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Thread: Lessons Learned

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title!
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    Jul 2005
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    Lessons Learned

    My life is all good now got me a job I'm in the moment
    But my moment is robbed by a guy a guy that is tormented
    With everything thats he's been through
    Seems like he going to have to work out some issues
    I told him everything is going to be alright
    But he persisted that I was talking out the side of my neck
    The moment came when his mother arrived
    She said "Get yo ass in this car your broke ass daddy sent me a check"
    I knew right then that I was going to have a challenge against me
    How come everybody keeps going against thee
    Man who want more for others rather himself
    Sombody tell me where I went wrong when I was loosing my breath
    I was loosing my mind outside it was raining cold
    And I was bold cause I stood there chilling my soul
    My momma say there would be days like this
    But I ain't listen Next time I know when it's time to pay attention..........

  2. #2
    Newbie Dembt C's Avatar
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    Straight drop, topic was ok, so was the vocab.. your structur need alil work..keep uppin'

  3. #3
    :.There will be Blood.:
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    decent drop.... could've upped the vocab and made the flow go together a bit better though...
    :.Apollo .:

  4. #4
    :.There will be Blood.:
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    stay up and keep droppin though and you'll elevate....
    1
    :.Apollo .:

  5. #5
    TreaZoN sILLable's Avatar
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    fix your rhyme scheme....elevate your wordplay and vocab...use some complexity....i didnt care too much for your topic...good imagery though.....all in all a pretty decent drop...stayed consistent for tha most part...keep elevatin and droppin...hit up tha link in my sig titled Concrete Roses...id appreciate it..~1~


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  6. #6
    what he said above, expand you mind
    I ain't got time for Bitchiz,
    Gotta keep my mind on my mothafuckin rich's.
    Even when I die they don't worry me,
    Mama don't cry, Burry Me A "G"!

  7. #7
    Newbie Homesick's Avatar
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    Straight drop... Flow n' all that was cool.
    -Pz.

  8. #8
    PhillyKat
    Guest
    The rhymes through me off in spots, partly for where they were placed, and also some were a stretch to rhyme. The piece came off as somewhat personal, keep working to bring in more emotion. Certain parts showed potential though.

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