Small Axe

[CrazyCarl]

So if you are the big tree
We are the small axe
Ready to cut you down (well sharp)
To cut you down
-Bob Marley

The corporate ladder, propped in front of my path, awaits
Directly relates to my status, and any influence I create
That escalator, merely steps away, is inaccessible
More fortunate cohorts drive my fury to irrepressible
Effortless elevation in the face of my climb
They peer over, as if disgraced by the time...
Put into an area I do not enjoy thoroughly
Subconsciously I employ jealousy
They have what I deserve, the statement I dwell upon
Left to observe, wanting what their pockets swell from
I grasp the ladder’s frame, needing to make up position
More talent, if not the same, why can’t I get recognition?
They will become the big tree that towers above me
Branching out, their power is stretched, more widely seen
I, like the rest, have not accepted this as simply routine
Those with my situation, stand below, sharp with emotion
We are the small axe, ready to cut, bringing their demotion

[CrazyCarl]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229592
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=229555

[Possible]

See I like words man, and especially good use of words. Good read, liked the title too. Personification makes it even more interesting. Keep writing and come as wide ranged as you do. I would drop feed.

[Zone]

i was the vocab a lot homie i liked the topic too

[CrazyCarl]

bump

[CrazyCarl]

up.

[The Vortex]

pretty nice fosho.. nicely worded and my kind of vocab fosho...sum decent multeas

and all round dope ryming.. nicely set up in the format as well i'd say

keep it up

[Moral Insight]

i personal liked this peice cuz i said something
instead of just complimenting herself. Wordplay
was good as hell, and especially ur word choice.
Thats what really pulled me in the peice.
You doing ur Thang Girl, keep on doing it too,
only problem was that line wit jealousy

Overall Shits tight

[Dman7467]

word usuage was nice with the flow.....clean verse man

[Illogical]

first off, i want to say that ive seen a lot of ur pieces and they always had a great meaning to it. great job on all the other ones now for this one, this was a great topic. it got my attention b4, but i chose other ones. the rhyme scheme was very advanced. i guess u mostly used vocab to rhyme the lines. great job. ur structure was pretty good. pretty easy to read and understand. had some depth and made it flowing and so on. i personally liked the beggining (i dont know y i always do) but i just like how people think up of the opening lines. i didnt find anythin i didnt like in this piece! great job man keep up the good work on ALL of ur rhymes. 10/10

[CrazyCarl]

thanks man, up

[Drunken Waffle]

The corporate ladder, propped in front of my path, awaits
Directly relates to my status, and any influence I create

Pretty good bar... made me want to start reading some more of it. The inner-rhyme on the second line is decent as well, and the first line is pretty cool. 7.5/10[/b]

That escalator, merely steps away, is inaccessible
More fortunate cohorts drive my fury to irrepressible

Good long ending rhymes...okay lines. 7/10

Effortless elevation in the face of my climb
They peer over, as if disgraced by the time...

Pretty good...flowed nicely. Not really outstanding. Good alliteration. 8/10

Put into an area I do not enjoy thoroughly
Subconsciously I employ jealousy

Jealously doesn't really rhyme with thoroughly...enjoy and employ do. Pretty good. 7.5

They have what I deserve, the statement I dwell upon
Left to observe, wanting what their pockets swell from

from and upon don't rhyme... swell and dwell though...you keep doing good on the inner rhyme. 7.5/10

I grasp the ladder’s frame, needing to make up position
More talent, if not the same, why can’t I get recognition?

Once more, you used a good many-syllabled end rhyme. Also, nice inner rhyme. 8/10

They will become the big tree that towers above me
Branching out, their power is stretched, more widely seen
I, like the rest, have not accepted this as simply routine

Nice...wordplay, metaphors, you got a lot in this verse. 8/10

Those with my situation, stand below, sharp with emotion
We are the small axe, ready to cut, bringing their demotion

Dope finisher. 8/10


Overall- I'll give it an 8/10. It's nice, you had some dope inner-rhyme, wordplay, pretty good concept. Keep dropping. Also, RTF on either Animated Creatures or Forbidden Fruits.

[Yung Phresh]

....word this was a str8 piece you had good usage of vocab...A pretty good concept...keep dropping brah...

Branching out, their power is stretched, more widely seen
I, like the rest, have not accepted this as simply routine
Those with my situation, stand below, sharp with emotion
We are the small axe, ready to cut, bringing their demotion

..i would say these two lines stood out the most...

...keep em coming brah...good piece...i'd love some feed on Silent Tears...

[CAMROK]

this was pretty good piece..

have a pretty good choice of wording throughout and thats the main thing in a great piece. flow was pretty nice.. overall vocab, concepts and message were well done.. not bad, keep up.

[flavin]

yeah man good job on this. it was short and sweat, at first i thought it was gonna suck because of how short it was but it was real good. u had nice flow and the structure was good so ..... good job. u already no this but ima say it anyway but ur wording was good and if u post again i will definetly what u got. i like how u took a quote and made an om out of that i havent seen that out of a lot of people and it was cool. hit up my om called gods day off