. #1
    Newbie MC STATS's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Wick City
    Age
    36
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    18

    You

    Fuck Fiction Here Come Straight Up Facts
    Read And Reac tGetLaid Down Face Down On Ya back
    It'll Be Infine Wit Heart Attack Fuckin With This Stat
    Next Sec You Done Gone erased Easily Replaced
    I Bring A Knife To Gun Fight
    Even Wit That
    Failure I Lack
    A Conversation Against 1 THe ONly
    Coimin And Battle
    You Cant Handle This Just Shut Yo Shit
    Take Yo Shot I'm Waitin In MIddle oF YO Block
    <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v678/Vtre-23/001.jpg"></img>

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  2. #2
    RockMan
    Guest
    b0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo Nuff said

  3. #3
    Newbie MC STATS's Avatar
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    May 2005
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    Wick City
    Age
    36
    Posts
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    yea Guess So

    ive done better
    <img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v678/Vtre-23/001.jpg"></img>

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  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    5,480
    Battle Record
    12-1
    this was weak overall, i'm not really impressed with gthe effort here, if you even did put any into it, you need to wrom on every basic rap skill, juist elevatate

  5. #5
    Whitey Cracker Snowman Haywood Jewblomi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    UK
    Age
    40
    Posts
    1,677
    Battle Record
    9-6
    I'm afraid to say this piece lacked on several fronts. It didn't flow well and lacked any imagery, emotion, or wordplay. There were some multies in the first few lines though, so it wasn't all bad. Next time you write, if you want to improve, you should pick an interesting topic, e.g mirrors, then just see what ideas you can write about that. You need to convey emotion, and use vivid imagery to improve. If you're writing about somebody, try and write about what they're feeling. And when setting a scene, go into detail about the situation, e.g describe the way light hits objects and how things look in general. If you do this kind of thing I guarentee you'll get better with practice.
    I'm surprised they didn't delete me ages ago...
    ...........Eat Shit and Die!
    ..................../
    ............:vanja:

  6. #6
    K.T: The Assassin ~ladie_streetz~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Frm Da Nati the 513 area! Sin~city aka Riot City is where i be 513 WalnutHillz D.T.W
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,734
    Battle Record
    75-28
    Awards 75+ Wins
    boy, you need serious work okay.. it was so short and jus simple, structure was ok tho and the vocab wa saight but you ned more work on that ok it wanst that interestin ta me feel me?
    THE FAMILY.

  7. #7
    Newbie MC STATS's Avatar
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    May 2005
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    Age
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    Quote Originally Posted by RockMan
    b0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo Nuff said
    Good Shit
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  8. #8
    Banned
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    Aug 2003
    Location
    Mifflinburg, PA
    Posts
    6,693
    Battle Record
    12-1
    16 line minimum.

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