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Thread: The Walls Came Tumbling In

  1. #1
    2012
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    The Walls Came Tumbling In

    The Walls Came Tumbling In
    ...
    The day blazed away, it was the hottest to be honest
    dog it’s so hot its like sauna’s got nothing on us
    It’s got us fluent with liquids, straight drenched in surfaces fluid
    & I was off the walls like I listened to alternative music
    The truth is, gravity was non-existent, as I floated in place
    Bloating a frame, I remained caged, clothed in a paste
    At home in a daze, not knowing what I would do
    If liquid and nutrition wasn’t pumped threw a tube
    The movement confused - truth is - it was new
    She’s tryna push me out in the cold - felt worthless & abused
    Uncertain of the view, because looks can be really deceiving
    Shook from all the bleeding, I took in what I was conceiving
    Walls were caving in, contracting from top to bottom
    What was once a place safe to stay, had evolved a problem
    & as I tried to solve it constricted like a python
    I saw a bright white light, and thought my life’s gone
    What I thought was the hands of God, gripped my arms to pop
    My body from the collapsed foundation that was dark and hot
    I peered in the clear, where appeared a villain or more
    Gripping some scissors, quickly snipping my umbilical cord
    I was spanked on the ass so I would gasp and breath
    Wrapped in a sheet, then my family was asked to leave
    I was actually a magic seed, seen sprouting like a flower
    In diligent towers fulfilling dreams of my moms proudest hour
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  2. #2
    2012
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    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  3. #3
    2012
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    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  4. #4
    2012
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    helloooooooooooooooooooooooooo
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  5. #5
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
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    Niiiice, good choice of concept which kept me guessing until the final punchline. you came with some strong imagery, and good wording, especially at the start and end of the piece. Mostly good multi's although some came off as forced. The vocab was solid as well. This shouldn't be getting slept on.

    Good work, keep posting.

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  6. #6
    The True Psycho of RB
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    Nice concept you did it justice too, your imagery was real descrpitive.
    You used your vocab well you didnt over do it like a lot of the people on here.
    The only thing i could say to work on was the flow it was nice in most parts but try and keep it more consistent and try and add in some internals it will make your rhymes more complex.
    The concept was deep but you mixed in some dark imagery which just made the piece even better to me, couldnt really hate on it.

    Return the feed:
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=232302

  7. #7
    2012
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    Thanks. I'll hit them up.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  8. #8
    2012
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    .^.
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

  9. #9
    2012
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    anybody?
    You really think ur tough... come 'n try me man
    I’ll get a hiccup that isn’t spasms of the diaphragm

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