Schemes n lies

[mz.blaze]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=228607
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=226139


I sit back n contemplate this situation
maybe its too late to mend tha heart you breakin
see we had this conversation,i sense his love's misplaced
this whole relationship laced with mistrust n haste
played tit for tat- you'd cheat-i cheated back
now we both holdin grudges while deception stacks
demeanor growin colder to heighten my perception
do he really love me or is it a form of protection
he laugh at my suggestion-offers my body sweet affection
late nights while we sexin-too many thoughts- my brain perplexin

we gotta make a choice -somebody gotta say goodbye
sometimes ya gotta leave-why keep it all inside
ingest whats left of my pride- bored wit schemes n lies
pictured myself as your bride-tonight my dreams died

Packin my suitcase- gotta leave this scene
can still taste tha memories -been down since seventeen
he was my first love-so much pain-i'm breakin down
felt a hand on my shoulder-he say he wanna work it out
torn between right and wrong-my instincts screamin no
he held me real tight - yet i'm thinkin i should go
whispered many promises -in my ear- so tantalizin
i faintly smelled perfume-it wasnt mine- i'm realizin
thought of gettin violent- instead i chose to smile
gave me tha strength to leave his ass-now he drownin in denial


we gotta make a choice -somebody gotta say goodbye
sometimes ya gotta leave-why keep it all inside
ingest whats left of my pride- bored wit schemes n lies
pictured myself as your bride-tonight my dreams died

[Trema]

woh...This piece was tite as fuckgurl. This shit got me reading i had to read it twice over. You had good vocab and the structure formed your piece good. The topic was good aswell and you done good to express that in your piece aswell. There was a few rhymes that could of been touched up a bit but apart from that your rhymes were ayt and overall a great piece, keep it up!

[Krayawn]

Yeah that shit was tight... Is it more poetic then rap though? The verses is tight as hell - THe chorus could use some work though, more so just with the wording to help it flow better - But i been there before

[Ads]

idk what this was, the flow was pretty choppy at points, and the imigiry was blah and not very well....your structure was ok, and idk why you bolded your verse = whack. just work on it more man, make more OM's and youll get better.
'
good job.