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Thread: Lessons Learned

  1. August 14th, 2005, 02:18 PM #1
    Infamousfelonies
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    Lessons Learned

    My life is all good now got me a job I'm in the moment
    But my moment is robbed by a guy a guy that is tormented
    With everything thats he's been through
    Seems like he going to have to work out some issues
    I told him everything is going to be alright
    But he persisted that I was talking out the side of my neck
    The moment came when his mother arrived
    She said "Get yo ass in this car your broke ass daddy sent me a check"
    I knew right then that I was going to have a challenge against me
    How come everybody keeps going against thee
    Man who want more for others rather himself
    Sombody tell me where I went wrong when I was loosing my breath
    I was loosing my mind outside it was raining cold
    And I was bold cause I stood there chilling my soul
    My momma say there would be days like this
    But I ain't listen Next time I know when it's time to pay attention..........
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  2. August 14th, 2005, 02:23 PM #2
    Dembt C
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    Straight drop, topic was ok, so was the vocab.. your structur need alil work..keep uppin'
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  3. August 14th, 2005, 02:34 PM #3
    :.Apollo.:
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    decent drop.... could've upped the vocab and made the flow go together a bit better though...
    :.Apollo .:
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  4. August 14th, 2005, 02:35 PM #4
    :.Apollo.:
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    stay up and keep droppin though and you'll elevate....
    1
    :.Apollo .:
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  5. August 15th, 2005, 02:12 AM #5
    sILLable
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    fix your rhyme scheme....elevate your wordplay and vocab...use some complexity....i didnt care too much for your topic...good imagery though.....all in all a pretty decent drop...stayed consistent for tha most part...keep elevatin and droppin...hit up tha link in my sig titled Concrete Roses...id appreciate it..~1~


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  6. September 3rd, 2005, 11:08 AM #6
    The Wardon
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    what he said above, expand you mind
    I ain't got time for Bitchiz,
    Gotta keep my mind on my mothafuckin rich's.
    Even when I die they don't worry me,
    Mama don't cry, Burry Me A "G"!
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  7. September 3rd, 2005, 11:14 AM #7
    Homesick
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    Straight drop... Flow n' all that was cool.
    -Pz.
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  8. September 4th, 2005, 12:51 AM #8
    PhillyKat
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    The rhymes through me off in spots, partly for where they were placed, and also some were a stretch to rhyme. The piece came off as somewhat personal, keep working to bring in more emotion. Certain parts showed potential though.
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